Patient, but going downhill a bit.


“Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Young and Older Hands

  • What makes life worth living?
  • What would make life definitely not worth living?
  • What might at first seem too much to put up with, but then might seem manageable after getting familiar with the situation and learning to deal with it?
  • If you knew life was coming to an end, what would be comforting and make dying feel safe?
    What, in that situation, would you want to avoid?
  • How much control is important for you to have when facing a terminal illness?

We may see that dying is the better of two choices, and be ready to give the loved one permission to die. The dying person may be distressed at causing grief for those who love them, and, receiving permission to die can relieve their distress. There is a time for this to happen. Before that, it feels wrong to accept a loss, but after that it can be an act of great kindness to say, “You may go when you feel it is time. I will be OK.”

At the time a person is near death, sometimes touch is the best communication. Gentle stroking of a hand or a cheek, and quietly reassuring the person that you love them and that you will be all right is perhaps the most compassionate way to ease your loved one on his journey. In a situation where you are not present at the time of death, forgive yourself and know that you did the best you could to make the final hours or weeks of life peaceful and meaningful.

According to Hospice and an EMT Family Member, Mom is holding on hard. dievca’s one brother is there, Grandchildren are there, a lovely Caregiver, the Great-Grandchild have gone over, dievca and her cousins have spoken and sang to Mom, dievca hopes her other brother has spoken to Mom, but she’s not sure….what are we missing?

dievca’s Dad checked in with everyone and then let go~ We cannot figure out what Mom is holding on for~ she moves her lips when something pleases her and the mention of a bath causes those lips to move. Mom floats with her Osteoperosis. Maybe the simple pleasure of a bath~

Just wish we could figure out what would help.

Hello Lovely Bath Mat


What’s in a name?

ukrainians-1900s-1910s-9

dievča is 1/2 дівчинка, but she never really thinks of herself as Ukrainian. she looks like her Dad’s Slovak side of the family (which is — well, maybe, not quite as beautiful as her Mother’s Ukrainian side…).

What prompted these musings?

dievca’s Mom took a turn for the worse and her cousins are coming out of the woodwork to tell her Mom that they love her. Singing Ukrainian songs, sending photos of her Mother to dievca. It is sad and lovely at the same time. The photos shared show that dievca doesn’t really look like her Mom other than the pointy chin which pokes Master’s chest, the color of her eyes (grey), and her voice.

If dievca can’t really look Ukrainian, maybe she could was seek a way to feel more Ukrainian – so she started looking for a vyshyvanka:

Then she remembered that she has this Ulla Johnson blouse – one is enough:

Ulla Johnson Simona Blouse


(looking for a little motivational push through) Put One Foot in Front of the Other

ChiBird Motivationmotivation(Chorus)
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking ‘cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you’ll be walking out the door

You never will get where you’re going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there’s a good tailwind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

(Chorus)

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

(Chorus)

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn (Oh you do!)
You mean that it’s just my election (Just that!)
To vote for a chance to be reborn

(Chorus 2x)

Looking for Motivation


Shopping Suggestions Holiday 2021

dievca shops year round for her Holiday gifts. That said, she also keeps an eye out for items that might be of interest to people of the Masculine persuation ~ or those who like practical and streamlined items. she has the following suggestions for the Holiday 2021 season (UO = Urban Outiftters, top items until the Yellow Submarine Towel – the second set of items are from Huckberry –  a great Masculine driver space, Google Image search a photo and it should take you to the item webpage, last two items from Theragun):


Have you noticed?

Advanced Love Bill and Eva

Advanced Love: Advanced Style Bill and Eva Kobus-Webb

That you or your friends are becoming quirky in your aging?

Unique outfits?
Time Awareness?
Demanding?

Stubbornness?
OCD?
Crotchety?
Bluntness? 

Between Master, dievca’s family, her friends and herself –  there are a lot of people getting older who are really BOSSY!


Coming up for Air

20210919_225042

It was a quick trip to Mom, 4 days.  Packed a lot into the time. POA shift, moved Mom on to hospice, need a new hospital bed – motor died (made do with a log and seat cushion to change the angles for Mom), attempted to get quality WiFi (need a new router), attempted to get the gardens/yard into some semblance of order (including picking up 15 cigarette butts on the driveway from a caregiver – what is wrong with people. Are they born in a barn? We have a cigarette repository out there.), maintenance man/snow removal man is no longer working – looking for help (Note his kid moved away and they no longer need to store his classic car in the garage…hmmm? Maybe that had something to do with being unavailable…), cleaned the odd places in the house and the upstairs as best as possible.

Grocery shopped at night and saw ⇑⇑⇑ the MOON!

It’s Full this Evening.  Don’t forget to shake your wallet at the Moon!

And think of dievca flying home late tonight. XO


Desperate times call for

Desperate Measures…

You take what you can find at dievca’s Mom’s House. 

Last night dievca found this:

20210917_212108

Who on God’s Earth brought this over?

And this afternoon she found this:

20210918_123610

A staple at a Chicago Cubs Game~

Both offerings are rough around the edges – but in a pinch, they’ll do~

dievca’s running to the Grocery store late tonight – the next visit won’t be as desperate.

PS. Her Mom is doing relatively well. 


Coffee and music on a Monday Morning

Musical Notes Coffee Image

Why is it always easier to get things done to Classic Rock?  At least for dievca~

Maybe its because every Saturday growing up – her family’s home had to be cleaned from top to bottom. It was the 1970’s, dievca’s brothers played Rock Music doing chores.  dievca is like Pavlov’s Dog – you put the Classic Rock on and she cranks out the work…

Here’s the last song:


Trying to catch up

Vintage photo woman runningAbsolutely not complaining – dievca is grateful.
Just a little behind…ok, a lot behind.
What was added:

  • Back to work the afternoon of the “Red Eye” flight, thought there would be three days grace.
  • Caught up with Master – always an important Joy
  • Sold three eBay items while traveling, needed to ship immediately and the printer is out of ink
  • Sold four more items last night, again, no ink.
  • Co-workers begging to cram in meetings before Labor Day.
  • Most important, trying to get to Mom

How is your weekend shaping up?

 


My Mom isn’t eating much.

HeartAnd she is a sleeping more. Is it depression or time to go?
Its the first time dievca’s Mom wanted to sleep rather than speak with her. 

When you are the youngest of the two youngest and everyone (Dad/Aunts/Uncles) have passed.  Your last tie to an Era will soon be cut.  You can only hope that your oldest cousins can answer your questions about Family.

she knows she shouldn’t borrow trouble, but dievca’s heart is hurting.

Her Mom’s Life isn’t really a Life – so it will be good when Mom catches up with dievca’s Dad. She misses him

dievca just keeps sending Love from her mind and her heart.


marinière and memories

 
A marinière (French: [maʁinjɛʁ]), or tricot rayé (French: [tʁiko ʁɛje]; lit. ‘striped sweater’), is a cotton long-armed shirt with horizontal blue and white stripes.

Bronson-Mens-Breton-Stripe-Long-Sleeve-Shirts-Causaldievca was reading an article about when family members die, its hard to get rid of their “stuff” because of your memories attached to their items or the memories of the person who used the item. Whew – that was a mouthful.  For example, dievca has her Dad’s Levi’s looped Terry Cloth Shirt from the 1970’s. With a boat neck and 3/4 sleeves in white with blue stripes it looks like a marinière-style shirt. She remembers him wearing it to the Tennis Courts or the Pool. It’s still wearable and looped terry cloth clothing is “in”.

And then there is other stuff that you keep because you think you will use it. And – shocker! – you do use it.  Like a vintage Ice Cream scoop (1937) from you Aunt and her two 10″ Aires Box Fans (circa 2004 – received, new in box).

Mind you, those box fans have now been used and knocked over a number of times and because they are plastic/slighty flexible – they keep bouncing back for more. Something of Use!

All three items keep you cool in the Summer, all three items are practical and all three offer memories.
Three items that dievca doesn’t feel guilty for keeping.


Where do you fall?

sleep-junky-night-owl-vs-early-bird-genetics

Graphic from sleepjunkie.com

Research shows we are actually genetically predisposed to be either a morning or an evening person. According to chronobiology (the study of time in living things), cells in everything from plants to people work on their own internal ‘clock’.

So, when you had a Father who woke up at 4 am every morning for years after driving the boys to hockey practice and a Mother who stayed up reading or doing chores until 1 am and would still prefer that schedule, where does a dievca fall on that genetic predisposition?  Note: One brother is up at 4 am, the other is up until 2 am…

This question is lurking in dievca’s mind as she tries to get better quality sleep during her perimenopause phase…

Well~ work dictates and this Summer is asking for 6 am starts~

dievca will follow her Dad’s guidance and be an Early Bird – at least until she catches her second wind at 10 pm one night throw the best laid plans into Night Owl mode.


Taking a moment to honor your Military members who passed – friends, family and unknowns.


48F (9C) + rain on a beach + Memorial = what to wear?

20210530_070538
Photo: dievca NYC 05/30/2021

And now you know dievca’s BIG question this morning….
What crap weather for the start of Summer.
Practical is kicking in:


The other side of the family~

Ukrainian

On the other side of the family (Ukrainian), dievca is one of 22 cousins and the youngest by 10 years. she wasn’t born in the same state as the other cousins and didn’t grow up with them.  A Cousin just died –  possibly from COVID-19, her sibling is being cagy with information.  It all came out because another cousin didn’t hear from her on their regular 3rd day phone call – so another cousin called the sibling and then called dievca’s brother.  dievca’s brother is asking dievca to hunt down the 3rd sibling, who is gay, to find out more information or let them know about the death…

Are you lost?

It took dievca 5 years of asking her Mother who everyone was, trying to figure out who her cousins belonged to, what they did and their ages – a couple she has only met once.

She’s got it now.

And like every family — let’s sic the youngest on the problem.

She’s the baby and no one will get angry with her because she can play “clueless”. Plus, she was cute.

Watching the family dynamics in action is amazing.

BTW, dievca did hunt down the phone # for the gay sibling and will be calling today. That cousin likes her.

Baby bath


Home!

getty-images-holland-tunnel-traffic

The Holland Tunnel just about put me over the edge.
Wine glass, now in hand.

Getty Image: 1935 Traffic at the Holland Tunnel

Making your own headache

Lucille Ball with Vacuum Cleaner in I Love Lucydievca doesn’t know if she cleans the house for her Mother, the Caregivers or herself….but she kills herself to get the inside and outside done as much as possible in five days. Yes, her body pays for it afterward. No, she won’t hire someone to do it.

she is feeling like Lucy, right about now.

26 Oct 1952 — “Sales Resistance” is the name of this I Love Lucy episode, in which Ricky insists that Lucy get rid of a vacuum she bought from a door-to-door salesman. After a hectic day of trying to sell it to someone else, Lucille is worn out. — Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS


(Un)expected – in case you need the info.

20210511_103222 (1)dievca’s Dad had a Tree Service look at the dead trees on their property.  The bad news was to cut and remove the trees would have cost $6K.  The good news is that all of the trees would not fall on the house.  Dad did not hire the service before he died.

The Midwest had some big winds this winter and a large tree broke in half and came down close to the house – but missed it (photos). Just like the tree service said.  What dievca did not expect is that another tree out on the property, leaning away from the neighbors yard, yet, was pushed onto their yard by a significant wind. Nowhere near their house, but it did fall on to their yard.

The neighbor walked over and told the caregiver that it happened and mentioned that they had a service in to clear the tree. The caregiver asked her to speak to dievca’s brother.  When dievca got to her Mom’s she heard the tree service at the neighbors, saw the other dead tree from the winter and heard about the neighbor’s vist from the caregiver.

Yes, it was expected that the dead trees would fall at some point (firewood), it was unexpected one would fall on the neighbors lawn -so who pays?

What’s the rule?

  1. If the tree falls on your property or your property is damaged, you’ll make a claim through your home insurance company. If the tree falls on your neighbor’s property or their property is damaged, their home insurance will handle the cleanup and repair work.
  2. In most states, if your tree or any part of it falls on your neighbors‘ property and causes damage to their property through no fault of your own (due to a snow storm, winds, hurricane, or another so-called “act of God”), you are not responsible.

The good news is that dievca’s Mom only has one neighbor and there was the only dead tree on that track of land. As for the rest of the trees? Nature is just going to have to move forward unless dievca’s brother decides to hire someone.

20210511_103251


It’s a long drive to Mom

coffee gif

Do you think they will look at me strange when I take all of the coffee at the motel?

Good Morning!


Matchy-Matchy Mother and Daughter

Mother Daughter Matching 1950The matchy-matchy look flourishes in “time periods when there is more cultural emphasis on the family and the mother-daughter relationship,” said the fashion historian Jennifer Farley Gordon, who researches children’s clothing. In practice, the matching style can also signal affluence: a mother with leisure time to sew—or money to shop for—mirror-image outfits, and who is more likely to be a stay-at-home mom. Part of the idea, also, is that there’s not much point in being one half of a matching set if you’re not spending significant amounts of time together in public.

Mother Daughter Matching 1950 2Life nailed the appeal of mother-daughter dressing when it declared: “‘Look Alike’ means ‘Look Young.’” The mommy-and-me looks of the 1940s and ’50s were decidedly girlish, emphasizing the mother’s youthfulness rather than the daughter’s maturity. In her memoir Mommie Dearest, Christina Crawford remembered posing for publicity photos with her adoptive mother, Joan, in the late 1940s, at the age of 8. “I had to get dressed in one of the many ‘mother-and-daughter’ outfits we were always photographed in … Mother and I would go through the whole day doing things for the camera and changing from one matching outfit to another.” Often, these outfits consisted of ruffled pinafores or skirts with suspenders worn over frilly blouses with puffed sleeves, with matching ribbons in their hair—clothes more appropriate for an 8-year-old than a grown woman. Tellingly, if a woman had more than one daughter, she was advised to twin with the youngest, according to Life.

Mother Daughter Matching al-parker-skating-lhj-1 Ladies’ Home Journal—one of the leading women’s magazines in America—had strong ideas about how the country could spend its wealth. From 1939 into the early 1950s, the magazine published a series of covers illustrated by Al Parker, a contemporary of Norman Rockwell, depicting mothers and daughters in matching outfits engaging in household chores and leisure activities such as baking cookies, riding bicycles, raking leaves, knitting, skiing, and wrapping Christmas gifts. One memorable image portrayed a rosy-cheeked mother and daughter pair, ice skating hand-in-hand above the headline: “Is Society Committing Suicide Today?”

Mother Daughter Matching 2020These days, however, the mommy-and-me looks are usually store-bought. The likes of Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, and Lanvin getting into the luxury children’s wear market and they come with decidedly grown-up price tags. There are plenty of budget-friendly version, like Target’s collaboration with Victoria Beckham, or Drew Barrymore’s line for Crocs.

Though a few halfhearted attempts to launch father-son fashions in the 1950s never really took off, family fashions have surged in recent years as many dads have become more hands-on. Often focused on holiday dressing, vacation clothes, or sleepwear, these collections—which are diversified enough to accommodate a broad range of ages and genders—offer a less literal interpretation of twinning, one intended for special occasions. Which is to say that “daddy, mommy, all my siblings, and me” might be the new mommy-and-me.

Mother Daughter Matching 1970What brought this delve into Mommy and Me Fashion?  dievca had a flashback of 1976-1977 where her Mom and her had matching outfits and hair which consisted of a rust-colored Corduroy Oshkosh B’gosh Overalls Dress, off-white turtleneck, rust cable knit tights, brown leather Bass platform wedge shoes with rubber sole and Toni Tennille hair:

It was the first time and the last time dievca and her Mom matched. They shared a lot of clothing throughout the years (still do), but the matching thing? One great go – then that was it.

HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY!

A Thank You to KIMBERLY CHRISMAN-CAMPBELL is a fashion historian based in Los Angeles and the author of the forthcoming book Worn on This Day: The Clothes That Made History.  Most of the information was gleaned from and article she did for The Atlantic Magazine in 2018.


“Khrystos Voskres!” (Христос воскрес! )

“Voistyno Voskres!” (Воістину Воскресе!)

bunny-yeager self potrait tree

Whoops – wrong type of Bunny…

Happy Easter, anyways!


Last Snow of 2020


dievca’s Dad had a High School kid who would help him around the house, that kid has since graduated from college. But, he would still visit her Dad and help when he could before Dad died. dievca looked in the garage and saw a rebuilt Corvette being stored in one stall. It’s the kid’s and he must have asked dievca’s brother to store it. No problem.

So, what is dievca’s Mom getting in return?
Driveway snow clearing services — but notably this morning at 6:00 am it is not the kid clearing the drive, it’s his Dad….

Photos: dievca Midwest 12/2020

seems appropriate

RE/Done ‘Just Bring Wine’ Tee $125

Actually, it’s not desperate.
dievca’s Mom had a bath at Noon (it takes two people) and that wiped her out until dievca woke her at 4:55 pm. Why 4:55 pm? Because her Mom insisted that Jane Eyre would be on TV  at 5:00 pm…  Yes, it was on – because dievca downloaded it onto the tablet from Amazon Prime.
(dievca’s brother canceled cable TV)

dievca fed her Mom dinner and watched the 2011 version with her – good acting, but it is a sad movie.

Big Band Music to pick up the mood while getting Mom ready for bed and now dievca is seeking wine.
There is no wine to be had ~ hence the appropriate t-shirt graphic.
(Wine is on the grocery list for tomorrow.) 😉


Country Roads and Coffee (Westsylvania)

As dievca is making her way through Western PA via I 80, Coffee and John Denver are making the drive a bit easier. Too bad her acapella version doesn’t sound like this:

By the way, did you know that Pittsburgh was almost a part of West Virginia?

In the years before the American Revolutionary War (1775–1783), the jurisdiction of the region west of the Allegheny Mountains around Pittsburgh and along the Ohio River had been disputed between the British colonies of Virginia and Pennsylvania. The Mason-Dixon line, which officially established the border between Pennsylvania and Maryland, would have also settled the Virginia-Pennsylvania boundary dispute, but the surveying of the final miles of the Mason-Dixon line was abandoned in 1767 and would not be completed until 1784. In the early 1770s, it was therefore unclear whether Pittsburgh and its environs were in Pennsylvania or Virginia. Both colonies proceeded as if they had a better claim to the area. Virginia administered the region as the District of West Augusta, while in Pennsylvania it was considered a part of Westmoreland County.

Complicating this border dispute were the vast land claims of the Ohio Company of Virginia and the Indiana Land Company along the Ohio River. The two companies combined forces in 1769 to create the Grand Ohio Company with the intention of creating a colony known as Vandalia, which would have had similar borders to Westsylvania had it been recognized. The outbreak of the American Revolutionary War effectively brought an end to the efforts to establish Vandalia.


Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho! a Winter’s drive I go~

Vintage Canada 1940s Car and Snow

Hitting the Highway and Thinking of You!

dievca’s Mom kept getting anonymous postcards from around the country when she was a young gal. The tagline on each of them was the phrase above. She never found out who sent them.

So, dievca is hitting the highway and making her way to her Momma. Her Mom might not last too long, so now is the time. she’s bringing that black Burberry Cashmere coat she bought when the Hudson Yards Neiman Marcus closed (September) – her Mom was asking to see it.
Once a Style Maven – always a Style Maven.
dievca has so many clothes she would love to share with her Mom – her Mom isn’t tracking too well. That’s why the Burberry coat request, as ridiculous as it seems, is very important.

OK, hitting the highway and thinking of you. XO

Burberry 100% Cashmere Hoodie Overcoat $3590

Cashmere Turtleneck Sweater black

I.am.Gia black cargo pants

ACNE Studios Plaid Scarf

Cougar Pillow Boots

Smartwool Black Grey Socks

Portolano Black Cashmere mittens

Ray-Ban Clubmaster Sunglasses

San Diego Hat Co. Bomber black


Losing Days~

dievca’s having a moment, time to flashback with the band New Order – Shellshock

Moving into this:

And down the Youtube Rabbit Hole.
Not going to help with losing days.


Pearls of Wisdom – a quest

dievca’s Mom had a lovely little Tahitian pearl ring for years that she wore on her pinky. She had gotten it from dievca’s Dad when they went on a trip to Hawaii and left the kids with their Slovak Grandparents. Umm, it was a moment when Grandma made cow’s brains and tried to pass them off as scrambled eggs….dievca was 5 years old and still remembers ~

Anyways,
dievca’s Mom lost the lovely green pearl ring.

So, dievca has randomly looked for a replacement on and off throughout the years.
Her latest search started here:

Round! the shape of the pearl should be round.

That knocked this beauty out of contention.

And this one has an asymmetrical setting – nope. 

The color of the pearl Mom lost was black-green:

On this one the setting is too high, the pearl is too grey:

dievca was concerned with the quality of the pearl, but not too worried about it.

The green of this pearl is nice and the 14K white gold pops, but that setting is very intricate.

dievca loved this ring, but it was very expensive- from Denmark and not a good replacement for the lost ring.

Again, an interesting setting – but rose gold? Limiting.

So, as dievca was looking at various rings on eBay, the RealReal, Jewelers, etc – she realized that it is hard to find a smaller Tahitian pearl. They run more consistently in the 11 and 12 mm range. dievca was aiming for 8 or 9 mm.

 

So, the criteria  loosely became:

  • Round Pearl
  • 8mm
  • Green color
  • Lower profile setting
  • Silver-colored band
  • Symmetrical band

Voila!

David Yurman Petite Tahitian Ring Sterling Silver 18K gold Neiman Marcus $495

There are a number of this David Yurman ring out there on the web, but the pearls run from grey to blue and settings are holding a larger pearl. dievca found hers on eBay with an 8mm dark green pearl – it came from a southern Jewelry store.

Not quite Mom’s ring, but Master loves it.

Pearls are organic gemstones that are vulnerable to acid, alkaline and extremes of humidity. To preserve your pearls’ radiance, avoid letting them come into contact with cosmetics, hair spray, or perfume. Always put on your jewelry as a final touch, after applying make-up and styling hair.
The pearl’s lustre can also be harmed by perspiration. To prevent this, before returning your pearls to the jewelry box, wipe them gently with a soft cloth.


I love my Mother, I love my Mother…

Give me the damn coffee!

~You get by with a little help from your friend~


On the Road, again.


Actually, the rental car is new and running very well.

Travel across was very easy.
Packing food was a good idea and I’d like to give a “shout” out to Ohio for the best rest stops.
Clean, spacious — amazing.
BTW – gasoline prices ranged from $1.99 to $1.15 per gallon – east to west.

Something interesting to note – the further away from NYC, the more lax people are about COVID-19.
Yes, it makes sense when your area has 180 deaths versus the 13,168 in NYC.
But seeing 65+-year-olds without masks and gloves in a Wal-Mart really stressed me out.

BTW – it was confirmed post-mortem that Dad’s death was not COVID-19.
Why do the test?
So, the Hospice nurses who neglected Dad would come back for Mom’s appointments.
still salty bout that

As for my Mom?
My Mom has blown through the stages of Grief and is getting ready to blow through them, again.
She is eating and sleeping well, for me at least.
Yesterday would have been Mom and Dad’s 66th Wedding Anniversary.

OK – as you read this, I am back in the car – starting Day 2 of the return trip.
Drive Safe!
Ciao~
XO