You are alive because of me~

The idiom: Сенің арқаңда күн көріп жүрмін
Literal translation: “I see the sun on your back.”
What it means: “Thank you for being you. I am alive because of your help.”

Everyone needs a little help.

People have different needs.

Don’t assume because you are strong and I am strong that we have no needs.
Not True.

I see the sun on your back.
You see the sun on mine.

Good Morning! Decision made~

A fully coherent Father made his choice, clearly and verbally, “I will do the feeding tube in the stomach and rehab.” I know that this elongates the process, but we were so relieved that the choice was taken out of our hands and put into the hands of the main participant. Today, after coffee, I will work with the people who will help my Mother stay in their (Mom and Dad’s) home.

All this has made me think….I have no children, I need to make these plans ahead of time for myself. I cannot wait. (But, it cannot be done today…)

Have a Lovely Morning!

Update…three choices…and a potential game changer.

1.) Feeding tube in stomach and go to rehab place.
2.) Feeding tube in stomach and full-time nurse at home.
3.) No feeding tube. Hospice in home.

I’m pretty sure some of you have been here, or somewhere close, before.

“You know those young doctors – “well, he’s 87 and had a good Life”, they don’t care unless it’s their Dad.  Then she walked in, a Geriatric Doctor, slightly older and she didn’t understand why she hadn’t been called earlier.” – dievca’s brother

There is a Geriatric Doctor?
She’s sharp?
On it?

There are two seizure meds?
It may be one too many?
Might be causing the drowsiness?
Removal might help with………..swallowing……..

And the game changes. We will see~ Crossing fingers. Knocking wood.

Seniors over age 85 are the fastest-growing segment of the population. If you or any of your loved ones are over 65, being treated by a geriatrician can make all the difference. Geriatricians are primary care doctors who have had additional training in the health care needs of older people.

PS. The staff of the facility where dievca’s Dad is being treated has been stellar. Sometimes pieces and people get tangled, you learn as you go. Sometimes you don’t know the right questions to ask – but dievca is keeping notes for herself, Master, family, etc. None of us are getting any younger.

misty eyrie

Here I sit in my bower of fog
sipping my coffee
feeling wombed
in this giant City

I lived in Iceland during a past life and one of the greatest Joys was seeing the views change in the fjords with the weather. I became obsessed. It’s happening again with my new vista (modern definition).

Watching the weather roll in over the Hudson River is becoming a great Joy.

(click on photos to enlarge)

Photos: dievca NYC 02/2018

Update ~

Flying in, I hear that the anti-seizure drip kicked in – much better than having to make  a breathing tube decision. Especially when your Dad emphatically stated “no tubes”…

I arrive and drive straight to the hospital. It’s 9:30 pm on a Saturday in the Midwest, the emergency room is almost empty and I have to wander through a labyrinth to find the Neuro ICU.

…arriving to someone who can open his eyes and someone who can’t get their words out, but knows where the toilet is and gets the message across clearly by sliding to the edge of the bed, then stands/walks (shuffles) with moderate+ help and does the bm business well in a semi-private mode.  (my Dad will kill himself not to use a pan, apparently) Things are looking up!

It reminds me of M being sick and being so happy when he had a moment, too. It’s a basic action in Life that sets the tune for self-care in sickness and in health.

non-sexual gratification via scat

Now, as I look out on 6+ inches (15.2 cm) of new snow and drinking coffee, I’m devising a plan for getting my Mom “with it”.

Argh! I just realized it’s still snowing. OMG, my Dad still has my snowblower from when I lived in the Midwest. Time to ask for neighborly help with clearing the driveway.

dievca’s reference to “scat play” is something she and Master are not into – but BM’s are a part of our health and something dievca is learning to be fascinated with in regards to health….a fact of a healthy Life.

If you were curious about scat play in regards to BDSM, here’s information via Wiki:

Coprophilia (from Greek κόπρος, kópros—excrement and φιλία, philía—liking, fondness), also called scatophilia or scat (Greek: σκατά, skatá-feces),

is the paraphilia involving sexual arousal and pleasure from feces. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association, it is classified under 302.89 – Paraphilia NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) and has no diagnostic criteria other than a general statement about paraphilias that says “the diagnosis is made if the behavior, sexual urges, or fantasies cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”. Furthermore, the DSM-IV-TR notes, “Fantasies, behaviors, or objects are paraphilic only when they lead to clinically significant distress or impairment (e.g. are obligatory, result in sexual dysfunction, require participation of non-consenting people, lead to legal complications, interfere with social relationships)”.

Although there may be no connection between coprophilia and sadomasochism (SM), the limited data on the former comes from studies of the latter. A study of 164 men in Finland from two SM clubs found that 18.2% had engaged in coprophilia; 3% as a sadist, 6.1% as a masochist, and 9.1% as both. 18% of heterosexuals and 17% of homosexuals in the study pool had tried coprophilia, showing no statistically significant difference between heterosexuals and homosexuals. In a separate article analyzing 12 men who engaged in bestiality, an additional analysis of an 11-man subgroup revealed that 6 had engaged in coprophilic behavior, compared with only 1 in the matched control group consisting of 12 SM-oriented males who did not engage in bestiality.

Total Lunar Eclipse of the Heart

December’s full moon was the first of three full moon supermoons in a row.

There was one in Dec., one on Jan. 2 and today’s supermoon – Jan. 31, will be the third. This second moon of January is a “blue moon,” which is the term used for the second full moon in one month.

That blue moon will also be part of a total lunar eclipse, but those in North America won’t get to see it because it will happen during the daylight hours.

We can sing, though….

dievca is catching up with her Master in the evening and she is planning on:

  • BIG hair
  • smokey eyes
  • she’ll be borrowing Master’s White Robe
  • wearing Master’s Collar
  • no shoes, OPI “I’m Not A Waitress” Red Polish
  • Mac Russian Red lips
  • lots of candles
  • Waterford Crystal


and as dievca is odalisquing, she will ask her Master to wish upon the moon. XO


Please, hurry home.

The past 3 days I masturbated.
Leaning over the side of the bed with my legs spread wide open, my head and shoulders resting on the bed, my hands between my legs playing with my pussy and clitoris.
Lying on my back in the sun with clips on my nipples and vibrator in my ass, fingers at my clit.
As I lay prone on the bed with my hands between my legs, dildo in my pussy and vibrator at my clit – I came quickly thinking about your cock in my mouth.
Today, I plan to shower and stretch out on the bed-spread eagle. I’ll play with my nipples and place clips on my vulva to hold it open. I’ll drizzle lube on my pussy and with the lips open, massage it with a vibrator.  If I come quickly, I have time to consider a second round.
All very lovely and healthy – but not quite as good as taking care of my Master and my Master taking care of me.
I know you hate being told what to do. I am asking – please hurry home.
horny d.