A long weekend – a college friend has chosen not to operate on their cancer due to quality of Life and has five years. This is where you find out what speaks to you in Life and you do it.
Photo: Vivienne Westwood Lingerie BDSM
Today wasn’t planned this way – but this is what/when you:
Close Friend’s 20-Something has cancer and surgery within 24 hours.
When it’s your older brother who smoked cigars and Stage 2 – expected.
Young Adult, not expected.
Need a minute.
Olivia Newton-John passed away yesterday. she seemed like a very kind individual and dievca was prompted to revisit her music. dievca’s favorite song from her is pretty much the saddest song.
dievca prefers the original:
dievca’s Swedish friend laughs at her because dievca always has to visit two stores in a small town. One is an optical shop that sells great eyeglass frames and the second is, well, yeah – a “Mature Women’s” shop . A modehus that her friend does not step into unless dievca is visiting. Let’s put it this way – dievca saw a pair of cropped pants in the store and then saw them on her friend’s Mother-in-Law an hour later.
Whatever. dievca stops in because she always finds a gem.
Two trips ago, the gem was a dress made by a Danish designer upcycling vintage Sari silk. dievca still wears the dress. dievca bought a similar dress on her last trip, but she felt that the arms were too snug and she passed it on to her Dutch friend. Her friend loves the dress so much and has worn it a number of times that she had to wash it.
dievca received this photo in response:
You have to appreciate a fabric care tag telling it like it is!
What did dievca buy this trip?
Well, TWO pairs of eyeglass frames – but they will appear in another post and a “Made in Italy” linen top which was a tunic but dievca’s friend’s Mother cropped it for our short dievca:
It looks clean and crisp with white jeans and the Zimmerman sandals:
Always a delightful endeavor.
dievca lost those 8 hours of work on Friday with travel debacles, she made them up by starting at 4:00 am and plowing through the house. Her brother, Sister-in-Law, Nephew and Niece-in-Law + the three older kids (10, 9, 7) were amazing. 3 bedrooms 2.5 baths, full basement, full attic, 3 stall garage – sorted, packed, Goodwilled, Seniors Elderly Center, Animal Shelter and the house staged with furniture wanted by the buyer and left with some accessories/decent linens.
Dinners were nice affairs – Pizza on late arrival with Red wine. Caregivers and everyone shared a lovely meal with Seafood/Italian to honor Mom and Dad amidst the house chaos + the chocolates Mom loved, Wild Rice Chicken and Mushroom Soup + fresh baked bread the next evening at dievca’s Nephew/Nieces’ house. After the dinners, back to work for dievca for an hour or so. Then, early to bed, early to rise.
At the Airport, dievca was handed a flute of champagne and started buzzing immediate due to exhaustion and lack of food. she went for a second glass and overheard the bartender say that the “premium” champagne was being served because the inexpensive one ran out. So, when her elbow knocked over 1/3 of the flute of champage, dievca ponder getting a third flute – but getting bombed before a flight was not on the agenda.
Caregivers are cleaning the house today, dievca’s brother will do a walk-thru with realtor on Weds – closing on Friday if all goes well.
dievca’s Brother was on a mission to get the house sold. she would not recommend this timeline to anyone, but it is possible with many hands working together. XO
Side note: Mom and Dad’s ashes were in the Laundry Room, side by side. Mom obviously weighed a lot less than Dad did at the end – we think it was the osteoperosis. The 1st night dievca needed water at 3 am and she ran into the laundry room to grab a bottle – the light over Mom and Dad was flickering. Then she found a $100 bill in a card that her Dad had written, “Happy Birthday” with no name on it. Used the money to pay for the babysitter watching the 3 younger kids (5, 3, 1.5) – Dad would have been happy.
dievca’s Mom had a lot of clothing in various places around the house (socks and stockings in the TV Armoire ?!?!?). dievca had completed her Dad’s clothing and thought she was finished, but she forgot all of the drawers upstairs. So, dievca sat on the stairs sorting scarves and tops for the final hurrah…and then treated herself to a bath where her Mom was oh so happy. It was a lovely bath – the glass of wine didn’t hurt. Maybe she won’t be too sore tomorrow.
Furniture into storage and more GoodWill runs on the agenda.
dievca hopes everyone is doing well.
dievca is flying back to the Midwest to clear out the house.
There is a buyer – they want the furniture.
Cross fingers it goes through. XO
dievca was looking out at the sunset when her brother called. Apparently 6 people saw Mom and Dad’s house today – the first day it was listed. Mom and Dad lived in a small town in a rural area surrounded by farms….so both dievca and her brother were surprised.
There are 7 more people on the schedule for tomorrow. Someone made a cash offer today and the realtor will ask for ‘Highest and Best’ offers by 5 pm tomorrow night to decide. dievca is not sure why the realtor isn’t asking for “Best and Final” offers because dievca’s brother wants the house sold as is and as soon as possible.
That means dievca will have to hustle back and get the furniture and things sorted. It would have been nice to do it in April – not the deep of February. (Shit, why not just pile one more item on a failing dievca…🙄)
Please note that the house is not the one dievca grew up in – just the one her parents built to die in.
Photo: dievca Hudson River NYC 01/2022
dievca has learned something about the people she considers close friends. When the shit hits the fan, they connect the first day – and then they check-in on the second day. It’s very interesting to watch.
dievca thought about it, she checks in, too.
The question is – when dievca really loses it 3 months, hence – will those people mind stepping in a
second third time? Probably, that’s what good friends do~
Watch – it will happen to you.
Please find your most elegant champagne, wine, whiskey, or highball glass to fill and please Toast my lovely Mother (and my Gentleman of a Father). Now, they have both moved on.
It took the Priest and ‘Last Rites’ to help change Mom’s breathing pattern – we think she was working things out in her mind.
Anyways, the funny thing is that dievca had read a NYer Article about Estate Sales before bed. So, when she dreamed about Waterford Crystal at 1:30 am and her Mom came in for a chat – she didn’t think much of it. But, it was Mom stopping by – she passed at 1:30 am.
And the Waterford? Going to dievca’s Niece-In-Law if she wants it.
- What makes life worth living?
- What would make life definitely not worth living?
- What might at first seem too much to put up with, but then might seem manageable after getting familiar with the situation and learning to deal with it?
- If you knew life was coming to an end, what would be comforting and make dying feel safe?
What, in that situation, would you want to avoid?
- How much control is important for you to have when facing a terminal illness?
We may see that dying is the better of two choices, and be ready to give the loved one permission to die. The dying person may be distressed at causing grief for those who love them, and, receiving permission to die can relieve their distress. There is a time for this to happen. Before that, it feels wrong to accept a loss, but after that it can be an act of great kindness to say, “You may go when you feel it is time. I will be OK.”
At the time a person is near death, sometimes touch is the best communication. Gentle stroking of a hand or a cheek, and quietly reassuring the person that you love them and that you will be all right is perhaps the most compassionate way to ease your loved one on his journey. In a situation where you are not present at the time of death, forgive yourself and know that you did the best you could to make the final hours or weeks of life peaceful and meaningful.
According to Hospice and an EMT Family Member, Mom is holding on hard. dievca’s one brother is there, Grandchildren are there, a lovely Caregiver, the Great-Grandchild have gone over, dievca and her cousins have spoken and sang to Mom, dievca hopes her other brother has spoken to Mom, but she’s not sure….what are we missing?
dievca’s Dad checked in with everyone and then let go~ We cannot figure out what Mom is holding on for~ she moves her lips when something pleases her and the mention of a bath causes those lips to move. Mom floats with her Osteoperosis. Maybe the simple pleasure of a bath~
Just wish we could figure out what would help.
Master Speaks His Command
May you have a very Healthy, Happy and Positive Year in 2022!
Sending love, dievča
Photo: Gloria DeHaven
Allow yourself to Dream!
Photo: dievca NYC 12/2021
Sending Warm Wishes!
XO your dievča
Pin-Up: Baron von Lind
dievca’s been watching friends Zoom date, navigate around COVID-19 and death, sort through the ashes of a relationship that crashed hard and, in one case, is watching a friend reunite happily with an old Flame.
Ho sbagliato tante volte ormai
che lo so già
che oggi quasi certamente
sto sbagliando su di te.
Ma una volta in più che cosa può cambiare
nella vita mia…
Accettare questo strano appuntamento
è stata una pazzia!
Sono triste tra la gente che
mi sta passando accanto,
ma la nostalgia di rivedere te
è forte più del pianto.
Questo sole accende sul mio volto
un segno di speranza.
Sto aspettando quando a un tratto
ti vedrò spuntare in lontananza!
Amore, fai presto,
io non resisto…
Se tu non arrivi, non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…
È cambiato il tempo e sta piovendo,
ma resto ad aspettare.
Non m’importa cosa il mondo può pensare,
io non me ne voglio andare.
Io mi guardo dentro e mi domando,
ma non sento niente.
Sono solo un resto di speranza
perduta tra la gente.
Amore, è già tardi
e non resisto…
Se tu non arrivi, non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…
Luci, macchine, vetrine, strade, tutto quanto
si confonde nella mente.
La mia ombra si è stancata di seguirmi,
il giorno muore lentamente.
Non mi resta che tornare a casa mia
alla mia triste vita.
Questa vita che volevo dare a te
l’hai sbriciolata tra le dita…
ma non resisto…
Adesso per sempre non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…
I was wrong so many times by now,
I already know
that almost certainly today
I am wrong about you
but what difference can one more time make
in this life of mine..
Accepting this odd date,
it was insanity! (some folly)
I am sad among the people
but the wistful feeling (nostalgia) of seeing you again
is stronger than the tears
This sun lights up on my face
a sign of hope
I am waiting and suddenly
I will see you appear yonder (in the distance)
My love be here soon (hurry up),
I can’t take it (resist)
if you don’t come, I don’t exist
I don’t exist, I don’t exist …
The weather has changed, and it is raining
but I stay and wait (keep on waiting)
I am not concerned (don’t care) about what the world will think [of me]
I don’t wanna go.
I look within myself and wonder
but I feel nothing (hear nothing?)
I am just some remains of hope
lost among people
My love, it’s already late
and I can’t take it (resist)
if you don’t come, I don’t exist
I don’t exist, I don’t exist …
Lights, cars, shop windows, roads
they all confuse into my mind
my shadow got tired of following me
the day slowly dies
All that’s left is to go back to my house
to my sad life
This life I wanted to give to you
you crumbled it between your fingers
My love, forgive me, but I can’t take it…
Now forever, I don’t exist
deivca is pondering a question this morning… please let her explain the scenario, 1st:
A work friend died yesterday. she was a few years older than dievca. The friend worked at a different location, so dievca didn’t see her all the time. dievca did see the friend in the summer and she looked a bit tired and thin, but her friend was thin to begin with. The friend was moving well and rollerblading consistently to work.
In September the friend asked dievca for a favor and it was to be turned back over in November. Not anymore.
No one knew the friend was sick, she just died.
It was cancer.
The workplace is reeling because this person was kind, happy, and caring. Lovely to everyone.
No one knows what happened. Was it diagnosed Stage 4? did she decide to pass on chemo? was it so aggressive there was no time? had she been battling it for a while and told no one but her family?
Back to dievca’s pondering…
Is it better to let people know about your illness or say nothing?
A quick death might be better for the terminally ill person, but doesn’t allow people to say Good-Bye.
(You don’t have to explain your condition, your treatment plans, deal with everyone feeling sorry for you, etc.)
A longer process allows people to connect with the terminally ill person but extends their trauma.
(People will keep asking what is going on, what the treatment plan is, ask how you are feeling, maybe offer pity, etc.)
OK, multiple questions. Tough questions.
No matter what the answers, it does bring to mind the phrase, “My Body – My Choice.”
Everybody knows the secular holiday of Halloween. But not everybody knows it derives from a Holy Day, All Saints’ Day on Nov. 1, which is followed by All Souls’ Day on Nov. 2.
The root word of Halloween is ‘’hallow’’ which means ‘’holy.’’ The suffix “een” is an abbreviation of “evening.” It refers to the Eve of All Hallows, the night before the Christian Holy Day that honors saintly people from the past.
All Saints is a celebration of the communion of saints, those people we believe are in heaven.
All Souls’ Day is a day to pray for all souls.
Where is dievca going with this on a COFFEE MONDAY MORNING?
she realized that she would really like to get a coffee and sit down and have a chat with a dead friend. The friend she went to College with, the friend who loved the Fine Young Cannibals and the Cure, the friend with whom she caused a lot of trouble with, the friend who didn’t pass judgement, the friend who dealt with Gall Bladder Cancer then Pancreatic Cancer with grace.
Do you have anyone you would like to have coffee with?
All Soul’s Day would be the Day.
dievca will hit her friend’s favorite coffee shop in NYC tomorrow.
The graveside chat will be something for next year.
Artist and photographer,made several sadomasochistic photos in his career in the 1920s and 1930s. He was a devotee to the works of the Marquis de Sade, and created portraits of the Marquis. Man Ray was one of many artists seeking truth through extreme mental and physical states.
Man Ray’s 1930 Gloved Figure exemplifies the relationship between sadomasochism and mysticism. The photograph features a figure clad in suede elbow-length gloves, and a matching suede mask. The mask and gloves have been carefully constructed out of the same light-coloured suede material and appear to fit snugly over the model’s face and hands, suggesting that they were made specifically for this shoot based on the model’s exact measurements. The model’s hands are pulled above their head and are attached to a metal chain hanging from the ceiling with a pair of handcuffs. The model is clearly in the masochistic position, their sense of sight and hearing deprived by the mask and their ability to move severely, if not completely, hindered by the handcuffs and chain, which leaves them seemingly suspended from the ceiling.
Man Ray made a strong connection between artistic prowess and masculine prowess, specifically power over women; the bohemian machismo.
Created in 1930, the Fetishistic Mise-en-scène for William Seabrook series was considered so perverse it was only widely released to the public in 1994. As the title suggests, the series was created by Man Ray at the request of Seabrook. They worked together to bring Seabrook’s fantasies to life, male voyeurism and the fetishization of lesbianism for male pleasure.
Man Ray doesn’t seem entirely comfortable with Seabrook’s world, hence the less intimate cropping. He seems to prefer his sadism to be spontaneous outbursts of passion, not the meticulously planned, “perverse” scenarios of Seabrook.
A "Thank You" to Man Ray, Audrey Warne. Peter Tupper
It was a quick trip to Mom, 4 days. Packed a lot into the time. POA shift, moved Mom on to hospice, need a new hospital bed – motor died (made do with a log and seat cushion to change the angles for Mom), attempted to get quality WiFi (need a new router), attempted to get the gardens/yard into some semblance of order (including picking up 15 cigarette butts on the driveway from a caregiver – what is wrong with people. Are they born in a barn? We have a cigarette repository out there.), maintenance man/snow removal man is no longer working – looking for help (Note his kid moved away and they no longer need to store his classic car in the garage…hmmm? Maybe that had something to do with being unavailable…), cleaned the odd places in the house and the upstairs as best as possible.
Grocery shopped at night and saw ⇑⇑⇑ the MOON!
It’s Full this Evening. Don’t forget to shake your wallet at the Moon!
And think of dievca flying home late tonight. XO
dievca was asked to help a young adult (sophomore) and the student/Mother are trying to get a schedule together…. dievca offered 11 am or 2:30 pm on Saturday. The kid can’t make it because she schedules ‘sleepover’s’ on Friday nights…. but, then she wants to try 6 am during the week.
Look, if you cannot get going by 11 am on a Saturday – you will not make 6 am during the week.
And a ‘sleepover’? at age 15/16? Sometimes NYC befuddles dievca’s Midwestern brain.
dievca mentioned that her Mom is fading or depressed and her Mom’s best friend (91) immediately asked her son to drive her up to my Mom. (God, I’m starting to cry). deivca set up the date to coincide with the caregiver who likes to cook and is already thinking of a nice light lunch for the ladies. Mom’s friend is bringing the dessert – a certain chocolate and raspberry cake because she knows Mom loves it. dievca’s Mom will rally to sit in the wheelchair for a longer period and see her friend – they will lean close because neither can hear. It’s a gift that is amazingly generous.
Never dismiss the touch of a true friend, its one of Life’s greatest miracles.
If there’s one feature that can immediately categorize a joke as a “dad joke,” it’s wordplay, especially of the unsophisticated variety. Examples: “Hey, do you know what time my dentist appointment is? Tooth-hurty.” “You know why they always build fences around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.” The purposeful confusion of “smart feller” and “fart smeller.”
Note: dievca’s Dad was working that “fart smeller” joke hard – right up until he died. Makes her smile thinking about it~
Let the Coffee Jokes begin!
- Barista: How do you take your coffee?
Me: Very, very seriously.
- What do you call sad coffee?
- What’s the best Beatles song?
- Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That’s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
- How does Moses make his coffee?
- What did the coffee lover name her son?
- What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
- How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
- How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his victims—all ground up.
- How is divorce like espresso?
It’s expensive and bitter.
A "Thank You" to the ScaryMommy website for the coffee humor.
dievca was reading an article about when family members die, its hard to get rid of their “stuff” because of your memories attached to their items or the memories of the person who used the item. Whew – that was a mouthful. For example, dievca has her Dad’s Levi’s looped Terry Cloth Shirt from the 1970’s. With a boat neck and 3/4 sleeves in white with blue stripes it looks like a marinière-style shirt. She remembers him wearing it to the Tennis Courts or the Pool. It’s still wearable and looped terry cloth clothing is “in”.
And then there is other stuff that you keep because you think you will use it. And – shocker! – you do use it. Like a vintage Ice Cream scoop (1937) from you Aunt and her two 10″ Aires Box Fans (circa 2004 – received, new in box).
Mind you, those box fans have now been used and knocked over a number of times and because they are plastic/slighty flexible – they keep bouncing back for more. Something of Use!
All three items keep you cool in the Summer, all three items are practical and all three offer memories.
Three items that dievca doesn’t feel guilty for keeping.
Research shows we are actually genetically predisposed to be either a morning or an evening person. According to chronobiology (the study of time in living things), cells in everything from plants to people work on their own internal ‘clock’.
So, when you had a Father who woke up at 4 am every morning for years after driving the boys to hockey practice and a Mother who stayed up reading or doing chores until 1 am and would still prefer that schedule, where does a dievca fall on that genetic predisposition? Note: One brother is up at 4 am, the other is up until 2 am…
This question is lurking in dievca’s mind as she tries to get better quality sleep during her perimenopause phase…
Well~ work dictates and this Summer is asking for 6 am starts~
dievca will follow her Dad’s guidance and be an Early Bird – at least until she catches her second wind at 10 pm one night throw the best laid plans into Night Owl mode.