For us in the Northern Hemisphere, the December solstice marks the longest nights and shortest days of the year. Meanwhile, the Southern Hemisphere is having short nights and long days. The first day of winter in the Northern Hemisphere is marked by the Winter Solstice, which occurs today – Monday, December 21, 2020, at 5:02 A.M. EST.
Because Earth doesn’t orbit upright but is instead tilted on its axis by 23 1/2 degrees, the Earth’s Northern and Southern Hemispheres trade places in receiving the sun’s light and warmth most directly. The tilt of the Earth – not our distance from the sun – is what causes winter and summer. At the December solstice, the Northern Hemisphere is leaning most away from the sun for the year.
Being the shortest day means the solstice is also the longest night of the year, and one of the original traditions was rooted in candlelight—both for the needed light, and to celebrate the return of the sun in the coming months.
To celebrate, use a tabletop and cover it in unlit candles either in a circle or a varied pattern. Place a candle that symbolizes the sun (ideally in yellow or gold) in the center and taller than the rest of the candles. Light the sun candle first, and then the rest of the candles. You can recite a ritual while doing it, too.
(Or just have your coffee at 5:02 am EST – sounds like a ritual to dievca!)
Photos: dievca's 2020 Candles and Coffee for the Solstice
Amazingly intense, remarkably sensual, as soothing as a massage or as shocking as a solid impact play strike, wax play can be all of this and more. But anything involving an open flame offers some risks. And it can be messy.
Kinky fun with a lit candle!
Safety should always be first and foremost in your mind when doing anything BDSM-oriented.
A lit candle in your play space – whether it’s decorative or for play – involves care. All it takes is a careless backhand and that candle could tumble to the floor and create chaos – possibly even setting the room on fire.
Have a fire extinguisher handy.
Make sure your space is clean and uncluttered. No silk scarves, decorative tassels and flying bras wandering around… just a table, a lighter, your candle and a willing body.
Remember, if you have any doubts or confusion, don’t do it.
There is only one kind of candle that should be used for wax play.
The candles come under a variety of names but, most commonly, they are called safety candles. You can find them anywhere from pharmacies to hardware stores. They are simple, basic – dull. They have a low melting point and that is why they are the ONLY choice for this type of kinky play.
Other kinds of candles aren’t just wax. They have additives that aren’t designed for wax play, so they can be exceptionally hot and cause serious burns. No votive candles, no religious candles, no large ones, and never beeswax. Beeswax, in particular, burns very hot.
Safety candles are quite soft. Sometimes just rubbing one between your fingers will cause it to melt. The softer the candle, the lower it’s melting point. This is what makes them great for wax play – when the wax lands on someone, it won’t be dangerously hot and it will cool down relatively quickly.
Nowadays, you can buy candles designed for wax play (click above). Just always try out the candle on your own skin before using it on someone else.
Try Your Candle on Your Own Skin, but…
Test your candle on the palm of your hand or thigh. Keep in mind that everyone’s pain threshold can be wildly different. You might think it’s fine, yet it could still be too much for your partner. Communicate and if the person you are dropping hot wax on says its “too much”, listen and react accordingly.
Prepare the Skin
Something to consider – hair.
One of the unique things about hot wax is that it can, with training, experience, and skill, be put almost anywhere. Remember that when you put wax on hair, it cools and when you try to remove it, the hair tends to come off with the wax.
Hair removal might be in order. Even with clean skin, it’s always a good idea to apply a thin coat of non-scented oil. Non-scented because you don’t want to add an allergic reaction to the mix. Baby oil or coconut oil might be good options.
The distance of the Candle from the Skin
We have a safe place, a fire extinguisher at the ready, the safety candle and a person, all set and shaved and/or lubricated. Let’s get to waxing!
The distance from the flame to a person’s skin is crucial. Hold the candle a little lower than a foot from your partner’s skin, any closer and you risk the wax being too hot when it lands, any farther and it can splash.
Hold the candle parallel to your partner. If you tip the candle too far back, so the flame is above your hand, the wax is just going to hit you and not them. Holding it directly down could cause the wax itself to actually burn.
Move slowly and carefully over a small area, taking time to go over areas where you have already laid down some drops. Wax play is the most intense when it first lands but as the wax cools, the sensation becomes less intense – and as the wax builds up it gives a sensual feeling of warmth.
If your bottom reacts negatively– – along the lines of “Get this shit off me!” – don’t apply water. Rub your hand along where the wax has been dribbled. This will spread the hot wax and cool it down quickly.
Where to Wax?
The human body has all kinds of great places for wax play. The back is great, as are breasts and nipples. It can be dribbled on an ass – especially before, during, or after some impact play. It can even be used on cock and balls: be extra careful with that territory. Breasts (person lying down) can be extra fun as you can create a mold of the person’s nipple in the wax. Thighs are also good – shaving is probably a good idea.
Slowly and sensually, you’ve laid down a growing area of wax. Your bottom is feeling the warmth, the lovely intensity – but then it’s time for them to come back to reality…
Cleaning Up After Wax Play
The messy part.
Because of this, many kinky play spaces do not allow wax play. If you aren’t playing at home, be sure to ask whoever is in charge of the space if it’s allowed.
At home, an old sheet is a great thing to have under the person you are waxing. When the scene is done, you can just gently brush off the wax and have them carefully stand up. Then roll up the sheet and throw it away.
Even with precautions, wax can end up in all kinds of places. Be careful if you have a rug or carpeting, getting wax out of either can be a real nightmare. Doing wax play on a space with a wood floor can be a benefit. Just be sure to have some pillows around in case your bottom needs to sit down or gets dizzy.
That concludes a hot time with wax! Remember that you are dealing with an open flame and if you have any concerns — light the candle of knowledge (research more) before playing with wax.
A "Thank You" to Kinkly.com.