The Perfect Fit

People are always looking for the “Perfect Fit” and their Cinderella moment.  It’s just not realistic. Human beings are….well, Human Beings, with all of their endearing flaws.  As dievca watches her friends date and recently reviewing her past Life experiences she wonders who is and who has “The Perfect Fit”.

1. Myth: Your partner will always be the one.

 Fact: There is no “happily forever after” best match without change. People and relationships are not static. A great fit has the potential to  become broken, stale or wrong for participants. As you continue to age and grow in your life, you might even change who you’d pick as your partner.

Look at your relationship and ask yourself if you are both willing “to flex, experience, communicate and adjust.” Is your partner someone you  see worth struggling to reclaim or build a new way of connecting as both partners change? Do you want to?

Other important considerations are what both of you want out of the relationship and whether you’re on the same page when it comes to values and other key issues. Have you seen how your partner acts in a crisis? Do you trust each other? Do you know each other underneath your masks? Do you honor each other?

2. Myth: It’s bad to have doubts before making a commitment.

Fact: A lot of people have secret doubts that steal through their thoughts about commitment and about whether they are settling  or should have held out for something better. But that’s not the point of commitment. Statistically speaking there is always someone better than your partner in some or even all dimensions of what attracts you or feels like a best fit.

Having doubts is healthy. The older you get, the more you’re aware of the potential difficulties in relationships and you realize that relationships take hard work.  Can you overcome these obstacles or doubts as a couple while respecting each other’s differences and arrive at a compromise?

Couples run into trouble when they struggle with conflict, bury it or hide from it. In a healthy relationship, conflict is productive and mutually collaborative in terms of finding some way through the challenges as a team.

3. Myth: A successful relationship means completing each other.

Fact: Movies like “Jerry Maguire” perpetuate this myth. (Remember when Tom Cruise professed to Renée Zellweger “You complete me!”?)  This myth is so alluring. There is a strong romantic desire to find another person who completes us. Someone who makes up for our deficits or feels like the missing piece. But people don’t just function for someone else, they have their own needs and agendas.

It’s better for partners to come into the relationship whole. That way each person in the partnership has done enough on their own to develop an identity of who they are and what they want. That way they don’t need another person to complete them. Partners should want to connect, collaborate, explore and develop together — and not because they feel alone, needy or desperate.

Adapted from PschCentral.com with Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., Psychologist Jason Seidel, Psy.D and dievca…

Freakonomics: What You Don’t Know About Online Dating

And the reason why dievca went on this tangent?

This piece of Artwork:

Michael Dotson - Perfect Fit- Signed Edition $150Exhibition A – Perfect Fit
Michael Dotson’s work is informed by contemporary virtual spaces and digital tools like vector graphics and Photoshop as much as his subject matter explores the idea of fantasy or virtual realities. Using Disney cartoon characters as archetypal subject matter, saturated color gradients, and linear perspective, Dotson’s graphic paintings seem digitally rendered but in fact are painted and manipulated by hand. Using solid areas of color, patterning, and distortion of figure and ground as a spatial devices, Dotson creates simulated environments within the flat canvas surface.

In this print, the artist isolates Cinderella’s glass slipper in the climactic moment where her true potential as princess is realized –– shedding her life of unjust oppression to live happily ever after.
“The Perfect Fit”
Whew! A relationship determined by the fit of a shoe … now, that would be so much easier. 😉

Michael Dotson will present a new body of paintings in his solo exhibition, “A Whole New World”, at Galerie Zürcher in Paris opening April 11. Dotson (born 1982, Cleveland, OH) received his MFA from American University in Washington, D.C. and his BFA from the Cleveland Institute of Art. His work was included in group shows in 2014 at The Hole, Graham Gallery in New York, and “If you’re accidentally not included don’t worry about it”, curated by Peter Saul at Zürcher Studio. He has previously exhibited paintings at Jeff Bailey Gallery, Brian Morris Gallery, DCKT, and throughout the United States. He lives and works in Brooklyn.


16 Comments on “The Perfect Fit”

  1. Pelelotus says:

    Romcoms perpetuate the ridiculous myths, giving people unrealistic expectations. Thus people are so dissatisfied with real relationships.

    • dievca says:

      Very true, but often truth is stranger than fiction and the ridiculous things that happen when people meet are beyond strange, too. XO

  2. mythbusting at its finest. well said. Glass slipper might fit but the way he holds your heel in his hand stops making you swoon …or the way you strut might reveal a toe box that is too tight…or suddenly, you realize you are really a Louboutin gurl…

    • dievca says:

      Relationships are a challenge at all points of their development. Lifting my champagne glass to those who find their way for 60+ years — the participants are amazing as individuals and as couples.

  3. Mr Modigliani says:

    Great post dievca. Something for many of us to think about…

  4. jackiemallon says:

    I can squeeze my toesies into several sizes 🙂

  5. hispetitelle says:

    Have you ever tried walking in glass shoes? They break and cut your feet.

    • dievca says:

      I haven’t had the pleasure or the pain, yet — but I think I have some photos of glass shoes from the “Killer Heels” exhibit Master and I visited at the Brooklyn Museum this year (post still in process). 😉

  6. johncoyote says:

    I was lucky. Both Grandparent were together over 60 years. I learn hard work to keep love alive. I agree. No perfect fit. I believe we must know concern, surprise and appreciate. My Grandfather couldn’t drive at 90 years old. He would walk daily to buy my Grandmother treats and her favorite fruits. I saw love in his eyes till his last day. Both parent marry 5 times. I have kept one wife and I try my best to be kind and keep anger and disappointment at the front door. Not all people are content with one person. Need new place and challenge. A very entertaining write. Made me think tonight.

  7. I enjoyed reading this, dievca. Hooray for exposing myth #3!


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