Secure, Anxious, Avoidant = Attachment Styles. Where do you fall?

attachmentUniversity of Denver researchers Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver were the first to study how attachment styles may come into play with romantic relationships. They published their findings in 1987. The original theory was developed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby in the 20th century. Bowlby theorized that an infant’s access (and perceived) access to a parental figure results in how safe and protected they feel.

If you would like to determine your attachment style, please click here!

Secure
A secure attachment is an ideal in a healthy, supportive relationship, and the majority of adults fall in line with it. Hazan and Shaver’s research stated that  56% of participants identified as having secure attachments. A secure attachment means being able to accept and support partners even despite their faults and generally feeling happy and trusting of partners. If you have a secure attachment, you’re likely good at communicating—an important skill in a relationship and the bedroom. Compared to other styles, secure attachments are more likely to have longer-term relationships.

Anxious
Of the three attachment styles, anxious types are most likely to fall in love at first sight. According to Hazan and Shaver’s research, 19% of people identify as having this kind of attachment, which is prone to obsessive feelings and a need for reciprocation and higher rates than other styles. They are, however, more likely to be accepting of a partner’s faults than others—which can sometimes come at a cost. When it comes to intimacy, this type is a natural giver, but they can benefit from receiving too—they’re perfectly worthy, after all.

Avoidant
If you describe your love life as “an emotional rollercoaster,” you may be an avoidant attachment person. A quarter of participants in Hazan and Shaver’s research identified this type, which is characterized by having a fear of intimacy, and “emotional highs and lows.” That doesn’t mean that this type doesn’t feel attraction —they rate the same as secure types in this regard, according to Hazan and Shaver. They’re also likely to feel jealousy, though maybe not as intensely as those with anxious attachment styles. Learning how to put their walls down—even just a little—can prove most beneficial for this type. A little vulnerability may lead to more security down the line.


Something for PRIDE

Master Slave Dom sub flagThe PRIDE flag is constantly evolving – from the original 1978 RAINBOW which lost two colors because they were hard to dye at the time. To various personal iterations showing sexual preference (Master/slave – Dominant/sub flag to the right). Currently, the 2018 PROGRESS PRIDE flag is making its appearance:

Gay Pride Flag

Split 59 Caster Gay Rights Sweatshirt

Splits59 Caster UNISEX PRIDE Sweatshirt $148 with 20% donated to the LA LGBT Center – click photo for link

This year’s PRIDE FLAG may include intersex people…its hard to keep up!

Pride Intersex inclusion


“One house, One voice, One heart”

Jeanine Payer Viv BraceletJeanine Payer 18K Gold and Sterling Silver “Viv” Bracelet

Quote:

“One house

One voice

One heart”

A quote that could apply to a slave and their Master/Madame

It is actually the title to a book:

One house, one voice, one heart : native American education at the Santa Fe Indian School.

“The Santa Fe Indian School (SFIS) is a secondary school (middle and high school) in Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States. It was founded in 1890 as a boarding school for Native American children from the state’s Indian pueblos. But in the course of its history, the school has also served as a major cultural catalyst for the Native American community throughout the United States. Beginning as a boarding school for students, the school expanded its offerings in the 1920s and 1930s.”–Wikipedia. July 31, 2013.
Jeanine Payer closed her business after 25 years on January 1st, 2014.
Finding a piece of her jewelry is a lucky moment. 
Do you feel lucky?

Use it or lose it~


dievca arrived home and has a multitude of small tasks to do: there are groceries all over the kitchen countertop that need to get into the pantry, coats with mold from her Mom’s basement that need to be washed as soon as possible, Christmas decorations to be put away, a COVID test, check-in with work, etc.

We have all been in this headspace before~

Then dievca received a lovely e-mail from Master checking-in and letting her know where His head is for D/s.

As she read the e-mail, it was a reach to flow into the same mind space. she couldn’t do it.

dievca’s mind was still on her Mother – one of the Caregivers can’t get back into the country on time because she tested positive for COVID, her brother wants her to research and buy a kitchen faucet for her mom. Scheduling is a mess for work.

Again, we have all been in this headspace previously~
But Master’s email closed with something that clicked in dievca’s very full brain:

“I’ve missed you. And hope that you masturbate at least once in the
next few days, thinking about…Your Master.”

dievca caught on to that like a lifeline — she can do that, she can masturbate on Wednesday morning before the COVID test. She can masturbate thinking about Master. The anticipation is trickling in at odd moments – causing her to think a little bit about sex and D/s.

They say if you don’t use it, you lose it.
That goes for many things, including sex.

Let’s see if that masturbation opens up to a Presentation Outfit and the ability to move into Master’s D/s headspace by Friday. dievca thinks it’s already working while writing this blog post.
she’s using it, she’s using it. XO


2021 BDSM Mindset in Coffee

A little coffee to shift your power.
Good Morning!


Foretaste


Causse Gantier – Glove Fetishism

Glove fetishism is a sexual fetishism where an individual is sexually stimulated by another person or oneself wearing gloves on their hands. In some cases, the fetish is enhanced by the material of the glove (e.g., leather, cotton, latex, nitrile, PVC, satin, or nylon).

Often, the actions of a gloved hand are as arousing as the glove itself, because the glove provides a second skin, or in other words a fetishistic surrogate for the wearer’s own skin. Medical gloves and rubber gloves provide not only a safer sex environment but also give a latex glove fetishist great pleasure. Subtle movements by the gloved fingers or the hand as a whole can provide the individual with a great visual stimulus and ultimately sexual arousal. The act of putting gloves on, or slipping them off the hands, can also be a source of glove fetish fantasy.

The smell is also a factor when it comes to latex, rubber, and leather gloves. This is also often an extension of hand fetishism.

Gloves are used for fisting and sounding. They are a big part of the superhero, leather, rubber, and cosplay scenes and are a staple accessory in any crime fetish. There is something immediately different when one is wearing gloves during sex. It almost makes one feel more naughty and kinky adding to the experience.

Most glove fetishists prefer tight and shiny gloves. It is a fetish that crosses gender and sexuality stereotypes needing no anchor to one or another.

It is also sometimes associated with strangling or rape fetishes.

Medical glove fetishism involves thin latex gloves, which come in many different types. Personal preference ranges from color, smell, size, textured, smooth, powdered, or un-powdered. Fetishists are proud of their collection of medical gloves, as well as rubber gloves. Household rubber gloves tend to be thicker, longer, and are mostly used for cleaning purposes.

There is a fetish called GOM which stands for ‘Glove Over Mouth’ where a gloved hand is placed firmly over one’s mouth and/or nose and is sometimes associated with breath control. This can be arousing to the giver and/or the receiver.

Some glove fetishists prefer certain lengths, for example, the long opera-style or short cuff length. Some also like them as a part of an outfit, such as a nurse, policewoman, or French maid uniform. Some who are of a sexually submissive nature are stimulated by their dominant partner’s wearing and use of gloves. Dominant partners may likewise prefer that their submissives wear gloves. As with all fetishes, however, there need not be a BDSM connection to an affinity for gloves.

Apart from their appearance, some individuals prefer to use them on themselves or others as a form of sexual stimulation. The ones most commonly used for this are made of leather, latex, (such as those doctors or nurses use for examination) nitrile, or shoulder-length thick black latex. Some prefer the household rubber glove. The appeal behind the household glove may be due to the colors they come in but also offering what the latex examination gloves cannot; household gloves are thicker, some more than others depending on what their use is. It’s also possible that people use these as they are commonly found in one’s home so are easily available.

Many enjoy erotic spanking with gloves donned. It offers a different feeling and sound to the “spankee”, which can be a large part of the fetish.

  • The gloves above are all Causse Gantier
  • Expensive but lovely
  • Made in France
A "Thank You" to Wikipedia

Qualities to look for in a partner (Vanilla or BDSM) – Good to Know

When looking for a partner we tend to look for brains, kindness, and attractiveness—the usual. But another quality might be just as important if you’re looking for a long-term, healthy relationship: “emotional fluency.”

Emotional fluency is the act of voicing your emotions with your partner.

This can be extended to roommates, family members, friends – especially in the close confines of COVID-19 quarantining.

In a recent interview with Science of Us, therapist Brian Gleason (and co-author, with his wife, of Exceptional Relationships: Transformation Through Embodied Couples Work) discusses the importance of voicing your emotions with your partner (which he dubs emotional fluency).

One of the biggest reasons couples have trouble is because they have not developed emotional fluency, he says.

“We’re just not trained to speak in emotional language,” says Gleason. Good news: He says it’s a skill we can improve. “The more [feelings] that we’re able to put into some sort of language and convey it to our partner—that these are my inner experiences right now—the more empathy there is in the relationship.”

What happens when you aren’t open about your emotions? Most people—when they’re stressed, angry, or sad—tend to withdraw and perhaps glue their eyes to their phone, shutting off from the rest of the world (including your partner), Gleason says. Sound familiar? (Guilty.)

“The less I can say, this is my inner experience, the more my partner is going to be reacting to [just] my outer behavior, oftentimes with judgment and frustration,” says Gleason.

By explaining your particular 4-1-1 du jour in a direct way,  you’re giving your partner what he or she needs in order to react with affirmations, advice, and other positive reinforcements.

In other words, as mom always said: Use your words! If you do, it can bring you closer together, instead of creating conflict, Gleason says.

Having an a-ha moment? The next time you’re stressed or angry, try to close Instagram and talk about it with your partner instead (could be easier said than done, but worth a try).

From a Well + Good article by Rachel Lapidos, click here.


Flipping Dom and sub

Sometimes you finish a big week and plan to just chill on the sofa or bed.

Then a few kisses occur, maybe a little cock worship and the next thing you know – your arms are restrained and your Sir/Madame has taken over your body.

Where does that rush of energy come from?  Is it the act of flipping Dom and sub? Or does the energy rush cause the D/s flip?   It’s the chicken and the egg scenario~  OK, so the literal answer is the egg, but you get the point.

It doesn’t matter how – what matters is the joy of being alive.

May you have the chance to flip this Saturday! XO


Well connected~


Elegant from any angle.
Ready, able, open –
yet locked down.
Patient for attention.
Patient for You.


the essence


Sometimes being a Dominant or submissive isn’t about the label –
it’s the act of being there when needed,
serving when needed.
In whatever manner is appropriate.


flipping to Dominant and submissive – always fascinating


Working 6 am to 10:30 am.
Hop on the bike and ride 3.8 mi uptown.
Sweating profusely in the heavy humidity.
About as far away from submissive one can get

Conversation and coffee – a shower.
Master’s collar
His dievca flips
in tandem


Taking a thought and creating Reality (NSFW)

Masturbation – Master, I am really quick off the trigger.
Fantasy – something to do with being restained over the side of the bed or futon. Banana vibrator playing on the outside of my pussy, hitting the clit, then you entering behind with a plug and possibly moving to my ass. Maybe my mouth is reachable for cock worship?  I’ll work on my description.

dievca’s fantasies had diminished. she’s sure there are many reasons for that to occur.
Catching a hint of fantasy while masturbating was worthy of mention to Master, even if it was a snippet.

Master is creative, He had enough to work with when He returned home.

Master set up restraints across the width of the bed and placed cuffs on dievca’s wrists. He then bent His dievca face-down over the side of the bed naked and in heels, attaching her hands over her head to the restraints. There was enough play in the leather that dievca could get on to her elbows if needed, but Master pulled her back to stretch out her arms overhead.

dievca’s freshly waxed ass was open to Master’s view, He inserted an anal plug using lube.

As dievca was opened and exposed, Master took off His pants and grabbed the banana vibrator.  Reaching between His dievca’s legs, Master rested the vibrator cupping her pussy and hitting her clit while jiggling the anal plug. He called for orgasms and after a number plunged into her pussy with His cock. dievca grabbed at Him with her pelvic muscles as she pulled on the restraints.

Master continued to tease dievca with the vibrator, then His hand and His cock until she squirted on the floor.


At that point, Master pushed dievca towards the bed and told her to flip over, her ass on the edge of the bed with hands restrained above her head. Holding her high heels, Master penetrated deeply until the anal plug dropped out as dievca orgasmed continuously.

That called for a break, and though Master took dievca’s shoes off, He moved dievca’s cuffs to one connection point and kept His dievca’s hands restrained as she lay on her side to recover. Master washed His cock and stood at the side of the bed to place His cock in dievca’s mouth while playing with her pussy using the vibrator.

When Master removed the vibrator and He told dievca to move back diagonally and present (ass up, head down) so her arms would be pulling on the single point restraint.

He entered dievca deeply from behind, Doming her fully. After three weeks of separation, Master let go completely.

dievca was a well-used submissive.


He’s home, He’s home, He’s home

Photo: Jon Stars, Prospect Park NY w Nicola Collie

Your Master arrived safely.
The humidity has broken.
D/s outside might be an option.
Joy!


Missing Master


Bits and Pieces


The remnants of Master and dievca’s Power Exchange bring a sense of peace.

Photos: dievca, Fleet Ilya collar with silver curb chain lead

Losing it in your robe? Might was well be comfortable (ELSE lingerie)

The Harford County Sheriff’s Office is looking for a man who jumped rope in the aisles of a Riverside supermarket last week, allegedly wearing nothing but a pink bathrobe, while being videoed by a friend. 05/21/2018 (Courtesy photo/Harford County Sheriff)

Its hot.
dievca doesn’t have to hustle into work.
Wandering in the morning, wearing a robe has become a part of her Life.

Her “normal” robe is too heavy for the heat, so she spotted one at ELSE Lingerie.
The Ithaca robe:

The Ithaca is not glamourous for Presenting to your Sir or Madame,
but the Turkish Cotton is light and airy. It is excellent for beating the summer heat.

If you are looking for something more glamourous, ELSE does have other options:

 

 

 


Master triggered the start of a Fantasy

Anita Ekberg La Dolce Vita Trevi Fountain

Master told His dievca a story about D/s in the outdoors.

Anita Ekberg and Marcello Mastroianni – La Dolce Vita

Thoughts floated around in her head for a while and she fixated on the fountains around NYC.

dievca doesn’t know where her fantasy may go during nighttime dreaming, but her practical side has acknowledged the logistical nightmare D/s play in a NYC fountain might offer: dirty water, too many people, temperature, slipping, clothing – or lack of, legalities, voyeurs – might be a bonus, etc.

Maybe the Hamilton Fountain in Riverside Park — ok, it’s a horse trough.

Let’s see what dievca dreams up this evening.
Might be fabulous – might be a dievca disaster…


Why it works (Horoscope-wise)

Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22) –dievca

In most areas of their lives, The Scales are always seeking balance, except in the bedroom where playing with power and throwing off balance becomes very erotic. These closet freaks love to play with domination and submission.

Libras are people-pleasers. Outside of the bedroom, they often spend much of their time mirroring the behavior of others, as the last thing they want is to cause any offense. Being the submissive party allows Libras to get the kind of direction and guidance they wish they could receive constantly. Slow and sensuous usually Libras are happiest when they are told exactly what they can do to make their SO satisfied. Those born under this air sign also have a difficult time making decisions, so if a dominating partner is in charge, a Libra can just relax and enjoy themselves.

Consent and trust matter above all, but in a healthy BDSM relationship, having a partner who’s particularly fond of submitting can make for an incredibly sexy dynamic in bed.

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23–Nov. 21) -Master

Aw, Scorpio. Don’t be fooled by this water sign — when it comes to getting it on, Scorpio can bring the heat. Intense and passionate, Scorpio is naturally dominant in the bedroom and wants nothing more than to tell their partner exactly what to do. Not one to be sheepish about toys or new positions, Scorpio will set the tone of their sexual encounters, expecting their partner to (consensually!) follow along.

There’s no surprise that the most sexual of all the signs like to take their bedroom play to the extreme.

Signs which are submissive

Signs which are Dominant


Finding Sexy, again.


WFH – takes a chunk out of your sexiness factor.

dievca’s digging through her closet for a great dress.
Master might be surprised after her biking attire.

Have you dressed up lately? Just to get the fires going?
Might be time to try it.
XO


D/s dreaming

A hint of the dream lingers
throughout the day.

A smell, a touch,
a glimpse of satiation.

Collected wisps and pieces
solidify elusive memories.

Enough captured
to create an Orgasm.


Stretching in the Sun~


Good Morning!


Accoutremonets – BDSM

ac·cou·tre·ment
/əˈko͞odərmənt,əˈko͞otrəmənt/
  1. additional items of dress or equipment, or other items carried or worn by a person or used for a particular activity.

Perhaps you need to accessorize your Lingerie, be it ‘Vanilla with an edge’ or BDSM.


So, has there been any D/s activity?

Yes.
In modified modes.

It’s not been all comfort food…
Master has been really cognizant about His dievca’s mental and physical state.
Back issues? Certain positions.
Torn Calf? Gentle maneuvering.
Mental meltdown? Coddling before shifting..
Need for oblivion? Heavy D/s subspace.

In return, dievca has been serving Her Master to the best of her abilities.
It’s amazing how they flip to D/s without much coaxing.
One cannot ask anything more than that in D/s relationship. Right?


And sometimes a submissive gets lucky…

dievca grew up with a great family. she’s well-educated and has a great job.
she’s had and has a solid social life, no abusive partners, no financial issues.
It might seem like she is lucky, but she has worked hard for her World.

dievca doesn’t need to have a Dominant in her Life, but having one whom she trusts fully and can submit to has given her a chance to place a missing link.

Master would not state that He is stronger than His dievca.
He would state that their trust for each other is equal and that makes their power exchange fluid. They both want similar things out of their relationship.

Its the trust between a Dominant and submissive that needs to be strong.

 


Flying across the pond…


Your submissive is waiting.


Getting back into the mode.

Jacques Biederer 1913

dievca and Master are getting back into the BDSM swing of things, dievca has cleared out her closets and is open to looking at Fashion, again. She is also starting to have BDSM Fantasies.

Perhaps you will see the fruits of her current mental state appear in her writing…
Might be fun.
XO


Something of Use – Elegant Shopping Totes

Ashish S&M Tote

dievca started to offer “Useful Items in the City” here she wanted to mention that her useful nylon Baggu shopping totes have expanded to include leather shopping totes and embellished shopping totes, too. The totes are easy to fold and toss into a backpack for use when you desire a smaller bag that looks great.

dievca’s options below:

The question remains – does the neon S&M Ashish Sequin Tote above stand for sadomasochism? dievca is not sure, but what a fun way to show a nod towards your S&M leanings! (Where is the D/s bag for dievca?)

Hah! dievca just figured out that Ashish’s S&M stands for ‘Sex and Magic’…..


Feeling a Need


A hint of BDSM: Open House Projects

Lior Bracelet

Open House Lior Bracelet

Open House Threshold Choker

Related image

Open House Attache Ring

cuff, collar, o-ring
Simple, elegant -a hint of BDSM
Open House Projects Jewelry

Open House Projects jewelry is designed by Monika Wyndham in New York. Designs usually start their lives as sketches on paper and are eventually carved in wax somewhere between the Catskills and New York City. New work is often made at odd hours, and sometimes in hotels, on picnic benches, and in cars. Open House jewelry often features moving parts, pieces that fit together in satisfying ways, and design elements with utility like handmade clasps and closures. Our aim is to make design objects with integrity that feel good to wear and are nice to interact with. We respect the inimitable nature of something that is made by hand.

We are glad to work closely with family-owned businesses and skilled jewelers in New York City to take each of our designs from concept to completion. Our pieces are cast in certified recycled metals using the lost wax method