dievca’s Dad and Mom grew up poor, so when Dad started to make a bit of money he wanted to try all kinds of activities that he associated with people who had a bit more money – tennis, bridge, etc. Both of dievca’s parents ended up playing tennis for a long time, but only dievca’s Mom got into Bridge.
she was a demon at it
Bridge players play weekly or more. Depending on how many tables are going – each participant will host a Bridge Party monthly or bi-monthly. These hostings would include food or a meal. And in dievca’s Mom’s case – lunch could be a Waldorf Salad or Phyllo dough individual Chicken Pot Pies.
Coffee service was involved.
dievca’s Mom used a percolator and she always said the coffee was considered excellent. So, dievca was looking for the percolator when she closed up her Mom’s house and never found it. she thinks it might have been a General Electric version.
Does anyone have any experience with an electric percolator – vintage GE in particular?
doing Tedious Tidbits.
- Organizing receipts for taxes
- Cleaning house for the week
- Making meals for the week
- Switching phones
- Switching computers
- Switch SIM cards on tablet
- Mailing two international packages
We all have things that need to get done – but they aren’t that important so you push them off…
The good news is dievca is starting to take care of those tedious things she let go during dealing with her Mom/ Dad.
Next her focus moves on to selfcare: dry heels, waxing, mani/pedi, haircut, swimming, skin discoloration on cheek, cronic swollen knee, updated eye exam, hormones check, etc.
So, how are you doing with your petty chores?
dievca lost those 8 hours of work on Friday with travel debacles, she made them up by starting at 4:00 am and plowing through the house. Her brother, Sister-in-Law, Nephew and Niece-in-Law + the three older kids (10, 9, 7) were amazing. 3 bedrooms 2.5 baths, full basement, full attic, 3 stall garage – sorted, packed, Goodwilled, Seniors Elderly Center, Animal Shelter and the house staged with furniture wanted by the buyer and left with some accessories/decent linens.
Dinners were nice affairs – Pizza on late arrival with Red wine. Caregivers and everyone shared a lovely meal with Seafood/Italian to honor Mom and Dad amidst the house chaos + the chocolates Mom loved, Wild Rice Chicken and Mushroom Soup + fresh baked bread the next evening at dievca’s Nephew/Nieces’ house. After the dinners, back to work for dievca for an hour or so. Then, early to bed, early to rise.
At the Airport, dievca was handed a flute of champagne and started buzzing immediate due to exhaustion and lack of food. she went for a second glass and overheard the bartender say that the “premium” champagne was being served because the inexpensive one ran out. So, when her elbow knocked over 1/3 of the flute of champage, dievca ponder getting a third flute – but getting bombed before a flight was not on the agenda.
Caregivers are cleaning the house today, dievca’s brother will do a walk-thru with realtor on Weds – closing on Friday if all goes well.
dievca’s Brother was on a mission to get the house sold. she would not recommend this timeline to anyone, but it is possible with many hands working together. XO
Side note: Mom and Dad’s ashes were in the Laundry Room, side by side. Mom obviously weighed a lot less than Dad did at the end – we think it was the osteoperosis. The 1st night dievca needed water at 3 am and she ran into the laundry room to grab a bottle – the light over Mom and Dad was flickering. Then she found a $100 bill in a card that her Dad had written, “Happy Birthday” with no name on it. Used the money to pay for the babysitter watching the 3 younger kids (5, 3, 1.5) – Dad would have been happy.
I will crawl back from the Gates of Hell and get this sh*t done.
dievca’s Mom had a lot of clothing in various places around the house (socks and stockings in the TV Armoire ?!?!?). dievca had completed her Dad’s clothing and thought she was finished, but she forgot all of the drawers upstairs. So, dievca sat on the stairs sorting scarves and tops for the final hurrah…and then treated herself to a bath where her Mom was oh so happy. It was a lovely bath – the glass of wine didn’t hurt. Maybe she won’t be too sore tomorrow.
Furniture into storage and more GoodWill runs on the agenda.
dievca hopes everyone is doing well.
You name it for travel problems – they happened yesterday.
Ice, Snow, flights canceled, reroutings failed, no rental car.
Noon arrival ended up at 8 pm.
Attempting to start over this morning…
dievca is flying back to the Midwest to clear out the house.
There is a buyer – they want the furniture.
Cross fingers it goes through. XO
dievca was looking out at the sunset when her brother called. Apparently 6 people saw Mom and Dad’s house today – the first day it was listed. Mom and Dad lived in a small town in a rural area surrounded by farms….so both dievca and her brother were surprised.
There are 7 more people on the schedule for tomorrow. Someone made a cash offer today and the realtor will ask for ‘Highest and Best’ offers by 5 pm tomorrow night to decide. dievca is not sure why the realtor isn’t asking for “Best and Final” offers because dievca’s brother wants the house sold as is and as soon as possible.
That means dievca will have to hustle back and get the furniture and things sorted. It would have been nice to do it in April – not the deep of February. (Shit, why not just pile one more item on a failing dievca…🙄)
Please note that the house is not the one dievca grew up in – just the one her parents built to die in.
Photo: dievca Hudson River NYC 01/2022
A very large , “Thank You” for your kind words and glasses lifted up to honor a good Life.
The thoughts and presentations are so lovely. And dievca is working through her bottle over a long period as she replies to texts and phone calls. A little lubrication to celebrate a Life and ease the pain of kindness.
How are you all doing? What’s going on in your lives?
(dievca’s coming up for air~)
- What makes life worth living?
- What would make life definitely not worth living?
- What might at first seem too much to put up with, but then might seem manageable after getting familiar with the situation and learning to deal with it?
- If you knew life was coming to an end, what would be comforting and make dying feel safe?
What, in that situation, would you want to avoid?
- How much control is important for you to have when facing a terminal illness?
We may see that dying is the better of two choices, and be ready to give the loved one permission to die. The dying person may be distressed at causing grief for those who love them, and, receiving permission to die can relieve their distress. There is a time for this to happen. Before that, it feels wrong to accept a loss, but after that it can be an act of great kindness to say, “You may go when you feel it is time. I will be OK.”
At the time a person is near death, sometimes touch is the best communication. Gentle stroking of a hand or a cheek, and quietly reassuring the person that you love them and that you will be all right is perhaps the most compassionate way to ease your loved one on his journey. In a situation where you are not present at the time of death, forgive yourself and know that you did the best you could to make the final hours or weeks of life peaceful and meaningful.
According to Hospice and an EMT Family Member, Mom is holding on hard. dievca’s one brother is there, Grandchildren are there, a lovely Caregiver, the Great-Grandchild have gone over, dievca and her cousins have spoken and sang to Mom, dievca hopes her other brother has spoken to Mom, but she’s not sure….what are we missing?
dievca’s Dad checked in with everyone and then let go~ We cannot figure out what Mom is holding on for~ she moves her lips when something pleases her and the mention of a bath causes those lips to move. Mom floats with her Osteoperosis. Maybe the simple pleasure of a bath~
Just wish we could figure out what would help.
to get to the Laundrymat to clean towels, pads, and clothing because the wash machine went out….It’s been years since dievca has had to gather quarters for the machines.
dievca’s desperation of not initially recognizing a wine bottle shape in the bottom cupboard was a bit pathetic. The wine is a solid Malbec and a good way to end a day of chores.
Mom is good, dievca got her best – but she is fading. Mom is going to go down with dignity and a healthy splash of humor~
dievca absolutely loves that her Mom cannot remember that she broke her hip twice or what she ate, but she damn well knows that dievca brought her favorite chocolates and asks about dievca’s Apple Green Dries van Noten Platform Sandals. (Note: Mom is bed/wheelchair bound, but dievca has put all the shoes on her Mother’s feet – just to get the “look”.)
dievca schlepped two pair of kick a** boots for Mom to review, platform leather Chuck Taylors, a +J Uniqlo Mixed Knit Sweater a friend gave to her and the crazy print LA Double J reversible down coat. dievca’s Mom loved it all.
Chocolates and Fashion – there is some kind of philosophical “Meaning of Life” in those choices.
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door
You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tailwind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat
If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand
If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn (Oh you do!)
You mean that it’s just my election (Just that!)
To vote for a chance to be reborn
It was a quick trip to Mom, 4 days. Packed a lot into the time. POA shift, moved Mom on to hospice, need a new hospital bed – motor died (made do with a log and seat cushion to change the angles for Mom), attempted to get quality WiFi (need a new router), attempted to get the gardens/yard into some semblance of order (including picking up 15 cigarette butts on the driveway from a caregiver – what is wrong with people. Are they born in a barn? We have a cigarette repository out there.), maintenance man/snow removal man is no longer working – looking for help (Note his kid moved away and they no longer need to store his classic car in the garage…hmmm? Maybe that had something to do with being unavailable…), cleaned the odd places in the house and the upstairs as best as possible.
Grocery shopped at night and saw ⇑⇑⇑ the MOON!
It’s Full this Evening. Don’t forget to shake your wallet at the Moon!
And think of dievca flying home late tonight. XO
You take what you can find at dievca’s Mom’s House.
Last night dievca found this:
Who on God’s Earth brought this over?
And this afternoon she found this:
A staple at a Chicago Cubs Game~
Both offerings are rough around the edges – but in a pinch, they’ll do~
dievca’s running to the Grocery store late tonight – the next visit won’t be as desperate.
PS. Her Mom is doing relatively well.
dievca is doing it! she is going on a trip that does not involve staying with her Mom, and the guilt has already set in… It’s been fun to pile ALL the clothes she wanted to take on the bed and then weed out a curated selection. And because dievca has tried on EVERYTHING in her closet – all the choices fit well. she’s good to go!
And she is a sleeping more. Is it depression or time to go?
Its the first time dievca’s Mom wanted to sleep rather than speak with her.
When you are the youngest of the two youngest and everyone (Dad/Aunts/Uncles) have passed. Your last tie to an Era will soon be cut. You can only hope that your oldest cousins can answer your questions about Family.
she knows she shouldn’t borrow trouble, but dievca’s heart is hurting.
Her Mom’s Life isn’t really a Life – so it will be good when Mom catches up with dievca’s Dad. She misses him
dievca just keeps sending Love from her mind and her heart.
dievca’s Dad had a Tree Service look at the dead trees on their property. The bad news was to cut and remove the trees would have cost $6K. The good news is that all of the trees would not fall on the house. Dad did not hire the service before he died.
The Midwest had some big winds this winter and a large tree broke in half and came down close to the house – but missed it (photos). Just like the tree service said. What dievca did not expect is that another tree out on the property, leaning away from the neighbors yard, yet, was pushed onto their yard by a significant wind. Nowhere near their house, but it did fall on to their yard.
The neighbor walked over and told the caregiver that it happened and mentioned that they had a service in to clear the tree. The caregiver asked her to speak to dievca’s brother. When dievca got to her Mom’s she heard the tree service at the neighbors, saw the other dead tree from the winter and heard about the neighbor’s vist from the caregiver.
Yes, it was expected that the dead trees would fall at some point (firewood), it was unexpected one would fall on the neighbors lawn -so who pays?
What’s the rule?
- If the tree falls on your property or your property is damaged, you’ll make a claim through your home insurance company. If the tree falls on your neighbor’s property or their property is damaged, their home insurance will handle the cleanup and repair work.
- In most states, if your tree or any part of it falls on your neighbors‘ property and causes damage to their property through no fault of your own (due to a snow storm, winds, hurricane, or another so-called “act of God”), you are not responsible.
The good news is that dievca’s Mom only has one neighbor and there was the only dead tree on that track of land. As for the rest of the trees? Nature is just going to have to move forward unless dievca’s brother decides to hire someone.
Like everyone, dievca has her worries. They add up to create fatigue. Then there is evidence that one of the worries is bucking the trend and involved with something you know brings them shear Joy. dievca started crying when her Mom’s caregivers sent photos of something beautiful:
Mom looks like the Goddess she is…
Give me the damn coffee!
~You get by with a little help from your friend~
dievca is behind the wheel and singing Willy Nelson while heading West.
she is wondering with people avoiding flying, will road trips come into fashion?
Is there a call for the vintage places of interest maps?
David Rumsey Historical Map Collection
Author: General Drafting Company
Short Title: Trip Planning Map Of The United States
Publisher: General Drafting Co.
Publisher Location: Convent Station, N.J.
The widest State on dievca’s trip is:
It might be worth it to stop and see something!
Look what you can find in your parent’s basement.
with pretty good coffee!
Actually, the rental car is new and running very well.
Travel across was very easy.
Packing food was a good idea and I’d like to give a “shout” out to Ohio for the best rest stops.
Clean, spacious — amazing.
BTW – gasoline prices ranged from $1.99 to $1.15 per gallon – east to west.
Something interesting to note – the further away from NYC, the more lax people are about COVID-19.
Yes, it makes sense when your area has 180 deaths versus the 13,168 in NYC.
But seeing 65+-year-olds without masks and gloves in a Wal-Mart really stressed me out.
BTW – it was confirmed post-mortem that Dad’s death was not COVID-19.
Why do the test?
So, the Hospice nurses who neglected Dad would come back for Mom’s appointments.
still salty bout that
As for my Mom?
My Mom has blown through the stages of Grief and is getting ready to blow through them, again.
She is eating and sleeping well, for me at least.
Yesterday would have been Mom and Dad’s 66th Wedding Anniversary.
OK – as you read this, I am back in the car – starting Day 2 of the return trip.
POEM of the ROAD – Walt Whitman (excerpt)
To take to your use out of the compact cities as
you pass through!
To carry buildings and streets with you afterward
wherever you go!
To gather the minds of men out of their brains as
you encounter them! to gather the love out
of their hearts!
To take your own lovers on the road with
you, for all that you leave them behind
To know the universe itself as a road—as many
roads—as roads for traveling souls!
The soul travels,
The body does not travel as much as the soul,
The body has just as great a work as the soul,
and parts away at last for the journeys of the
All parts away for the progress of souls,
All religion, all solid things, arts, governments —
all that was or is apparent upon this globe or
any globe, falls into niches and corners before
the processions of souls along the grand roads
of the universe,
Of the progress of the souls of men and women
along the grand roads of the universe, all
other progress is the needed emblem and
Full poem HERE
dievca found a rental car and is making her way to her Mom. If there’s no hotel – sleeping in the car will do. Food is packed for along the way. Always an interesting first 30 miles when she hasn’t driven in a while – but it will be dievca and the trucks most of the way. Wish her “good luck”! XO
My Dad died.
I could hear the death rattle while video chatting with my Mother – trying to think of every humorous or lovely moment with Dad and other family members to distract her. Dad was gasping for air. 99% sure it wasn’t COVID-19, the Speech Therapist said that as Dad lost swallowing capabilities – food/water would go down the wrong pipe, and pneumonia would set in. It did. Hospice wouldn’t come unless Dad was tested…Dad wasn’t going anywhere to get tested.
It didn’t end ugly.
I can Thank our amazing careworkers, morphine, my brother, and the great-grandkids for that. I wouldn’t have called the kids in time to say, ‘good-bye’ – they are all under 7 years old – Dad was such a mess I thought it would terrify their dreams. My brother called and they all trooped over (6+ of them) to see Dad with little masks and gloves.
He passed out Tootsie Pops.
Turned over and died in the chaos with Mom on his shoulder and holding hands with the chain of kids.
That thought sustains me more than the painful video call earlier. Dad would do anything for a kid. Kill himself for a kid. Works for me. Thank Goodness my brother called in the troops. A better way to go.
So, will the kids have bad dreams? I don’t know.
I just know that as I look at my hands which are the same shape as my Dad’s,
I am really craving a red Tootsie Pop.
A pretty sight, right? The pink flowers match the lingerie from yesterday. dievca didn’t get a photo of the flowers before the post. Here’s the order of activities:
- A two-CD mix made for dievca’s Mother took a full day to source and collect songs, then find a burner for the CD’s. Her Dad is failing badly, so she asked the Caregivers to play the music from “Carmen Jones” and “Das Boot” via YouTube on the tablet for expedience. The CD’s are for the stereo – both of dievca’s parents are going deaf.
- The next day after work, dievca took a 1.5-hour walk around the City – to get out of the apartment. The wind was brutal-you can see the birds fighting the chop on the Hudson River. she found one place to walk up to buy coffee – it was a treat tasting a different flavor than her coffee.
- The 3rd day, dievca biked up the Hudson River Park trail in the rain to get to Master. Master’s windows offered an elegant view of two Magnolia trees in bloom.
And she shared dinner and wine with Master after a little D/s play.
If dievca’s Dad dies – she won’t be able to get to her mother for the funeral. There is a two-week quarantine for New Yorkers heading out of State via air travel. dievca hasn’t been sick, but she would prefer to be careful. Understandably, as dievca’s Mom wouldn’t make it through a bout of COVID-19 under Hospice care.
Photos: dievca 04/2020 NYC - graphic from a good friend.
It was a day before 10 am.
Dad hadn’t a movement in 8 days….with softners, prunes and trying to get him to drink as much water as possible, etc..
It took an Army.
Daughter, Caregiver, Nurse, Home Aid – suppository, prune juice & butter, manipulations, tummy rubbing, squat positioning being held up.
All while two people maneuvered Mom into the bathtub.
Then the arguing about taking a shower began – 5 weeks of Sponge Baths in a row doesn’t cut it.
It was a hell of a Birthday for Dad – but he’s loose and clean!
We ALL needed a drink by Noon.
Mom and Dad just took a nap~
Always desperate for good coffee at my Parents’,
M. gave me a coffee packet for the trip.
The name made me laugh like heck!
We’ll see how those caramel notes soothe stressed nerves.
Big February Birthdays!
Dad, he’s still hanging on.
Brother? It’s a big one.
(But in all honesty…dievca is dreading the trip.)