Found car – will drive (Walt Whitman)


POEM of the ROAD – Walt Whitman (excerpt)

To take to your use out of the compact cities as
you pass through!
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward
wherever you go!
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as
you encounter them! to gather the love out
of their hearts!
To take your own lovers on the road with
you, for all that you leave them behind
you!
To know the universe itself as a road—as many
roads—as roads for traveling souls!

The soul travels,
The body does not travel as much as the soul,
The body has just as great a work as the soul,
and parts away at last for the journeys of the
soul.

All parts away for the progress of souls,
All religion, all solid things, arts, governments —
all that was or is apparent upon this globe or
any globe, falls into niches and corners before
the processions of souls along the grand roads
of the universe,
Of the progress of the souls of men and women
along the grand roads of the universe, all
other progress is the needed emblem and
sustenance.

Full poem HERE

New Yorker Cartoon

dievca found a rental car and is making her way to her Mom. If there’s no hotel – sleeping in the car will do. Food is packed for along the way. Always an interesting first 30 miles when she hasn’t driven in a while – but it will be dievca and the trucks most of the way. Wish her “good luck”! XO


My hands look like his…a story that ends well in death

My Dad died.
I could hear the death rattle while video chatting with my Mother – trying to think of every humorous or lovely moment with Dad and other family members to distract her. Dad was gasping for air. 99% sure it wasn’t COVID-19, the Speech Therapist said that as Dad lost swallowing capabilities – food/water would go down the wrong pipe, and pneumonia would set in. It did. Hospice wouldn’t come unless Dad was tested…Dad wasn’t going anywhere to get tested.

It didn’t end ugly.
I can Thank our amazing careworkers, morphine, my brother, and the great-grandkids for that. I wouldn’t have called the kids in time to say, ‘good-bye’ – they are all under 7 years old – Dad was such a mess I thought it would terrify their dreams. My brother called and they all trooped over (6+ of them) to see Dad with little masks and gloves.

Dad rallied.
He passed out Tootsie Pops.
Turned over and died in the chaos with Mom on his shoulder and holding hands with the chain of kids.

That thought sustains me more than the painful video call earlier. Dad would do anything for a kid. Kill himself for a kid. Works for me. Thank Goodness my brother called in the troops. A better way to go.

So, will the kids have bad dreams? I don’t know.
I just know that as I look at my hands which are the same shape as my Dad’s,
I am really craving a red Tootsie Pop.

Painting by Mick McGinty


An odd post…..

The WSJ: Saint Patrick’s Cathedral NYC

dievca hasn’t gone to Mass in a long while. she’s no longer a practicing Catholic. The drift happened many years ago and started with an unwelcoming Diocese and misuse of funds from a family Parish.

Oddly, Saint Patrick’s Cathedral in NYC is welcoming enough to allow anyone to offer up a Mass. One does not need to be a Parishioner of the Church. A Mass card can be sent as an acknowledgment of passing by anyone of any Religion or Church. A chance to have a devout group add their prayers to dievca’s more secular wishes.

It’s pretty much the first time since dievca’s Theology courses in College, the Catholic Church has shown her a form of tolerance and inclusiveness. Granted a donation is involved – but whatever works.

The Gentleman at the Parish House now knows dievca’s face and name, she’s been in 11 times this year. Family members, friends, friend’s family members have passed and dievca had a Mass said and sent a Saint Patrick’s Cathedral Mass Card.

What to Say When Someone Dies

  • When in doubt, reach out
  • Show up in person
  • Send a Sympathy Card
  • Consider sending a gift
  • Anticipate their needs
  • Don’t try to “fix” their grief
  • Don’t avoid saying the deceased person’s name
  • Keep checking in
  • Don’t worry about getting it 100% right

(click here for more information)


Learning about Life via Death

dievca was one of the few people at her Aunt’s funeral a couple of years ago.
Eleanor Rigby kept playing in her head.

Yesterday, dievca’s friend had a Memorial and Service to inter her ashes.

It was lovely. Friends of all ages and different phases came to celebrate. Siblings gave the realistic view of their sister with humor. dievca wore bright colors and listened with a smile. Her friend had set aside money for a buffet meal at a cafe across the street with an open bar. Great venue, good wine.

She was loved, is loved and will be remembered with love.

Why? What’s the difference between dievca’s aunt and dievca’s friend?

Her friend was open to new ideas, willing to try new things and try-on new viewpoints. She was able to accept change. She accepted people for who they are, not who she wanted them to be. She didn’t pass judgment. She stood up for what she felt was right and that would include the thought that all people should be treated fairly and equally. She gave in simple ways – nothing grandiose – an ear to listen, advice if asked, expertise if needed and company with silence, her time. Things that people truly need or want.

What dievca has learned:

Be yourself. Work to keep old friends and work to gain new friends. Enjoy life and share your Joy and knowledge. Mentor. Accept idiosyncracies and people/situations that make you step out and grow. Don’t stop moving. Life is to be experienced. not watched.


Sun shining through the Rain = Life and Death

Life is about Ups and Downs.
You need the rain to appreciate the sunshine – etc., etc., etc.

It’s been a weird year for me:

  • College Best Friend passed away
  • College Roommate passed away.
  • Close friend passed away (85), last night
  • Parents getting stronger with help.
  • My body is apparently quite healthy.

It was interesting finding the 85-year-old friend, last evening. She passed away on her bed – having a lie-down. She looked very Zen. 
She was having some unidentified health challenges.

FDNY, NYPD, a Detective, the ME, the morgue all trooped through the small apartment.  All polite, kind and working to the best of their abilities. NYPD had to seal the apartment because there wasn’t a spouse or roommate. The apartment will be opened up after the courts allow it…..paperwork.

Here I thought it would be my Parents to move on — with all their challenges. Instead, it was a lovely elderly friend who lived her Life on her own terms.

I’m sad, yet happy she moved on in a peaceful way. 
The rain with the sun shining through.


Simple Coffee

Master told me that I would be exhausted when I got back.
He’s right.
Watching someone you love, pass away, is a privilege.
But it does run you through the gamut.

I just want coffee before heading to work.
A Simple Coffee.


And she was~

Floating Girl by Jonathan Robrecht

A most beautiful friend died yesterday.
I got to see her, say “I love you” and hold her hand before she moved on.
I’m hoping that she was able to float out on the next plane, blissing out, losing her pain.

“I used to know a blissed-out hippie-chick in Baltimore,” recalled Byrne in the liner notes of Once in a Lifetime: The Best of Talking Heads. “She once told me that she used to do acid (the drug, not music) and lay down on the field by the Yoo-hoo chocolate soda factory. Flying out of her body, etc etc. It seemed like such a tacky kind of transcendence… but it was real! A new kind of religion being born out of heaps of rusted cars and fast food joints. And this girl was flying above it all, but in it too.”

Then as I thought about it more — I think that my friend would prefer to leave you with this:

Me? I’m firmly on the ground.


If I had been able to~

One of my children would have been 19. I wanted a hockey team. 6

My brothers played Junior and College Hockey. Their kids played College Hockey.

Odds are if I had been able to carry, mine would have been on a Team bus.

But, I/we didn’t make it to one. That was a long time ago~

I ask myself: is it better to never get started? Or to never see it finish after having 20 years of Joy?

Both stink.

And I cry, again, not for my ancient history but for the Children and Families of the Humboldt Broncos.

Sending a prayer.


Death, Dealing and a Sense of Humor

Asleep sculpture

ArtistPeter Schipperheyn, born Melbourne Australia 1955-  Title:  “Asleep”  carved 1987  Dimensions: 460 mm in height by 2020 mm in length by 800 mm in depth [life-size figure].  Medium:Carrara Statuario Marble .  Present locationMt Macedon Cemetery, Mt Macedon. Victoria.

“You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ’em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.”
― Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird

Warning:  The activities and responses are taken from a lapsed Catholic’s viewpoint. If you are easily offended by a humorous look at the human response towards death, customs and the Catholic Faith – bypass this post.

Three deaths so far since August, two had funerals which dievca hustled to attend. Both Catholic, one a close Family member, the other the Father of a Friend. One in PA, the other in NY.

A little background history: dievca was raised Catholic.  Attended a Catholic Grade School and College. Her Baptism, Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation, and Marriage all took place in the same Church. she appreciated the 20 minute Mass offered in college at one of the Sports Dorms. she doesn’t really take part in the Faith, anymore. Though Master says her Catholic still shows.

dievca is a bit disillusioned by many organized Religions, especially the orthodox versions – they are not for her. But whatever you want or need, its good for you – just don’t come asking for money.

Two years ago: dievca had lovely Aunt pass away. One of two sisters on her Dad’s side.  Her Aunt (the sister) sat next to dievca during the Mass and said, “Doesn’t the navy blue casket look great and the flowers, too?” Okay~  dievca was more distracted by the Priest couldn’t be bothered to show up to give her dying Aunt her Last Rites when requested, he did not remember her Aunt’s name, never bothered to find out about her Aunt in any way — after said Aunt donated $5000 per year to that Church for multiple years and had volunteered in the school’s cafeteria after retiring. dievca’s Aunt had made the greatest of efforts to make it to Mass weekly. People made their quiet way to attend to her Funeral.

Garnet Hill Starlet Dress, Zadig & Voltaire Scarf

Not feeling groovy about that Catholic Church (PA) in particular.

August: dievca’s last Aunt (the sister) passed away..  This Aunt, well, let’s just say she was a challenge. ALWAYS.  That said, she was very specific what she wanted for her Funeral. Same church, different funeral home, different cemetery.  Mauve Casket, full-out pink Flowers, full choir – she set aside an extra $5k for a second viewing.

This is the Aunt who had sat on the sofa for 30 years, never venturing past a 4 block area. She was the expert on everything because she watched TV and read the newspaper. She never went to Mass, never volunteered, never donated money – so dievca didn’t expect the Church to know of her existence. They didn’t know her and they did ask a guest Priest to say the funeral Mass – he did his best and it was a much better Mass with less material than dievca’s other Aunt’s funeral.  Five people attended.  Eleanor Rigby kept playing in dievca’s head.

During that trip to PA, dievca made a point to visit, clean up and lay flowers for both sides of the Family gravesites. One of her cousins from her Mother’s side went with her.

Why did dievca clean up the gravesites? Good Question.

Actually, while cleaning – she had a chat with each Family Member.
No….they didn’t answer.

she visited the graves because people pay a lot money for a funeral, burial plot, grave marker to be remembered. dievca felt like she should take a moment on honor their last efforts to be on this Earth.

Please buy a wooden urn for dievca and toss the whole thing, unopened, into Lake Michigan. No blow back of ashes or bone that way.

Y Studio Dress, Faliero Sarti Scarf

J. Mendel Leather Coat

A/W 1999 Martin Margiela black leather shoes with socks (spats)

The latest funeral was for a good friend’s Father. He had passed away after dealing with Alzheimer’s and Cancer. There was a sigh of relief in the Family.

dievca went to support her Friend and her Mother.The Funeral Mass was at the Church where her friend went to Grade School, Communion, Reconciliation, Confirmation. She never married.

This Church was where dievca’s Friend did everything growing up. The NY version of dievca’s Midwest Catholic Church. Very 1960/70’s stain-glass windows and design. Jesus was NOT on a cross – he was done in marble, looking like a Greek sculpture on the wall with a 6 pack stomach, welcoming ALL with open arms.

Irish and Chinese attendees. Interesting mix.

dievca’s friend is of Chinese descent.
dievca loves going to Chinatown with her friend’s 86-year-old Mom.
She runs circles around dievca and her friend.
She wore heels at the funeral!

dievca took care of the Mother’s coat/scarf, toilet run, huge hugs. Her friend is awkward with that stuff, so dievca stepped in. dievca’s Mom was/is high maintenance so it’s a habit and not a problem, plus her friend is generous, she doesn’t mind sharing her Mum. She finds it a relief.

Full Mass. Elderly Priest.
He worked hard to find out about the deceased and the family – unlike the priest who said Mass for dievca’s Aunt.
Noticeable.

dievca’s friend was nervous about her Reading, she asked if she bows to the altar or not.
dievca said, “You know, I really don’t think God or your Dad is going to mind what you do, nor your Mother…” Then there was a mix-up with who was reading what…it worked out fine.

An Altar Boy (Chinese) and an Altar Girl (Hispanic), both from the attached Catholic school and were entertaining to watch. The boy kept staring at my friend and her brother when the priest said they went to the Catholic school and that both are in the military.
The girl was yawning during the readings, then she couldn’t find the Eucharistic Bread and Wine – no one had brought the gifts up to the Altar. The Priest had to go looking for it during the Ave Maria (excellent vocalist).

The trappings of the Mass are a show.
The prayers and meditation of people who take comfort is real.
The kids, with their mess-ups, are truth.

Spanx Full Body Shaper

After the Mass, dievca got her friend’s Mom to the bathroom, helped with her coat/scarf and then sent-off to the graveside. dievca needed to get back to the City and was finally able to get to the bathroom for herself, desperate from the morning coffee and wearing a full Spanx undergarment.

As she exited the bathroom, the Priest was giving the two Altar Persons “hell” – it made her laugh.

There may be death, but Life goes on.


Catholic Guilt

Mafia Funeral

Bruce Gilden – Mafia Funeral

dievca had a family member pass away a couple of months ago.  The family member lived close to their sibling (2 doors down), but they never really got along.  A strange and uncomfortable situation for most of dievca’s life, but there was still a symbiotic relationship between the siblings. They leaned on each other as they got older, to get through – but never happily.

At the funeral, a Catholic Mass, dievca sat close to her living Aunt holding her hand and just being there.  They commented on the color of the casket (navy), the beauty of the flowers, how nice it was to have a live choir and they followed the Mass (stand up, sit down).

DolceGabbanaSS2011StevenKlein

Dolce Gabbana SS2011 StevenKlein

When it came time for Communion, dievca stood up to aid her Aunt to the altar — her Aunt shoved dievca past with a comment “I can’t go to communion, I haven’t been to confession.”

And dievca has gone to confession?

dievca received Reconciliation in 4th Grade at Catholic School.  Reconciliation took over for Confession when she was a child. In case you need a short description:

Confession: Behind drapes in a confessional, you do not see the priest as you confess your sins.
Reconciliation: Telling your sins Face to Face with a priest.

dievca hasn’t gone to reconciliation since she was 10 years old.  Do you know how many sins you can commit in the Catholic Faith in 35+ years?  If God was going to strike dievca down, he has had the chance on multiple occasions.
But, after her Aunt’s comment, dievca felt guilty.

Catholic Guilt.

Typical.

Same stuff, different year.

No logic.

Church Sign...

(If dievca offended anyone…she is sorry. This is her own personal relationship with growing up Catholic – the good and the bad. she finds her behavior and the behavior of others to be ridiculous sometimes, especially in regards towards Religion. But, dievca would be pleased to know and happy for you if you find peace within your own Religion.)

 


In Demand….

dievca always loved this song for a few reasons,
it reminds her of Master,
their differences and their relationship balance (lyrics below)
and it features Alan Rickman.

Alan Rickman

“I have a million ideas,
but, they all point to certain death.”

~Alan Rickman as Marvin, the Paranoid Android

One of dievca’s favorite Actors has passed on today from Cancer.
Sexy voice, sexy confidence, Sexy Tango
Alan Rickman was “In Demand”
A favorite video from a favorite Scottish Band.
Someone dievca always wanted to meet,
so she could close her eyes and let his voice wash over her.

Sigh~
What a start to the year.
Make sure you are connecting with ALL your friends and family.

Lyrics

When we were together I was blown away
Just like paper from a fan
But you would act like I was just a kid
Like we were never gonna’ last

But now I’ve got someone who cares for me
(Yeah)
Wrote my name in silver sands
I think you know you’ve lost the love of your life
(You said)
I was the best you’ve ever had

Because I’m in demand
(Hey)

You’re thinking of the way you should’ve of held my
(Hand)
And all the times you’d say you didn’t understand
You never had our love written in your
(Plans)

But now I’m in demand

I never think you saw the best of me
There’s a side you’ll never know
‘Cause love and loving are two different things
Set your sights far too low

But now I’ve got someone who cares for me
(Yeah)
He wrote my name in silver sands
I think you know you’ve lost the love of your life
(You said)
I was the best you’ve ever had

Because I’m in demand
(Hey)

You’re thinking of the way you should’ve held my
(Hand)
And all the times you’d say you didn’t undersatand
You never had our love written in your plans

But now I’m in demand

You’re thinking of the way you’ve should’ve of held my
(Hand)
And all the times you’d say you didn’t understand
You never had our love written in your
(Plans)

But now I’m in demand

It’s only when I fall asleep
I see that winning smile
When my dreams just move along
You’ve lost the race by miles

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Stay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Because I’m in demand
You’re thinking of the way you should’ve of held my
(Hand)
And all the times you’d say you didn’t understand
You never had our love in your
(Plans)

But now I’m in demand
(Yeah)
You know I’m in demand
(Say you’re in demand)
You know I’m in demand
(Yeah)

Always in demand
(Yeah)

Never had our love written in your plans
You know I’m in demand


Feeling Virtuous? Which Saint are you?

All Saints Day, the day on which Catholics celebrate all the saints, known and unknown, is a surprisingly old feast. It arose out of the Christian tradition of celebrating the martyrdom of saints on the anniversary of their martyrdom. When martyrdom increased during the persecutions of the late Roman Empire, local dioceses instituted a common feast day to make sure that all martyrs, known and unknown, were properly honored.
Caroline Walter of Freiburg, Germany

There are thousands of canonized saints, those individuals officially recognized by the Church as holy men and women worthy of imitation. Because miracles have been associated with these people, and their lives have been fully examined and found holy by the Church to be prime examples of holiness, and powerful intercessors before God. There are also many patron saints, guardians or protectors of different areas and states of life. For instance, St. Vitus is the patron saint against oversleeping, and St. Joseph of Cupertino is the patron saint of air travelers. It may sound crazy to have a patron saint against oversleeping, but keep in mind the Church has something meaningful for every area of our human lives. All of these saints are celebrated throughout the year and many have their own feast days.

(Sources: catholicism.about.com and churchyear.net)

Who Should Be Your Patron Saint? BuzzFeed

Which Saint Are You? Quiz Social

Apparently, dievca is Saint Gemma and Saint Patrick….

“Voices….I hear Voices~”

♥MUSIC VIDEO:  Voices – Rus Ballard

Russell Glyn “Russ” Ballard is an English singer, songwriter and musician. Born October 31, 1945

Robert Ebert Reviews: The Third Miracle


Predestined: A dialog

hands

“Will you consider being the person who determines when it is time to pull the plug for me?”

“Sorry, I won’t be alive …When I was 8, a person read my palm and told me that I would die in my 30’s.”

“What?”

“When I was 8 years old, someone read my palm and told me that I would live a good successful life, but would die in my 30’s.”

“Who was this person? Your parent’s took you to a Palm Reader?”

“No, it was someone off the street who offered to read my palm and said my life line was very short.”

“Cripes, you’re 29 this year. Which crease is the life line?”

“I don’t know, let’s look it up.”

“Yeah, it splits. Was your hand even developed at 8? Were you chubby?”

“Doesn’t matter, time will tell.”

“Well, I still want you for the ‘pull the plug’ job.”

Information dievca sent to that person later in the day:

The Life Line

As shown on the illustration, the life line starts between the thumb and the forefinger and encircles the ball of the thumb towards the wrist.
This line, which deals with the way you apply your energy, is most often long and round, short, or diagonal.

The Life Line
The Life Line

If the line is continuous and round, without any break, you probably have a very harmonious physical life, and are happy to “go with the flow”.

If the line is rather short, it doesn’t mean you are going to die at a young age; it just means that there will be a time in your life when you will use your body in a different and less physical fashion than before, maybe because of a change in activity (from active to sedentary), the cessation of an occupation (retirement), or anything else that would change the use of the body.

If the line is more straight than curved, you may have a tendency to go against the current and to hold on to things instead of letting go.

If the line is really diagonal, finishing on the other side of the hand, life will be seen more as a struggle and the need for excitement may be a big part of your life.