Saved a life this morning, pre-coffee

When you are riding, walking, running, scootering in the City – you can’t be worrying about the people you are with – its every Man (Women, Child) for themselves. FOCUS!  An older runner was following her “pack” across the Westside Highway – not looking at the lights – the youngsters sprinted (like fools) and she was trotting behind straight into oncoming traffic. dievca yelled and the Lady turned to make it back to the sidewalk right before getting hit.  Even though the Lady was older, dievca hollered at her and said, “focus on yourself” after the Lady muttered, “I assumed my girls were watching the lights”.

When a human head cracks on the pavement it sounds like a watermelon thumping. dievca is not interested in hearing that sound and sticking around to help with the mess. If you come to the City – please pay attention and don’t depend upon others – depend upon yourself. XO

dievca was little too shaky to have coffee immediately – her adrenaline was surging.

20210719_065510


“Where does an 800-pound gorilla sit?” [“Anywhere it wants to.”]

Photo: dievca Hudson Yards NYC 02/2021

To raise awareness and funds for the critically endangered gorilla species, public artists Gillie and Marc Schattner have created a massive sculpture of the animal that arrived in Hudson Yards’ Bella Abzug Park. Titled King Nyani, Swahili for ‘gorilla’, it’s the world’s largest bronze gorilla sculpture and can fit two to three humans just in its hands.


Qualities to look for in a partner (Vanilla or BDSM) – Good to Know

When looking for a partner we tend to look for brains, kindness, and attractiveness—the usual. But another quality might be just as important if you’re looking for a long-term, healthy relationship: “emotional fluency.”

Emotional fluency is the act of voicing your emotions with your partner.

This can be extended to roommates, family members, friends – especially in the close confines of COVID-19 quarantining.

In a recent interview with Science of Us, therapist Brian Gleason (and co-author, with his wife, of Exceptional Relationships: Transformation Through Embodied Couples Work) discusses the importance of voicing your emotions with your partner (which he dubs emotional fluency).

One of the biggest reasons couples have trouble is because they have not developed emotional fluency, he says.

“We’re just not trained to speak in emotional language,” says Gleason. Good news: He says it’s a skill we can improve. “The more [feelings] that we’re able to put into some sort of language and convey it to our partner—that these are my inner experiences right now—the more empathy there is in the relationship.”

What happens when you aren’t open about your emotions? Most people—when they’re stressed, angry, or sad—tend to withdraw and perhaps glue their eyes to their phone, shutting off from the rest of the world (including your partner), Gleason says. Sound familiar? (Guilty.)

“The less I can say, this is my inner experience, the more my partner is going to be reacting to [just] my outer behavior, oftentimes with judgment and frustration,” says Gleason.

By explaining your particular 4-1-1 du jour in a direct way,  you’re giving your partner what he or she needs in order to react with affirmations, advice, and other positive reinforcements.

In other words, as mom always said: Use your words! If you do, it can bring you closer together, instead of creating conflict, Gleason says.

Having an a-ha moment? The next time you’re stressed or angry, try to close Instagram and talk about it with your partner instead (could be easier said than done, but worth a try).

From a Well + Good article by Rachel Lapidos, click here.


surfacing (haiku)

Photo: Guido Argentini

The eyes are open
Aware but barely knowing
To slide thru the day

 


Learning about one’s self


Hmmm…dievca falls into this group…

Undergraduate and graduate women (N = 245) from a large midwestern university volunteered to complete nine self‐report scales and inventories. Thirty‐seven percent of the sample reported they had experienced nocturnal orgasm, and 30% reported having had the experience in the past year. The predictors accounted for a statistically significant amount of variation in each of the dependent variables: 33% of “ever experienced nocturnal orgasm,” 44% of “experienced nocturnal orgasm in the past year,” and 27% in the case of “frequency of nocturnal orgasm in the past year.” Positive attitudes toward and knowledge of nocturnal orgasms, sexual liberalism, and waking sexually excited from sleep (without experiencing orgasm) were the most important predictors of nocturnal orgasm experience.

-The Journal of Sex Research, Volume 22, 1986 – Issue 4. Barbara L. Wells


Sunday Morning Musings

You know, the US Midwest is a really beautiful place.  The photos are of the dawn of a day that is supposed to hold rain.  There is a woodpecker, pecking. Geese are flying back up North. Squirrels are scrambling, a Fox found its stash and moved it (there is a fox den somewhere on dievca’s parents land).

dievca is usually very aware of her surroundings and bodily movements in space.
Master calls her, “Self Aware”, internally and externally.

That brings us to personal Health.
With older Parents, one may be hyper-aware of Mortality. And you begin to be more in tune with your body — or you will choose to ignore your body…

dievca’s Aunt fought help, hid out and passed with maggots on her legs – it was a battle – always.

dievca’s Doctor put it this way, “There are patients who check their stool and those who don’t. Those who do, pay attention to little things in their body even if they are not palatable. They know when something is going wrong.” dievca checks, dievca’s Mom – doesn’t. dievca’s Dad, does…

It’s killing dievca’s Mom that everyone is aware and checking. Perhaps even making commentary.
But, she is the one benefitting from the checks and analysis.
And it is making EVERYONE’s life easier.

Mom is a pain-in-the-a**, but not as disagreeable and nasty as dievca’s Aunt

So, dievca is an advocate of bodily and mental awareness.
It saves a lot of trouble down the line.

Don’t forget to stop and analyze the Dawn.
That’s pure Joy.


Drama? What Drama? I had no idea….

Lucy-van-pelt-1-“Do you want to be honest, or do you want to win?
You could have it all if you could gracefully give in
Like when a martyr knows he’s a martyr
And looking in the mirror makes you cry harder
’bout your glittering ball and chain
In love, In love with your
Beautiful pain

Excuses and old theories repeat themselves and die
But when they don’t hold water
You try to keep them safe and dry”
– lyrics from the song Beautiful Pain by Rosanne Cash

 

dramaDrama: any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting,or striking interest or results.

dievca always thought she was a “no drama” zone.  she feels deeply and is very direct/honest with her emotions – but not apt to make a scene.

A friend used the word “drama”multiple times relating to dievca.  dievca thought she was missing something in the definition and looked the word up. The direct definition didn’t seem to apply either.

So, dievca  googled Drama vs. Emotions and ran into this article:

Mind Body Green: Are you expressing your feelings or just creating drama?

Drama eCard

OMG — dievca was horrified, she has done this!
And it prompted her to write this e-mail:

I have never understood why you use the word Drama relating to me. No one has ever used the word for me.  I didn’t think I do drama.

I kept thinking that I just was telling you how I feel….

Apparently, not.

I was looking up the definition of Drama for a blog post and came across something about drama vs emotions, this article explained an important difference to me:

So how do you avoid drama while simply feeling your feelings? The easiest way is this:
When communicating an emotional experience to whomever you feel provoked by, say, “I feel _____.
 
But when saying it in a different way:
 
“You statements” = drama.
You made me feel _____!

The message in between the lines is:

You screwed up.

You did something I don’t like.

You’re wrong.

I am sure I have done this in the past, I cannot change that~

But the past two emails, where I replied to you – I did not do it.

So, if you are generous – I guess we should start there to go  forward.

I still feel a deep need to say I am sorry. I had no idea.

Update:
dievca’s sincere apology was accepted, plus she is doing well at using different verbiage to describe her feelings.
Whew!