Fatherhood

The Guy I fell in Love with First – my Dad.

As I watch my Dad keep weight on as best as possible with tube feeding, I remember all the traveling he had to do for work.  All those meals he had on the road. (and he drank) How he would finish what I didn’t eat.  The focus was on me, my brothers, my Mom — not him.

But, Dad tried – he tried to keep running until a severe ankle injury stopped him (his ankle still swells 30 +years later – of course he never went to the Doctor). Dad was a great athlete and he’s still moving as much as possible to this day, but he did have a…

“Dad Bod”

Its true — there is a type of body created by being a Dad. Especially a “resident” Dad.

  • Though age is positively associated with BMI over all years for all men, comparing nonresident and resident fathers with non-fathers reveals different trajectories based on fatherhood status. Entrance into fatherhood is associated with an increase in BMI trajectory for both nonresident and resident fathers, while non-fathers exhibit a decrease over the same period. 

The study was started in 1994-1995 collecting height + weight to calculate BMI (Body Mass Index) and fatherhood status. Covariates included age, education, physical health, income, number of children, screen hours, workouts, etc.  The starting age range was 12-21 and the study was conducted over 20 years with data collected in four waves.

Men were grouped into three categories: resident fathers, non-resident fathers, and non-fathers. The trajectory of standardized BMI over time is shown below.

In a press release, the lead author of the study, Dr Craig Garfield, Associate Professor of Pediatrics and Medical Social Sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and attending pediatrician at Ann & Robert H. Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago, said,

Fatherhood can affect the health of young men, above the already known effect of marriage. The more weight the fathers’ gain and the higher their BMI, the greater the risk they have for developing heart disease as well as diabetes and cancer.

So, the “Dad Bod” exists.

Weight gain associated with life transitions such as parenthood is a real concern, and public health, social, and clinical supports should be available for men during this time.

And we should be saying, “Thank You” to our Dad’s for giving their health up for us.

http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1557988315596224

As I was reading the study, I wondered about the reasons for participants to be non-Fathers. Did they have a partner, male or female? Did that change the findings? Did marriage, in general, cause a male to gain weight whether there were children or not? Etc.

I think, in general, men who have families forget to take care of themselves.
The “Dad Bod” sacrifice.
And especially for Father’s Day – again, I’d like to Thank You.
Fatherhood is special. XO

 


Amazing what a simple text can do~

crotch·et·y

ˈkräCHədē/
adjective
  1. irritable.
    “he was tired and crotchety

Urban Dictionary TOP DEFINITION

crotchety

An adjective used to describe an old person. More specifically, someone who seems to hate life in their “golden years” and feels the need to take it out on others.

It was a rough Sunday:
An Amazon package arrived at my Parents and I got a phone call.

I bought Dad a 5# weight bar from Amazon.
I bought him safety handles for the toilet from Amazon.
I bought him non-slip strips for the shower from Amazon.

I bought him what the OT (Occupational Therapist) and Nurse told me to buy.
And he was pissed.

I said, “I am so sorry that you feel like you are losing control, I just bought what the nurse and OT asked me to buy so you would have it available.”
He kept stuttering and yelling, so I just said “good-bye” and hung up.

(Thinking, NO, you cannot use the bathroom door handle to help you get off the toilet.)

But, I guess it’s ok that I bought my Mom pee-pee pads from Amazon. I didn’t ask.

As I was feeling so tired and defeated from the week, travel, work headaches, plus my Brother and, now, my Dad – I received a gorgeous text from my Sister-In-Law:

“Dear, dear dievca. Thank you for all of your efforts. We just got the 3rd call from Dad in 10 minutes. My husband is laughing that you are never ever going to come home again.”
“(insert my last name) males are tough.”

Amazing what a simple text can do~

So, like, do you think I should buy that book (above) for Dad and ship it from Amazon?

Umm, I’m not doing so well at this elderly parent thing – no Catholic heaven for me, huh?

Hope your Monday is better than my Sunday – hell, it can’t be any worse.

Bloody Mary, anyone?


A very good day. A Lovely Day.

My Dad made it home.  So what if he has to be a “tubie”, he’s walking better, cognitive skills are excellent, can do everything that is important – heck, we can’t ask for anything more.  Dad went into the hospital on his Birthday and he made it home for his Anniversary. 62 years – May Day! Mom’s skinny as a toothpick, but she is holding up, too.

Me? I’m pooped (tired). It was a long day of squeezing in work, NYC traffic, flight, rental car, drive, learning the tube feeding process and fighting with the pharmacy. Add Dad getting on me that it’s garbage day tomorrow — yeah, that brain is doing just fine~

But the Sunset after a lovely 71 F (22 C) day? Amazing!

That extra shine is the sun hitting the water of a lake.

All-in-all, a very good day.

Click photo to play Bill Wither’s Lovely Day.

Photo: dievca 04/2018

 


Home

What do you call “Home”?
Physical location? State of Mind?
Is it where you began?
Or is it whom you stand next to?

Growing up “Home” was defined by a 10 hour car trip to Family. Then it was who stood next to me. It became certain people, certain places and experiences. But as I travel back to my Parents, I realize I hold “Home” inside of me. I do not have to travel to find it and if I do travel, I will never lose it.

something beautiful connected to the photo above (click)

If I had been able to~

One of my children would have been 19. I wanted a hockey team. 6

My brothers played Junior and College Hockey. Their kids played College Hockey.

Odds are if I had been able to carry, mine would have been on a Team bus.

But, I/we didn’t make it to one. That was a long time ago~

I ask myself: is it better to never get started? Or to never see it finish after having 20 years of Joy?

Both stink.

And I cry, again, not for my ancient history but for the Children and Families of the Humboldt Broncos.

Sending a prayer.


Good Morning! Decision made~

A fully coherent Father made his choice, clearly and verbally, “I will do the feeding tube in the stomach and rehab.” I know that this elongates the process, but we were so relieved that the choice was taken out of our hands and put into the hands of the main participant. Today, after coffee, I will work with the people who will help my Mother stay in their (Mom and Dad’s) home.

All this has made me think….I have no children, I need to make these plans ahead of time for myself. I cannot wait. (But, it cannot be done today…)

Have a Lovely Morning!


But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.

M.
I am afraid that I am going to babble to you the next few days. It’s my way of pushing through and letting off steam.  This release helps minimize my explosion of upset emotions about Dad. The meltdown will come, the good news is that you will probably be in India by then~

Airline ticket – check ($400)
Dial 7 – check ($29)
Rental Car – check ($97)

I feel like I won’t know anything until I see Dad with my own two eyes.
Maybe I was born in Missouri instead of Illinois~

I know I’ve said this, but I NEED to say it, again.
I have amazing friends. You included. I don’t feel alone.

Well, here we go.
He could live or he could die and I don’t have any control over the results.
Let me be calm and breathe.

This is why I kept going back so many times, I have nothing left to say – it has all been said.

My Dad knows I love him and I know he loves me.

But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.

who else will give me hell and tell me that I am out of the will? d.