A submissive re-evaluation

elegant submissiveMaster is traveling and dievca has had some open time to review her Life and changes in the past 2 years. Between COVID, deaths, aging – Master and dievca’s relationship has changed. And as body changes, social changes and family changes have eased – she’s wondering what will return or diminish.

dievca is starting her reflection process by defining the type of Relationship Master and dievca had at the beginning. Then she plans to review where she thinks they are now. Finally, she will communicate her analysis to Master and listen to His thoughts and wants for the future.

9 Types of submissives:

  • The outright non-submissive masochist or kinky sensualist
    Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up of control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist’s own terms for the masochist’s own pleasure (ie: being turned on solely or mainly by one’s own bodily sensations, rather than being turned on by being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism).
  • Pseudo-submissive non-slave
    Not into even playing “slave”, but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g.: schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.
  • Pseudo-submissive PLAY slave
    Likes to play at being slave. Likes to *feel* subservient; may in some cases like to *feel* that one is being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism; and may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).
  • True submissive non-slave
    Really gives up control (though only temporarily and within agreed upon limits), but gets his/her main satisfaction from aspects of submission *other than* serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up of responsibility. Doesn’t dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seeks mainly her/his own *direct* pleasure (rather than getting one’s pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).
  • True submissive PLAY slave
    Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets his/her main satisfaction from serving and being used by the dominant – but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. (May or may not be into pain, but if so, is turned on by pain *indirectly*, ie: enjoys being the objects of one’s partner’s sadism, on which the submissive places few requirements or restrictions.)
  • Uncommitted short-term but more-than-play semi-slave
    Really gives up control (though usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non-erotic as well as fun/ erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have a long-term relationship with one’s Mistress/Master, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when he or she will serve.
  • Part-time consensual but REAL slave
    Has ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship, and regards oneself as the Mistress’/Master’s “property” at all times. Wants to obey and please her/him in all aspects of life – practical/non-erotic as well as fun/erotic. Devotes most of one’s time to other commitments (eg: job) but the Mistress/Master has first pick of the slave’s free time.
  • Full-time live-in consensual slave
    Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/ himself as existing solely for the Mistress’/Master’s use, pleasure and well- being. The slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave’s position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially if the slave is male (since men certainly aren’t socially pressured into this kind of lifestyle). Within the S/M world, a full-time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
  • Consensual total slave with no limits
    A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn’t exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn’t fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren’t really a slave unless you’re willing to do absolutely *anything* for your Mistress/ Master, with no limits at all. There are a few who claim to be no-limits slaves, but in all cases it would be reasonable to doubt the claim.

© 1984, 1988 by Mistress Diane Vera as reprinted in
Pat Califia, ed. The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual (Boston: Lace / Alyson) pp. 69-71
A Thank You to SluttyGirlProblem – Victoria Sparrow and Officer Wes for the information that made dievca start to think.
www.officerwes.com © 1997-2021 by Officer Wes

you get what you give — sometimes

giving-heartDid you ever have someone change the ballgame on you?
And they didn’t tell you the new rules?

You continued to give 100%, all in, according to the past plan which brought you joy and happiness, then whamo! it is no longer is accepted or shared by that friend.

The value of your giving drops.
In fact, the giving has become a detriment.

That’s fine, if you set new boundaries, new values and you know that other areas of the friendship will need to become stronger for the link to survive.

But, the boundaries keep changing, flip-flopping, without communication.
You cannot keep up, you don’t know the rules, you are not getting anything new back.
More and more keeps getting taken away.
And you have to ask, almost beg, for what little you do get.

Soon you are adrift without a raft.
Thank God you swim well and you have others to swim to~

When you get back to shore, do you stay connected?
When you have seen that your giving is accepted and treasured by others.
You do have value.

The uniqueness of the original relationship seems to be gone.
You are still amazed that someone would throw something so beautiful away.
You stare at it with hope, praying it will keep in stasis for the future.
You know better – because it takes two for that to happen and one party can’t be bothered.

The joke is they keep stating that they still want you in their Life.
But their treatment of you runs contrary to their words.
The basics you expect, they can’t even reach and your problem is you can’t stop giving.
It’s not who you are~

I love your thoughts, I hate your actions.

I gave all I had to give.

I gave myself.

I guess that sometimes you don’t get what you give,
and that is Life.

(Dropping two friends in one year. Not good, dievca, not good.)

In honor of David Bowie and the ‘sometimes’ pain of CHANGES.

David Bowie, unknowingly, got me through the awkwardness of High School. I could listen, dream and grow without worrying what he thought of me. He was strange and strong.  I realized I could be strange and strong. I call upon him, again, as I consider making changes in my Life.



You stated there had to be change.
My Life is so fluid and dynamic, daily, I just looked at you in confusion.
I live and breathe change.
So make the changes.
No stranger to constant frenetic activity, I can stop and start on a dime.

Child-like, I thought if things were going to change between two logical people — the changes would be for the better and require all parties to give up something. 

So I stepped right up, in good faith, without missing a beat and found myself given less time, less attention, less quality experiences, less respect, less manners, less sharing, just less….but I kept giving of myself, then even more when I saw it was needed.

Finally, I asked, what did I get from these changes?
I seem to be left standing with almost nothing.
If I ask you, can you tell me what I gained?
There was something of value, in the past.
But it seems to have disappeared with the changes~

You know what? I really need to think on this…..

As David Bowie’s “Changes” plays in my head:

Oh, yeah
Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for
And my time was runnin’ wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse of
How the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test
Turn and face the strange
Don’t want to be a richer man
Turn and face the strange
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Mmm, yeah I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through
Turn and face the strange
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Turn and face the strange
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinatin’
Ah, changes are takin’
The pace I’m goin’ through
Turn and face the strange
Oh, look out you rock ‘n’ rollers
Turn and face the strange
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time


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