Better for survivors or better for the person dying?

deivca is pondering a question this morning… please let her explain the scenario, 1st:

Inline & Roller Skating - Amazon_comA work friend died yesterday. she was a few years older than dievca. The friend worked at a different location, so dievca didn’t see her all the time.  dievca did see the friend in the summer and she looked a bit tired and thin, but her friend was thin to begin with. The friend was moving well and rollerblading consistently to work.

In September the friend asked dievca for a favor and it was to be turned back over in November. Not anymore.

No one knew the friend was sick, she just died.

It was cancer.

The workplace is reeling because this person was kind, happy, and caring. Lovely to everyone.

No one knows what happened.  Was it diagnosed Stage 4? did she decide to pass on chemo? was it so aggressive there was no time? had she been battling it for a while and told no one but her family?

Back to dievca’s pondering…

Is it better to let people know about your illness or say nothing?

A quick death might be better for the terminally ill person, but doesn’t allow people to say Good-Bye.
(You don’t have to explain your condition, your treatment plans, deal with everyone feeling sorry for you, etc.)

A longer process allows people to connect with the terminally ill person but extends their trauma.
(People will keep asking what is going on, what the treatment plan is, ask how you are feeling, maybe offer pity, etc.)

OK, multiple questions. Tough questions.

No matter what the answers, it does bring to mind the phrase, “My Body – My Choice.”


Doesn’t matter where it came from, it applies~

May the sun bring you new energy by day,

May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worries,

May the breeze blow new strength into your being,

May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.


A close friend was diagnosed with Cancer, they began treatment this week. No form of cancer is easy to deal with but the timeline for this type is …. dismal.

Add that everyone has moved on from the Faith they grew up with and dievca did not replace hers with their new Faith, she doesn’t do their religious platitudes well.

But, I love you is good.

And, perhaps, the piece above … (or is that a platitude and trite?)

Sigh.

The piece above was written for the 1947 Western novel Blood Brother by Elliott Arnold. The fictional blessing entered popular consciousness when it made its way into the 1950 film adaptation of the novel Broken Arrow, scripted by Albert Maltz.

People think it is an Apache Blessing.

Fictional or not, the words convey positive wishes.

In the end, all you can do is pray to whatever deity you chose, send your strength through the ether, be there for any research/communication/cheerleading/venting that is needed and show up, be present and donate whatever is needed when called upon.

Currently, dievca is using Joy and Happiness through stories and memories to try to lessen the pain as well as remind that Life has components that are worthy of effort. Not sure it is working, but its all she can think to do right now.

dievca is taking suggestions~