presence, not pleasure

One of the “mermaids” in Weeki Wachee Springs, Fla., performs an underwater embrace as part of an aquaballet act, circa 1950. Three Lions/Getty Images

An interesting thing happened to Master and dievca.  They planned time for a scene, in advance and met. dievca was running late from work and couldn’t get 100% dressed to present (no make-up, ripped her thigh-hi’s) and Master arrived irritated and needed to talk to let off steam about a situation.  Overall, not a problem – other than both parties were distracted and had a hard time finding their D/s focus. Both Master and dievca felt “off” with their experience at the end of the evening.

Compare this to:

Another time when Master and dievca didn’t plan a scene. They met for dinner, no D/s play scheduled – but as they ate their focus on each other became deeper and deeper and a small scene was played out at the end of the evening. Both Master and dievca rode a high of complete focus for two days afterward.

What was the difference?

A study found that presence, not pleasure, brings happiness.

The offering is that no matter what the activity – if you are fully engaged in the moment, pleasurable or not — it’s the full mind engagement which makes you happy.

“A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind.” state Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert of Harvard University.

Their Science Magazine study shows that when we are distracted by thoughts, doubts, judgments, daydreams, and other ruminations (conceptual self-awareness), we are inevitably less happy with the activity. In fact, we missed a lot because when we think, we can’t at the same time be available to access the flow of feelings and sensations in our bodies.

Happiness arises when we are fully engaged in the experiences of our bodies in the present moment; when our attention is completely filled up with our body sense (embodied self-awareness).

So, in general, you’ll be far happier feeling, sensing, and being in the moment with whatever you do than trying to think your way to happiness.

Alan Fogel: Psychology Today – If you are happier after sex, it’s not just because it feels good

Bench Romance: CC Street Photography

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