Forethought

fore·thought
ˈfôrˌTHôt
noun
careful consideration of what will be necessary or may happen in the future.

dievca has been in discussion with Master about using forethought in Life. He made a comment that she has had a good Life and that others are not so lucky or blessed.

dievca had a different opinion – she has worked hard at using forethought to avoid bad decisions. That along with being fortunate (semantics: “Lucky” connotes that something happened because of dumb luck. “Fortunate” implies good fortune, but not necessarily pure chance) has allowed dievca to create a positive Life. Part of the evidence she presented is when searching for her Dom on FetLife, dievca met with 15+ potential Doms, face-to-face with ideas of her needs in hand (Case in point: When dievca met Master for the first time). she knew this was an important and potentially bad/dangerous decision and she wanted to make sure she sought D/s in the safest possible manner.

You may think dievca was just lucky, she likes to think she used forethought to be fortunate.

dievca has looked into bad decisions and why people make them.

The following is an interesting discussion about it.

Why Bad Decisions Are Made

Edited From Dr. Laura’s Website (click here for full post):

If I had to pick one phrase I’ve heard more than any other over the years it’d be some variation of “I didn’t make a good decision.” And although people admit to making a bad decision after the fact, I am convinced that most of them know the decision was not a good one at the time, but did it anyway.

I don’t think people who tend to make bad decisions are really stupid or uninformed.  Usually if they say they were uninformed, it’s just denial. Bad decision-makers typically know they’re making poor choices, and they make them because they want something in the moment.  They don’t project into the future or think, “When I look back on what I’m about to do, will I be proud of it.”

About 25 years ago when I was on the radio at night, I remember a young man in his 20s calling in to my show.  His parents had just died in a car crash, and he was left to take care of his little sister.  He told me, “I’m in my mid-to-late 20s and it’s time I started my life, but on the other hand, I feel guilty about not taking care of my little sister.  There are no other relatives to do it.”  After listening to him, I responded by saying, “OK, by the power vested in me, I am projecting you 20 years into the future.  You are now looking back at yourself right now.  What would you like to see yourself doing that would make you proud?”

The guy instantly started tearing up.  “Taking care of my sister,” he said.  And that was the end of that.

Bad decisions usually come from wanting to feel good at that particular moment, and it all goes downhill from there (e.g. “I know he/she is not really for me, but I’m lonely”).

However, many times people end up making poor choices because they’re overly Self Critical (Negative self-talk – “I’m useless,”  “I’m a loser,” “I’m a failure”)

Another reason  is that you say “yes” to things you should say “no” to.  (You spend time with people you don’t want to spend time with so they’ll be happy with you, allow others to treat you poorly, and live the life that others want you to live.)

Some people tend to get stuck in making bad choices simply because they want to stay stuck.  It gets them off the hook from having to take risks and working hard to apply themselves.

Take responsibility for your decisions.  They are your decisions.  It does no good to make excuses or rationalize or pretend that you aren’t to blame.  If you want to move forward, you have to take responsibility for your choices, your actions, and the consequences of those actions. 

So, now that you know why people make bad decisions, how can you make sure that you don’t make them yourself?

For any situation, think about whether the best possible outcome of making a particular decision outweighs the risk of the worst possible outcome?  When coming to a decision, go through the following steps:

  1. What’s the best possible outcome?
  2. What’s the worst possible outcome?
  3. Is the best outcome so valuable and so likely that it’s worth risking the worst outcome?

Everyone needs to think through their decisions because down the line, there are huge prices to pay.  Be ready to accept responsibility for every outcome of your decisions.  And when you do make a bad decision, don’t just sit there feeling sorry for yourself.

dievca has worked towards using forethought for her decision-making processes and by that work she has had the best possible outcomes of poor situations. And excellent outcomes from potentially good situations.

Luck goes a long way, but forethought helps immensely.

But Master has a good point when he says, “I’ll take being Lucky, any day.”


9 Comments on “Forethought”

  1. A very thoughtful write… and makes one ponder.

  2. Pelelotus says:

    Interesting piece. There is an arguement for (up to a point) making your own luck. X

    • dievca says:

      I had dinner with a good friend here in London. He is an entrepreneur. Listening to him talk about his dance between Luck and Fortune was fascinating. Eyes open to opportunity and then research, research, research. Wow!

  3. Marty says:

    He knows he’s lucky to have you. I wonder how much forethought he did?

    • dievca says:

      Umm, sadly I have to say from his standpoint, I landed on his lap- last minute. He had just decided to move on from D/s. What ever happens in the future, I am pretty sure that I am M’s last sub.

  4. Ret MP says:

    Such a thought provoking post, d. Thank you for this. Perfect timing. I have alway attribute my successes to combination of gut feel leading to solid decisions and dumb luck. Looking back on my life I now have to add doing what I thought the next “right” thing to do would naturally be by someone who was smart and was following a traditional trajectory. Now, as a mature woman, I need to add this rule of thumb, “it is not my job to make every man happy” (or everyone!). I’m going to print this out and put it on my fridge. Food for thought, indeed. Hugs- Ret


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