There’s name for it = Realistic Optimist

Glass water

Master and His dievca were sharing sushi on the rooftop when dievca mention that she figured out where she fits with her personal outlook (philosophy). she always thought she was just a “realist”, but realized she isn’t very cynical. Then she ran into this tidbit:

This Personality Type Is Linked to Success and Happiness
By Tia Ghose published August 23, 2013

Are you a “glass-half-full” or a “glass-half-empty” kind of person?

As it turns out, some people can be both. So-called realistic optimists combine the positive outlook of optimists with the clear-eyed perspective of pessimists, new research has found.

These realistic optimists may get the best of both worlds, using their realism to perform better at work and elsewhere, but aren’t getting bogged down by unhappiness, said Sophia Chou, an organizational psychology researcher at National Taiwan University, who presented her findings at a meeting of the American Psychological Association in Honolulu, Hawaii. [7 Things That Will Make You Happy]

Past research has shown that optimists value thoughts that make them feel good about themselves, whereas pessimists prize a more truthful vision of themselves. But a clear-eyed view can be bad for pessimists’ well-being, as they tend to be more prone to depression, Chou said.

Optimists tend to live longer and be healthier overall.

After several years working in business, Chou noticed there were some people who were both optimistic and realistic, and that they tended to be very successful. She wondered whether realism and optimism were really diametrically opposed.

So Chou administered a battery of personality surveys to about 200 college and graduate students in Taiwan. The surveys tested how many “positive illusions” the students held, as well as whether they were more motivated by self-enhancement or reality.

Realistic views

The optimists were sorted into two camps: the realists and the idealists.

“Realistic optimists tend to choose accuracy over self-enhancement; the unrealistic optimists tend to choose self-enhancement,” Chou said.

Interestingly, the realistic optimists also got better grades, on average, than their less grounded peers — probably because they didn’t delude themselves into thinking they would do well without studying or working hard, Chou said.

Traditionally, a more realistic outlook is paired with poorer well-being and greater depression, yet the realistic optimists managed to be happy. To understand why, she dug deeper into the personality assessments.

Self-control key

She found that realistic optimists believed they had more self-control and control over their interpersonal relationships.

“Every time they face an issue or a challenge or a problem, they won’t say ‘I have no choice and this is the only thing I can do.’ They will be creative, they will have a plan A, plan B and plan C,” Chou said.

That allows them to stay cheery and upbeat about the future, even if they recognize the challenges of the present.

Being a realistic optimist does have one downside, however: They are more prone to anxiety than their completely unrealistic peers. That’s likely because they recognize the possibility of failure, whereas their counterparts use positive illusions to ease their anxiety, Chou said.

The findings suggest that realistic and unrealistic optimists may actually be very different personality types, Chou said.

In order to cultivate a rosy-but-realistic outlook, people should maintain a clear-eyed view of reality, but emphasize what they can control in most situations, she said.

dievca’s Master has a different take on Himself:
“Idealistic Realism”
An idealistic realist is a realist who understands the realms of possibility but also sees his idealism as a potential reality. You work towards an Ideal knowing the Realities.

By the way – the question of the glass-half-full/empty always baffled dievca – perhaps it is her “realist” tendencies or her Science background – this is her answer:

Glass tech


Cock Worship

cock-worship-1080x675

3. A sexual activity that involves kneeling before a penis, gazing at it, playing with it, kissing it, licking it, and sucking it slowly and deliberately to prolong the experience. Often includes ball sucking and rimming to show absolute reverence for the man and his cock.

Urban Dictionary

dievca always finds it interesting that there is a large act of trust displayed by the individual who is being worshiped — it’s a delicate piece of equipment and teeth can be sharp. XO 


A submissive re-evaluation

elegant submissiveMaster is traveling and dievca has had some open time to review her Life and changes in the past 2 years. Between COVID, deaths, aging – Master and dievca’s relationship has changed. And as body changes, social changes and family changes have eased – she’s wondering what will return or diminish.

dievca is starting her reflection process by defining the type of Relationship Master and dievca had at the beginning. Then she plans to review where she thinks they are now. Finally, she will communicate her analysis to Master and listen to His thoughts and wants for the future.

9 Types of submissives:

  • The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist
    Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist’s own terms for the masochist’s own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one’s own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism).
  • Pseudo-submissive non-slave
    Not into even playing “slave”, but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.
  • Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave
    Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).
  • True submissive non-slave
    Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn’t dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one’s pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
  • True submissive PLAY slave
    Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant – but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one’s partner’s sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)
  • Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave
    Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one’s Mistress/Master, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when he or she will serve.
  • Part-time consensual but REAL slave
    Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress’/Master’s “property” at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life – practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one’s time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave’s free time.
  • Full-time live-in consensual slave
    Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress’/Master’s use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave’s position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren’t socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
  • Consensual total slave with no limits
    A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn’t exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn’t fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren’t really a slave unless you’re willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

© 1984, 1988 by Mistress Diane Vera as reprinted in
Pat Califia, ed. The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual (Boston: Lace / Alyson) pp. 69-71
A Thank You to SluttyGirlProblem – Victoria Sparrow and Officer Wes for the information that made dievca start to think.
www.officerwes.com © 1997-2021 by Officer Wes


A Master knows~

naked-expressive-dance-couple-full-length-multiethnic-performing-over-blue-background-33888483“There are times she is kneeling out of obedience, reverence and respect. Those are the times it is okay to stand above her. But when she is kneeling because the weight of the world is just too heavy to bear … that is when You should be kneeling beside her.” — Unknown


Loving a Man in a cozy Sweater (Jumper)

Paul McCartney Fair Isle

The Fair Isle

Submariner

The Submariner

Steve McQueen 1968 Fisherman Sweater
The Aran Sweater

Mr. Rodgers Cardigan
The Cardigan

Classics for a reason and always as handsome as the Gentleman inside. 

(Master prefers a Fairsisle Sweater Vest – makes His dievca smile)


D/s (elfje)

Ball Gag and Mask

Restrained
Spread Wide
Master Speaks His Command
Orgasm


Back to normal irritations and solutions~

Jennifer Anniston Friends Runny NoseLooks like Life is getting back to normal when people are  dealing with the common cold, rather than COVID-19.

Master flew back with a stuffed up nose. He had been hanging out with some super fun Tots on Halloween. They shared their daycare wealth~

Before His return and across the country, dievca’s nose started to leak. she’s drinking as many fluids as she can get down her gullet.

It looks like dievca will be making soup for everyone. Chicken Soup for herself and  Jambalaya (Creole) for Master. He’s better at drinking water than dievca, so He can do a “thicker” soup.

Creole Jambalaya is less thick than Cajun Jambalaya because of less browning and added tomatoes.

gallery-1498148310-delish-easy-homemade-jambalaya-vertical-1024INGREDIENTS
1 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
1 onion, chopped
2 bell peppers, chopped
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut 1″ pieces
1 tsp. dried oregano
6 oz. andouille sausage, sliced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbsp. tomato paste
2 c. chicken broth
1 (15-oz.) can crushed tomatoes
1 c. long grain rice
2 tsp. Old Bay seasoning (modify to your heart’s content – dievca has Old Bay handy)
1 lb. frozen seafood or shrimp (or 1 lb fresh shrimp)
2 green onions, thinly sliced

DIRECTIONS
In a large pot over medium heat, heat oil. Add onion and bell peppers and season with salt and pepper.
Cook until soft, about 5 minutes, then stir in chicken and season with salt, pepper, and oregano. Cook until the chicken is golden, about 5 minutes, then stir in andouille sausage, garlic, and tomato paste and cook until fragrant, about 1 minute more.

Add chicken broth, frozen seafood/shrimp, crushed tomatoes, rice, and Old Bay. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover with a tight-fitting lid, and cook until the rice is tender and the liquid is almost absorbed for about 20 minutes.

(If you have fresh uncooked shrimp – add the shrimp and cook until pink, 3 to 5 minutes.)
Stir in green onions just before serving. Serve with crusty bread.


Remember when ~ Luxury Air Travel

Luxury Travel

dievca is pretty sure that her Master doesn’t have a pair of those plaid socks – but she does know He is planning to travel in style this weekend.  Too bad with COVID-19, it won’t be quite as cozy as in the past…  Honestly, wouldn’t it just be nice to fly without wearing a mask?


Coffee in the Morning, Coffee in the Evening~

Sheridans Liquor

Sheridan’s Coffee Layered Liqueur was first introduced in 1994. It is produced in Dublin by Thomas Sheridan & Sons. One section is filled with a black liqueur, consisting of coffee and whiskey flavors, while the other is filled with a white liqueur of milk white chocolate.

How to enjoy.

Serve in a Rocks glass or tumbler by first pouring in the black liqueur, and then gently floating the white liqueur on the surface of the liquid. This makes the perfect layered drink, Irish Coffee-style, and you can garnish with white and dark chocolate pieces.

dievca had it in Ireland when it first came out and has asked Master to get her a bottle whenever He travels to Ireland.
she’s running out…XO

Sheridan's Coffee Liqueur


Belt Print Holdall – Paul Smith


Western Belt Print Bag – and ode to Impact Play or Bondage
A bag to carry your accoutrements: thudders and stingers or buckled cuffs and collars
Paul Smith‘s Western Belt Print will offer a lot of additional room for water, towels, a change of clothes, etc. A fun, tongue in cheek nod to your pleasurable inclinations!

~Something of Use~

Update – the bag sold on August 2nd…sorry, dievca was too slow…


When you have a good friend who is Dutch

IMG-20210811-WA0001

The title of this book has great meaning!

20210811_133740

dievca thought this appropriate for Master and her meeting, she’s not sure he agrees ~


Be careful~

bicycle-accidents-dangerous-bike-ride-260nw-610140035

“Be careful biking home dievca.”

I will, Master. I am not in any hurry.

dievca was cruising along nicely until here:

Hudson River Greenway bike path by 44th street

She slowed down and stood up to go over a set of metal plates after the Intrepid Museum and Circle Line section, but she didn’t see the 5″ pothole until too late…thunk~

Flipping up and over the handle bars –

SPLAT!

Years of falling in sports saved her head, collarbone and hands/wrists.  She flipped horizontally right and her knee/shin took the momentum, femur the impact, followed by the elbow then forearm. A gentleman walking his dog checked on her, immediately – a family (tourists) stared at her in horror.  dievca picked herself up, checked her appendages, moved to the side, checked her bike and rode home bleeding.

Can she tell you that everyone is correct?
Road rash is a b*tch to clean and it really hurts. Plus, you may end up bleeding on your sheets at night unless you cover your wounds.

Treating road rash
  1. Wash your hands. If you are caring for your own wound or another person’s wound, you should always wash your hands first. …
  2. Wash the injury. You should then wash the abrasion. …
  3. Remove debris. …
  4. Apply antibiotic ointment. …
  5. Cover the road rash. …
  6. Keep the bandage fresh. …
  7. Check for infection.

dievca washed her Road Rash with soapy water, then hosed it down with Bactine.   she added a thin layer of Neosporin ointment.  Arnica Gel on places where she thought bruises might blossom – adrenaline hid the hip/hamstring pain.  Two Aleve pills for the evening then a thorough icing of the thigh/a** in the morning. More wound cleaning and care — things seem to be moving along nicely.

Master will check it out on Monday~ so much for trying to be careful.
Sometimes Life will bite you in the a**.


Lazy Sunday Sex Position

lazy-sunday-morning-inspo-pic

After wine, a burger and good company – dievca slept in for a lazy Sunday. Master will be stopping by in the afternoon to relax.  Maybe the ‘LAZY SUNDAY’ position will come into use – dievca is really not moving too fast.RR-SEX-POSITION-LAZY-SUNDAY-v1

LAZY SUNDAY SEX POSITION

Find a chair or large pillow so you are both sitting at a 45 degree angle.

One partner lies on the bottom, while the other clambers on top facing upwards so your bodies are in perfect alignment.

Keep your thighs together for a more intense sensation as the lower lover enters from behind.


You know you are loved, when…

Re: I am disturbed because my new Galaxy Active watch tells me that I don’t get enough ‘deep sleep’.  I am ok, time amount-wise and in the REM stage – but I don’t hit the healing deep sleep.  Three days of data is not enough, I will watch it for two weeks. But, it still bothers me.  I flip/flop and move a lot, but I have always done that….maybe my heart rate runs higher for the deep sleep range. Maybe this is normal with peri-menopause. Maybe I have a problem, I will watch it.

dievča,
In general, sleep experts are negative about people who get obsessed with their watch telling them that they don’t get enough deep sleep. Sleep is a very individual and complex issue. But the first thing to know is that everyone wakes up during a night’s sleep…we just don’t remember it.

Read this article:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/17/shut-eye-and-sleep-hygiene-the-truth-about-why-you-keep-waking-up-at-3am

COVID has also caused sleep problems. Read:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/23/the-zzz-factor-how-coronavirus-has-wreaked-havoc-with-our-sleep

In addition, you are absolutely right: peri-menopause can cause sleep problems. Read:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/16/i-look-at-the-clock-its-3am-why-women-cant-sleep

And here’s a very brief summary from the NYT about how to sleep better.

Hope some of this info is helpful.

Your Master


Mind and Body Silent

Some people are fans of the band, Chicago, others are not. dievca falls on one side of the fence and Master the other.

But the lyrics? – well they apply, whether one likes the band or not…especially when Master is the only person capable of causing His dievca to go mind and body silent 

[Verse 1]
When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are
Or what we’re doing, I’m with you, that’s all that matters
Time passes much too quickly when we’re together laughing
I wish I could sing it to you, oh no
I wish I could sing it to you

[Chorus]
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Mostly I’m silent mmm silent la la la la la
Never think about words to say

[Verse 2]
When I kiss you, I feel a thousand different feelings
The color of chills all over my body
And when I feel them, I quickly try to decide which one
I should try to put into words, oh no
Try to put into words

[Chorus]
Mostly I’m silent silent la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Silent

[Verse 3]
Only the beginning of what I want to feel forever yeah
Oh no whoa yes
Only the beginning, only just the start
I’ve got to get you into my life
Got to get you next to me
Only the beginning, only just the start


Home, finally…


A long week~
Always nice to shut the car door and walk towards Master in heels.


He’s home, He’s home, He’s home

Photo: Jon Stars, Prospect Park NY w Nicola Collie

Your Master arrived safely.
The humidity has broken.
D/s outside might be an option.
Joy!


A Moment to Take a Load Off~


Sometimes the Power Exchange Merges


Why it works (Horoscope-wise)

Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) –dievca

In most areas of their lives, The Scales are always seeking balance, except in the bedroom where playing with power and throwing off balance becomes very erotic. These closet freaks love to play with domination and submission.

Libras are people-pleasers. Outside of the bedroom, they often spend much of their time mirroring the behavior of others, as the last thing they want is to cause any offense. Being the submissive party allows Libras to get the kind of direction and guidance they wish they could receive constantly. Slow and sensuous usually Libras are happiest when they are told exactly what they can do to make their SO satisfied. Those born under this air sign also have a difficult time making decisions, so if a dominating partner is in charge, a Libra can just relax and enjoy themselves.

Consent and trust matter above all, but in a healthy BDSM relationship, having a partner who’s particularly fond of submitting can make for an incredibly sexy dynamic in bed.

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) -Master

Aw, Scorpio. Don’t be fooled by this water sign — when it comes to getting it on, Scorpio can bring the heat. Intense and passionate, Scorpio is naturally dominant in the bedroom and wants nothing more than to tell their partner exactly what to do. Not one to be sheepish about toys or new positions, Scorpio will set the tone of their sexual encounters, expecting their partner to (consensually!) follow along.

There’s no surprise that the most sexual of all the signs like to take their bedroom play to the extreme.

Signs which are submissive

Signs which are Dominant


Master brought it to mind.


Its been a while since His dievca has done self-care.
Might be a good time to take a moment.


Ummm, busy, please call back later.


So, has there been any D/s activity?

Yes.
In modified modes.

It’s not been all comfort food…
Master has been really cognizant about His dievca’s mental and physical state.
Back issues? Certain positions.
Torn Calf? Gentle maneuvering.
Mental meltdown? Coddling before shifting..
Need for oblivion? Heavy D/s subspace.

In return, dievca has been serving Her Master to the best of her abilities.
It’s amazing how they flip to D/s without much coaxing.
One cannot ask anything more than that in D/s relationship. Right?


It was a ‘yes’!


NYC weather took a 27 degree (F) drop from 55F to 28F (13C to -2C). dievca pulled out her soft fuzzy Japanese Cashmere Sweater by Side Slope and wore it to Master’s apartment. BDSM play was not the focus of the meet,  but a moment to touch and chat on the bed inspired dievca to strip everything off except the sweater.

The sweater was long enough to cover her pussy and offered hints of curves and nipples.
Soft enough for cuddling and sensation play.

It was a hit!

Peek-a-boo fuzziness and fun spilled into a strong D/s finish.
The final action answered dievca’s question on the original Fuzzy Sweater Post.

does Cosy/Snuggly = Sexy?

Master said, ‘yes’!

 


A Water Sign

Artist Katarina Marković – Photography Body

Water slipping, sensually
caressing
molding
holding
Master’s hands, fluid

 


Flying across the pond…


Your submissive is waiting.


Social Butterfly – who were you?

Per Urban Dictionary:

Social Butterfly

Someone who is VERY social and easygoing; can be either a male or a female. Usually, these people don’t belong to a particular group, but rather jump from one group to another. They are somewhat accepted in all of them but don’t really have any deep friendship connections in any of them.

dievca was a Social Butterfly in High School (HS). she missed a lot of school due to training/competing, so her socializing was sporadic. she made herself agreeable wherever and whenever she could. (No lunch, no study hall, no gym and perhaps some classes are missing – Driver’s Ed, Consumer Ed, etc.) she touched down lightly for a short time with whatever group was at hand and open to her company.

People mix-up her ability to socialize with popularity.

When she goes back to her HS Reunions, she remembers her Elementary School friends much better than HS people. That extra 8 years of Catholic School leaves an imprint. In turn, High School mates remember her…that is a bit of a scary thought.

The Geeks in her Science classes knew her best and she is always happy to see them.
Her close friendships were childhood friends and sports training friends. They stuck.

Apparently Master was “Popular” in High School.
Hah!
Something dievca did not know.
He never talks about childhood friends.

Master mumbled something about owning a car, dating more than His nerdy friends, people not knowing His background and them thinking that He was very self-assured, confident, smart and funny.

Not a lot of details offered, but it sounds like Master had a good time at his High School Reunion.

Hurrah!

Who were you in High School or Gymnasium?


She’s a Fox – 1980s flashbacks and reunions

noun. an attractive person.
“She is quite the fox.”

A 20-minute flashback~
Return to the 1980s and the pain of being an early teenager finding out about Love and Life.
Plus, big hair and mullets. What’s not to like?

She’s a Fox is a 2009 semi-autobiographical short film written and directed by Cameron Sawyer.

dievca was intrigued by the video, because Master flew to the West Coast, yesterday, one of the reasons for the trip is His High School Reunion. He’s a different generation than dievca and she wonders what He will find.
Reviewing a past Life and seeing how people move on (or don’t move on) is fascinating to dievca.

dievca hit her 10 year High School reunion and 20-year reunion, she passed on the 30-year meet up.
10 years – everyone was trying to impress one another.
20 years – people had been kicked around, divorced, the images had tarnished.
Will dievca make it to 50 Years? Who knows?
Her parents are in the 70-year range…do they still have reunions at that point?

Enjoy the sweet video and keep your ears/eyes open about Master’s experience. XO


Biting the bullet – Master’s bespoke suit

It took a while – 3 years to be exact – for Master to bite the bullet and agree to get measured for another custom suit. He’s attending an event in the UK and needs to look “spot on”.

dievca will be reviewing her own advice (above link) and checking out what is currently in fashion for suits. she does know that the “Thom Browne” look isn’t going to fly for Master.

Charcoal grey is in the initial plans, excellent fabric quality and a slimmer cut (but not shrunken) for Master’s solid physique. He’s been working hard on it.

A well-informed dievca is a “prepped and ready” dievca.!

Master just passed on a note. He only has to wear a suit jacket and pants. An easier option from the closet. All of dievca’s research is null and void.
Ah, well.


A Present for Sir or Madam?

Is it a present if a submissive offers their Sir or Madam a chair orgasm?
A front-row view of masturbation in sexy underpinnings?
Please let dievca know, she’s got the bones of a plan and would love to ‘flesh’ it out.


Master would laugh….

Easy Come t-shirt Zoe Karsson

Master has trained his dievca well.
she Orgasms upon command.
Note – dievca is usually wet when around her Master – that helps
But, there is a back to the Tee:

Re/Done ‘easy come, easy go’ tee
dievca’s not sure what that means in the BDSM context.
Slate Article: Come or Cum – We ask the hard questions…