you get what you give — sometimes

giving-heartDid you ever have someone change the ballgame on you?
And they didn’t tell you the new rules?

You continued to give 100%, all in, according to the past plan which brought you joy and happiness, then whamo! it is no longer is accepted or shared by that friend.

The value of your giving drops.
In fact, the giving has become a detriment.

That’s fine, if you set new boundaries, new values and you know that other areas of the friendship will need to become stronger for the link to survive.

But, the boundaries keep changing, flip-flopping, without communication.
You cannot keep up, you don’t know the rules, you are not getting anything new back.
More and more keeps getting taken away.
And you have to ask, almost beg, for what little you do get.

Soon you are adrift without a raft.
Thank God you swim well and you have others to swim to~

When you get back to shore, do you stay connected?
When you have seen that your giving is accepted and treasured by others.
You do have value.

The uniqueness of the original relationship seems to be gone.
You are still amazed that someone would throw something so beautiful away.
You stare at it with hope, praying it will keep in stasis for the future.
You know better – because it takes two for that to happen and one party can’t be bothered.

The joke is they keep stating that they still want you in their Life.
But their treatment of you runs contrary to their words.
The basics you expect, they can’t even reach and your problem is you can’t stop giving.
It’s not who you are~

I love your thoughts, I hate your actions.

I gave all I had to give.

I gave myself.

I guess that sometimes you don’t get what you give,
and that is Life.

(Dropping two friends in one year. Not good, dievca, not good.)


13 Comments on “you get what you give — sometimes”

  1. Pelelotus says:

    It is a shame, but sometimes necessary. X

    • dievca says:

      I don’t think it was conscious, but it seems they expected to keep all the benefits of how I treat a close friend without putting quality effort in on their end. I know how well they can give/share from the past – and when they changed, they didn’t bother to fill the vacuum they created. It sucked all my giving of myself away.

  2. People do change — and grow away from your light. But it’s the nature of things, unfortunately.

    • dievca says:

      I asked this person to drop back into acquaintance mode (thinking that there were 3 times I needed them this year and they weren’t there), but they were vehement they didn’t want that. It’s more that they got cosy with my giving, not understanding that I need something solid back to balance. Doesn’t have to be equal – but does have to make me feel valued. XO

  3. Now and then
    Do you wash your hands of me again?
    Wish me anywhere but home
    Drunk and on the end of your phone
    From time to time
    Do you guess what’s really on my mind?
    Guess that “How you keeping now?”
    Means “Where are you sleeping now”
    But of course it’s not polite
    To ask you where you spent last night
    And if I did you might reply
    That I have no right
    And anyway I’m fine
    Glad that you’re no longer mine
    If I should tell a lie
    I’ll cross my heart and hope to die
    You’d be appalled
    If you knew what I was doing
    When you called
    Yes, I can see I’m blundering
    Always end up wondering
    Will it ever be alright
    To ask you where you spent last night
    And can it be polite
    The way we never write,
    Of course I don’t have the time,
    And anyway I’m fine
    If I should tell a lie
    I’ll cross my hear and hope to die
    I hope we never die
    Songwriters: Ben Watt / Tracey Thorn

  4. darkgemdom says:

    Ah phooey
    There’s all KINDS of new people around! Meet ’em

    M

  5. This resonates strongly with me. Though it has probably been painful for you to do so, in the end it is best. You chose you. The best choice. Relationships, whether friends or lovers, are meant to be reciprocal. When it is consistently one sided a breakdown is inevitable. You deserve more.

    • dievca says:

      Thank you. I looked at it for awhile as — “it’s my fault”. Thinking: maybe I give too much for someone to return. But as far as I knew the relationship was balanced in the beginning, so it worked at one point.
      I would have been happy to work through changes – but I needed an honest conversation to know what was going on. Even if it was awkward and uncomfortable. A conversation was started by me, but never finished because they shut down. They kept avoiding a reprise. I got tired. Flying blind, stinks.

      • It does. And you did the best that you could. I’ve been there. It’s never happy or pleasant and you always wish that it could have been saved or prevented or something, anything rather than that. Hugs to you.


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