Thoughts on a Friday: Nice vs. KindPosted: January 22, 2021
Kindness is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and a concern for others. It is known as a virtue and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.
The Difference between being Nice and being Kind.
The way I understand it, kindness emerges from someone who’s confident, compassionate and comfortable with themselves. A kind person is loving and giving out of the goodness of their heart.
At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves.
~ Marcia Sirota
- Genuinely kind people are giving because it’s in their nature to care, and since they have no ulterior motives, they aren’t concerned with whether or not other people like them.
- Kind people can be assertive and set good limits.
- Kind people have good self-esteem and because they love themselves as much as they care about others, they expect to be treated with respect.
- Kind people take responsibility for their own self-care. They’re generous, even altruistic, but don’t get caught up in a user-pleaser type of relationship.
- Kind people are happy people, to begin with, and add to their happiness through acts of generosity and altruism. Nice people are needy people who inadvertently create more and more unhappiness for themselves
- Nice people bend over backward to be obliging. They deal with potential conflicts by placating the other person because they can’t bear to have anyone upset with them.
- Nice people are desperate for approval, so they’re often mistreated or taken advantage of.
- Nice people tend to do too much for those who don’t deserve it and are easy prey for users. They get into co-dependent relationships in which they care-take others in the hopes of eventually being cared for themselves.
- The nice person is careful not to offend anyone and wouldn’t dream of expressing a “negative” emotion. They focus on being good to others, to the detriment of their own needs. In fact, they’re afraid to ask for what they want for fear of creating conflict.
- Nice people stuff down their feelings, not wanting to be a bother to anyone, but the problem with this is that emotions can’t be kept down indefinitely. Feelings and needs are meant to be expressed and when they’re repressed, they find another outlet.
- The nice person is overly-invested in the emotional pay-off they’re hoping to achieve by pleasing and taking care of others. They’re also unwilling to face how much hurt or anger they’re carrying. They’re resistant to changing their behavior, despite the consequences of their compensatory addictions.
Thank you to the Huffington Post.