Fatherhood

The Guy I fell in Love with First – my Dad.

As I watch my Dad keep weight on as best as possible with tube feeding, I remember all the traveling he had to do for work.  All those meals he had on the road. (and he drank) How he would finish what I didn’t eat.  The focus was on me, my brothers, my Mom — not him.

But, Dad tried – he tried to keep running until a severe ankle injury stopped him (his ankle still swells 30 +years later – of course he never went to the Doctor). Dad was a great athlete and he’s still moving as much as possible to this day, but he did have a…

“Dad Bod”

Its true — there is a type of body created by being a Dad. Especially a “resident” Dad.

  • Though age is positively associated with BMI over all years for all men, comparing nonresident and resident fathers with non-fathers reveals different trajectories based on fatherhood status. Entrance into fatherhood is associated with an increase in BMI trajectory for both nonresident and resident fathers, while non-fathers exhibit a decrease over the same period. 

The study was started in 1994-1995 collecting height + weight to calculate BMI (Body Mass Index) and fatherhood status. Covariates included age, education, physical health, income, number of children, screen hours, workouts, etc.  The starting age range was 12-21 and the study was conducted over 20 years with data collected in four waves.

Men were grouped into three categories: resident fathers, non-resident fathers, and non-fathers. The trajectory of standardized BMI over time is shown below.

In a press release, the lead author of the study, Dr Craig Garfield, Associate Professor of Pediatrics and Medical Social Sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and attending pediatrician at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, said,

Fatherhood can affect the health of young men, above the already known effect of marriage. The more weight the fathers’ gain and the higher their BMI, the greater the risk they have for developing heart disease as well as diabetes and cancer.

So, the “Dad Bod” exists.

Weight gain associated with life transitions such as parenthood is a real concern, and public health, social, and clinical supports should be available for men during this time.

And we should be saying, “Thank You” to our Dad’s for giving their health up for us.

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1557988315596224

As I was reading the study, I wondered about the reasons for participants to be non-Fathers. Did they have a partner, male or female? Did that change the findings? Did marriage, in general, cause a male to gain weight whether there were children or not? Etc.

I think, in general, men who have families forget to take care of themselves.
The “Dad Bod” sacrifice.
And especially for Father’s Day – again, I’d like to Thank You.
Fatherhood is special. XO

 


WORDSMITH

d.
You are better at expressing your emotions and that does allow you to let off steam. 
But I am worried about you because there was a hint of bitterness in the last message.
….
With Love,
YM
Sent from Mobile Mail

List of Words for Feelings
Resentful
adjective
feeling or expressing bitterness or indignation at having been treated unfairly.
Bitter
adjective
(of people or their feelings or behavior) angry, hurt, or resentful because of one’s bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment.
 
M.
I haven’t been treated badly by most people, so I don’t think bitter or resentful describes me.
 
I thought I was more:
Tired
adjective
(especially of a statement or idea) boring or uninteresting because overfamiliar.
or as a verb
 
Tire
verb
exhaust the patience or interest of; bore.
Weary
adjective
reluctant to see or experience any more of; tired of.
That’s not quite right either.
Maybe,
 
Discontented
adjective
dissatisfied, especially with one’s circumstances.
Enervating
adjective
causing one to feel drained of energy or vitality.
I cannot find the word to describe where I am…
Well, if you think me on the edge of bitter — maybe I can be bittersweet chocolate 🙂
(life gives you lemons, make lemonade)
M’s reply below:

d.
You are not bitter. That’s not you.
But yes, you seem really tired.

 YM
Sent from Mobile Mail
I’m staying with enervated, but do you have a word that might work for me? 

What a Bombogenesis looks like~

Explosive cyclogenesis (also called a weather bomb, meteorological bomb, explosive development, or bombogenesis) refers in a strict sense to a rapidly deepening extratropical cyclonic low-pressure area.  

“Bomb cyclones” or “weather bombs” are wicked winter storms that can rival the strength of hurricanes and are so-called because of the process that creates them: bombogenesis. It’s a mouthful of a meteorology term that refers to a storm (generally a non-tropical one) that intensifies very rapidly.

Can you get a cold upon a cold? Yes.  Does it make you sound sexy? Not Really.
Should you get out of the apartment during a snowstorm? Yes.
Should you shovel? No.

Yesterday, dievca woke up to a little bit of snow. In her Midwestern Winter superior tones she texted Master who was in charge of shoveling an elderly friend’s stoop/sidewalk to say, “These sissy NY-ers, they get all wound up about a little snow!”

Later in the morning dievca walked to work:

It ended up a pretty good snowstorm! 10th Ave with the new construction was a Wind Tunnel.
And dievca was happy she wasn’t around to help Master shovel. she did her duty at her Parent’s house the week before. Good news, Master didn’t throw His back out. XO

The Northface Downtown Taupe 550 fill down Parka

Lola Hats Hopscotch Alpaca Blend Blaze

DeLux Oscar the Grouch mittens

Nike Swim Backpack Blaze

Ilse Jacobsen Tall Rubber Winter Boots black white soles

Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Deep Moisture Balm

Hudsalve Swedish Lip Balm


On my Mind~

Hello, how are you doing?  I hope my choice of blog reposts these past two weeks were semi-interesting.  If nothing else, I had fun going back to read them and revisit the memories.

I didn’t get a chance to read blogs like I thought I would. I ended up researching a graduate program (3rd Master’s degree anyone? We will see), working extra to allow me to travel down South.

The traveling included visiting Families and Friends, learning about myself and watching people react:

  • How does one deal with chemo after getting a great check-up with a Doctor who can only give a lukewarm delivery. How many times had that Doctor put their heart on the line, to be shut down?
  • Or watching the robust couple who lost (or gained) everything with a brain tumor? The frank discussion of choosing not to do radiation the next time it’s needed.
  • I have a tendency to see something in a home that needs done and doing it….it’s invasive, yet, needed. So, I pray that my minor moments of help are seen as a “break” not an offense.
  • Talking to college students about their hopes, dreams and drinking across Europe is very entertaining.
  • Cuddling with immense dogs is messy and healing.
  • All done while eating a whole lot of BBQ and butter~ everything is better with butter.

 

This watchfulness and self-reflection of family relationships, relationships and friendships triggered a review of what I want for the future, what I want for my Life and why I want things. I know that I am not in need, but what would fulfill me?

I don’t have any hard conclusions, but I’d like to share information I’ve pondered.

Assess your friend network

Research shows that having a strong network of relationships is vital to our health.

It’s harder to make friends as we get older. 

Tereasa Jones, who has a master’s degree in counseling and is a certified life coach who specializes in friendship coaching, had suggestions about how to make new friends as an adult..

According to Jones, we all move through a variety of interpersonal relationships on a daily basis.

  • “Intimates” are the lifelines you can call at 3 a.m. with an emergency.
  • “Friends” you spend time with, but maybe don’t share every detail of your life
  • “Friendly acquaintances” are people you know you like and whom you see on a regular basis in a particular setting, like work or the yoga studio. They’re the ones you’ve considered inviting out for coffee, but never have.
  • “Acquaintances” are people you’re friendly with in passing, at the store, the gym, in the elevator.

I asked myself which of these categories am I missing in my life?

None, but changes can be considered.

I have a lot of  “friendly acquaintances” and “friends” by default – there is always someone I can ask to meet for coffee, a movie, a museum, talk about an issue, ask advice.  And I do have a core set of “intimate friends” whom I connect with consistently, but most of them live in different states/countries….

That might be the group I need to address, locally.

It’s tough as an adult to find the time, desire and say “yes” to the odd activity, but as Amy Silverstein suggests:

Sometimes friendship is just about showing up

“Don’t be afraid to show up….Push yourself a little bit, when you sense that you’re needed. Show up with an open mind to be there in any way that your friend needs: to let her yell, cry, not say anything at all, [or to] just hold her hand.”

I’m well aware that in most cases you receive what you give.

Yes, there are the odd circumstances where you get taken advantage of….but if you keep your eyes, ears and heart open. You should be o.k.

If I keep my eyes, ears and heart open. I should be o.k.

Wish me Luck!

How is your friend situation looking?  Any way you can push away from the BBQ and butter to meet someone new?  Let me know about it!

XO

Thank you to Annaliese Griffin from Well & Good 
And an interesting read from a Guy's Viewpoint.

Sympathy or Empathy? or pity or compassion…

dievca’s reaction to Master, this week, prompted an analysis.
Oddly enough, the analysis started with the Rolling Stones:

  • The act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings of another is known as sympathy. Empathy, on the other hand, not only is an identification of sorts but also connotes and awareness of one’s separateness from the observed. One of the most difficult tasks put upon man is reflective commitment to another’s problem while maintaining his own identity.
    —Journal of the American Medical Association, 24 May 1958

Hmmm — a tough go. Let’s clarify:

In 1909, the psychologist Edward Titchener translated the German Einfühlung (‘feeling into’) into English as ‘empathy’. Empathy can be defined as a person’s ability to recognize and share the emotions of another person, fictional character, or sentient being. It involves, first, seeing someone else’s situation from their perspective, and, second, sharing their emotions, including, if any, their distress.

Empathy is often confused with pity, sympathy, and compassion, which are each reactions to the plight of others.

Pity is a feeling of discomfort at the distress of one or more sentient beings, and often has paternalistic or condescending overtones. Implicit in the notion of pity is that its object does not deserve its plight, and, moreover, is unable to prevent, reverse, or overturn it. Pity is less engaged than empathy, sympathy, or compassion, amounting to little more than a conscious acknowledgement of the plight of its object.

Sympathy (‘fellow feeling’, ‘community of feeling’) is a feeling of care and concern for someone, often someone close, accompanied by a wish to see him better off or happier. Compared to pity, sympathy implies a greater sense of shared similarities together with a more profound personal engagement. However, sympathy, unlike empathy, does not involve a shared perspective or shared emotions, and while the facial expressions of sympathy do convey caring and concern, they do not convey shared distress. Sympathy and empathy can lead to each other, but not always. It is possible to sympathize with such things as hedgehogs and ladybirds, but not, strictly speaking, to empathize with them. Conversely, psychopaths with absolutely no sympathy for their victims can nonetheless make use of empathy to snare or torture them. Sympathy should also be distinguished from benevolence, which is a much more detached and impartial attitude.

Compassion (‘suffering with’) is more engaged than simple empathy, and is associated with an active desire to alleviate the suffering of its object. With empathy, “I share your emotions”; with compassion, “I not only share your emotions but also elevate them into a universal and transcending experience”. Compassion, which can be built upon empathy, is one of the main motivators of altruism.

An act of Human Involvement on any level (micro or macro):

According to Master, dievca has a lot of empathy for her fellow-man.
But in a certain case, she could only offer her pity.


Earworm from Monday….

dievca is sorry…..mmmmmm….

….if that song from Monday has been stuck in your head all week. (here’s why)
It’s been stuck in her head, too.

It’s an “EarWorm”.

An earworm, sometimes known as a brainworm, sticky music, or stuck song syndrome, is a catchy piece of music that continually repeats through a person’s mind after it is no longer playing. Phrases used to describe an earworm include “musical imagery repetition”, “involuntary musical imagery”, and “stuck song syndrome” (wiki)

Which brought up this song:

Which may be an Earworm in of itself.

 

Why do we run into EarWorms?

TED Talks:  Earworms: Those songs that get stuck in your head – Elizabeth Hellmuth Margulis (4 min 45 sec)

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY: Tunes Stuck In Your Head: You May Have An Earworm – The Science behind Haunting Melodies

What are your Earworms?

Umm, it could be a subtle form of S & M.


On the Go~

Do you love picnics?
Is it still warm by you?
Nice for a bike ride and a meal?
Travel wine?

Originally spotted in a Scandinavian Liquor Store while sourcing a local liquor as a gift. The first offering’s name is stellar!:

Then found in a local NYC sandwich shop (‘wichCraft):

dievca loves picnics and is intrigued by the convenience of a canned wine. But she’s leery to waste her money and taste buds on bad wine.

Has anyone given them a try?

Winemag.com / Photo by Meg Baggott