Kink vs. Fetish

The Velvet Underground sang, “Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather…Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you” (“Venus in Furs”).

Does the song touch on kinks or fetishes? It all depends…

Kinks
‘Kink’ is a general term that describes any sexual proclivities that could be seen as unconventional. It comes from the idea that one’s sexuality may deviate from the norm—the straight line has bend in it.

Costumes, role play, BDSM—anything in that kind of area could be considered a kink, but so could plenty of accessory-free activities. One person’s standard sexual activity can be another individual’s kink. The line fluctuates from person to person.

In the past, BDSM was seen as a ‘paraphilia’ rather than a kink, grouped by psychiatrists with desires to perform non-consensual acts. There is a world of difference between consenting adults experimenting with each other in the pursuit of pleasure and people harming others against their will. Master and dievca have a relationship based upon consent – experimenting and living with a power dynamic and other activities.

Fetishes
A fetish is a sexual fixation on a certain object or act that is necessary for a person to achieve sexual gratification.

If you enjoy certain activities that are not considered the norm that might be a kink, but if you can’t get off without a certain object, process or activity – that’s a fetish. Anal sex you try every year on your birthday? A kink. Can’t get in the mood without being peed on? A fetish.

Kinks are employed to enhance an experience, fetishes are integral to them. 

Another way a kink becomes a fetish is if the other person can be removed from the equation – if you are turned on by shoes alone without anyone to be wearing them, that’s a fetish. Partialism is a sexual interest with a focus on a specific part of the body. This can be any part of the body, such as the hair, breasts, or buttocks. The most common form of partialism is podophilia, in which a person becomes sexually aroused by feet.

“Diversity, dievca, Diversity!”

Master and dievca had a conversation about Kink and Fetishes early in their Relationship. Master mentioned that His interest waned when a partner couldn’t orgasm unless a certain set of steps were followed in precise order while wearing a specific outfit. It was fine early in the relationship because it was about communication and learning about someone new – but later, for Him, it was tedious.

dievca has found that she likes to “change it up”, too.  Apparently, her getting off can happen in a variety of ways and Master delights in finding a new cause for orgasm.

That said, it is good when someone knows specifically what “gets them off”. Some people go through Life never understanding their body, needs nor have had their desires met. Having a fetish may offer a clear cut road for success!

Photo: dievca thinks the photo can be credited to Kaushik, Gupta


Thoughts on a Friday: Nice vs. Kind

Kindness is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and a concern for others. It is known as a virtue and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

 

The Difference between being Nice and being Kind.

The way I understand it, kindness emerges from someone who’s confident, compassionate and comfortable with themselves. A kind person is loving and giving out of the goodness of their heart.

At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves.
~ Marcia Sirota

 

Kind:

  • Genuinely kind people are giving because it’s in their nature to care, and since they have no ulterior motives, they aren’t concerned with whether or not other people like them.
  • Kind people can be assertive and set good limits.
  • Kind people have good self-esteem and because they love themselves as much as they care about others, they expect to be treated with respect.
  • Kind people take responsibility for their own self-care. They’re generous, even altruistic, but don’t get caught up in a user-pleaser type of relationship.
  • Kind people are happy people, to begin with, and add to their happiness through acts of generosity and altruism. Nice people are needy people who inadvertently create more and more unhappiness for themselves

Nice:

  • Nice people bend over backward to be obliging. They deal with potential conflicts by placating the other person because they can’t bear to have anyone upset with them.
  • Nice people are desperate for approval, so they’re often mistreated or taken advantage of.
  • Nice people tend to do too much for those who don’t deserve it and are easy prey for users. They get into co-dependent relationships in which they care-take others in the hopes of eventually being cared for themselves.
  • The nice person is careful not to offend anyone and wouldn’t dream of expressing a “negative” emotion. They focus on being good to others, to the detriment of their own needs. In fact, they’re afraid to ask for what they want for fear of creating conflict.
  • Nice people stuff down their feelings, not wanting to be a bother to anyone, but the problem with this is that emotions can’t be kept down indefinitely. Feelings and needs are meant to be expressed and when they’re repressed, they find another outlet.
  • The nice person is overly-invested in the emotional pay-off they’re hoping to achieve by pleasing and taking care of others. They’re also unwilling to face how much hurt or anger they’re carrying. They’re resistant to changing their behavior, despite the consequences of their compensatory addictions.

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Thank you to the Huffington Post.


Fade Into You – where do you go?

Where do you go when the World gets a little crazy?
What habits, activities, processes happen?
dievca is still working, but when she has a chunk of open time after wiping down the refrigerator….three things may occur:

    1. The vintage 1990’s Champion Sweats appear, cosy and worn in
    2. Alexa plays Classic Cassette Era Rock, 1970’s Pop, 1980’s New Wave, 1990’s Alternative
    3. dievca’s nose gets stuck in a Sci-Fi / Fantasy novel

Master just laughs at His dievca when she hides from the World – He knows she’ll come back to Reality with Him.


But Master isn’t here and dievca has slipped into her 90’s Alternative Universe with Mazzy Star.  Yes, she has her Champion Reverseweave Sweatshirt on:

What do you do to slip away?

 

Mazzy Star – Fade Into You – 10/2/1994 – Shoreline Amphitheatre (Official)


Fade Into You
Mazzy Star
I wanna hold the hand inside you
I wanna take the breath that’s true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life, you go in shadow
You’ll come upon and you’ll go black
Some kind of night into your darkness
Close your eyes with what’s not there
Fade into you
Strange you never knew
Fade into you
I think it’s strange you never knew
The strange light comes on slowly
A stranger’s heart is out of home
You put your hands into your head
And your smiles cover your heart

Songwriters: David Roback / Hope Sandoval


The case for stopping at two…

Vintage Photo Ladies Drinking Goddess of WinePhotographer Marcos Alberti‘s photo project, 3 Glasses Later, could be considered a probing investigation into the intoxicated human psyche. But a more accurate description would be that it’s a series of portraits of increasingly tipsy people. Alberti snapped photos of his friends when they were sober — and then again after one, two, and finally three glasses of wine. If this sounds like some of your Facebook albums from freshman year of college, you’re not alone.

“I wanted to show the good side of drinking,” Alberti tells Refinery29. “With friends, in a good and happy environment, and with moderation, wine could be good stuff. [It can] bring people together.”

You can see that, with every glass they drink, Alberti’s subjects look a little happier, a little friendlier, and, yes, definitely drunker. Alberti explains that most of the people he shot weren’t used to being in front of the camera, so they’re visibly much more comfortable by the last photo. Although he tells us that one woman, a model, “asked me to put her in the fridge to take a picture of her, but it didn’t work.” The inventive mind of a slightly buzzed person is truly a thing of wonder.

Wine Photo1 Wine Photo 2 Wine Photo 3

Click through to view a selection of Alberti’s photos —

Refinery 29: Drinking Wine Portraits Marcos Alberti

What is dievca’s take home from all this?
she thinks everyone looks best after 2 glasses…
she will be stopping after 2…


“manners maketh man”

manners quote_hathawayGOOD manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse.

Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy is the best bred in the company.

Pride, ill nature, and want of sense, are the three great sources of ill manners; without some one of these defects, no man will behave himself ill for want of experience; or of what, in the language of fools, is called knowing the world.

I defy any one to assign an incident wherein reason will not direct us what we are to say or do in company, if we are not misled by pride or ill nature.

So that the difference between good breeding and good manners lies in this, that the former cannot be attained to by the best understandings, without study and labour; whereas a tolerable degree of reason will instruct us in every part of good manners, without other assistance.

English Essays: Sidney to Macaulay.
The Harvard Classics.  1909–14.
A Treatise on Good Manners and Good Breeding
Jonathan Swift

dievca has been thinking about good manners lately.  she deals with different people from many walks of life and has learned that Good Manners are not driven by income, education or Faith.

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.
~Emily Post

What are they driven by?

“I don’t care at all about all your rules if they don’t have any kindness behind them.”
~Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

dievca has a theory that they are taught by parents, a cherished family member or close friend early, then developed by usage and awareness.

You have to be aware and conscious to truly have good manners.

dievca likes to think she has good manners, but…

dievca has a friend where Manners and Etiquette are so ingrained in him that it is a beautiful masterpiece to watch him open a door for a Lady. Seamless. Elegant.
He is so aware and has a 6th sense of timing.

Master is good, but He cannot hold a candle to dievca’s friend….it takes constant awareness.

Are you aware?

Opening a Car Door