My Dad died.
I could hear the death rattle while video chatting with my Mother – trying to think of every humorous or lovely moment with Dad and other family members to distract her. Dad was gasping for air. 99% sure it wasn’t COVID-19, the Speech Therapist said that as Dad lost swallowing capabilities – food/water would go down the wrong pipe, and pneumonia would set in. It did. Hospice wouldn’t come unless Dad was tested…Dad wasn’t going anywhere to get tested.
It didn’t end ugly.
I can Thank our amazing careworkers, morphine, my brother, and the great-grandkids for that. I wouldn’t have called the kids in time to say, ‘good-bye’ – they are all under 7 years old – Dad was such a mess I thought it would terrify their dreams. My brother called and they all trooped over (6+ of them) to see Dad with little masks and gloves.
He passed out Tootsie Pops.
Turned over and died in the chaos with Mom on his shoulder and holding hands with the chain of kids.
That thought sustains me more than the painful video call earlier. Dad would do anything for a kid. Kill himself for a kid. Works for me. Thank Goodness my brother called in the troops. A better way to go.
So, will the kids have bad dreams? I don’t know.
I just know that as I look at my hands which are the same shape as my Dad’s,
I am really craving a red Tootsie Pop.
Dad has been swallowing food.
But can he handle liquids without them going down the wrong pipe?
It’s interesting to watch.
The difference between having a feeding tube or not.
Isn’t the Human Body amazing?
It’s hard to hold onto your “mad” when your Dad calls and says,
“Be patient with me. I’m sorry and I love you.”
irritable.“he was tired and crotchety
Urban Dictionary TOP DEFINITION
An adjective used to describe an old person. More specifically, someone who seems to hate life in their “golden years” and feels the need to take it out on others.
It was a rough Sunday:
An Amazon package arrived at my Parents and I got a phone call.
I bought Dad a 5# weight bar from Amazon.
I bought him safety handles for the toilet from Amazon.
I bought him non-slip strips for the shower from Amazon.
I bought him what the OT (Occupational Therapist) and Nurse told me to buy.
And he was pissed.
I said, “I am so sorry that you feel like you are losing control, I just bought what the nurse and OT asked me to buy so you would have it available.”
He kept stuttering and yelling, so I just said “good-bye” and hung up.
(Thinking, NO, you cannot use the bathroom door handle to help you get off the toilet.)
But, I guess it’s ok that I bought my Mom pee-pee pads from Amazon. I didn’t ask.
As I was feeling so tired and defeated from the week, travel, work headaches, plus my Brother and, now, my Dad – I received a gorgeous text from my Sister-In-Law:
“Dear, dear dievca. Thank you for all of your efforts. We just got the 3rd call from Dad in 10 minutes. My husband is laughing that you are never ever going to come home again.”
“(insert my last name) males are tough.”
Amazing what a simple text can do~
So, like, do you think I should buy that book (above) for Dad and ship it from Amazon?
Umm, I’m not doing so well at this elderly parent thing – no Catholic heaven for me, huh?
Hope your Monday is better than my Sunday – hell, it can’t be any worse.
Bloody Mary, anyone?
Families are interesting.
I flew back, late last night, and went into work early. My Dad is responsible for his morning and evening feedings, but they are trickier with grinding the pills (liquid forms are not available for everything) – so we “pre-grind”. That’s fine until Dad spills the cup of the dissolved meds. No extra am pills ground and a med that needs to be kept in the system isn’t taken. I’m no longer there to help, and the home aid doesn’t come until 4 hours later, and my sibling who lives there doesn’t see the importance or urgency.
Yeah, I was in a panic. And my sibling made me cry. What’s the point of killing yourself to get your Dad out of the hospital only to fail at home?
All this while I was walking in loveliness.
I breathed deep to smell the blossoms – it helped.
Do you think it’s the 15 year difference in age? Or an oldest/youngest issue? Mind you, I’m the youngest – almost like an “only”. Can I have a drink at 9 am? Something more than a mimosa?
tired and the day just started dievča
Photos: dievca 05/2018
My Dad made it home. So what if he has to be a “tubie”, he’s walking better, cognitive skills are excellent, can do everything that is important – heck, we can’t ask for anything more. Dad went into the hospital on his Birthday and he made it home for his Anniversary. 62 years – May Day! Mom’s skinny as a toothpick, but she is holding up, too.
Me? I’m pooped (tired). It was a long day of squeezing in work, NYC traffic, flight, rental car, drive, learning the tube feeding process and fighting with the pharmacy. Add Dad getting on me that it’s garbage day tomorrow — yeah, that brain is doing just fine~
But the Sunset after a lovely 71 F (22 C) day? Amazing!
That extra shine is the sun hitting the water of a lake.
All-in-all, a very good day.
Photo: dievca 04/2018
1.) Feeding tube in stomach and go to rehab place.
2.) Feeding tube in stomach and full-time nurse at home.
3.) No feeding tube. Hospice in home.
I’m pretty sure some of you have been here, or somewhere close, before.
“You know those young doctors – “well, he’s 87 and had a good Life”, they don’t care unless it’s their Dad. Then she walked in, a Geriatric Doctor, slightly older and she didn’t understand why she hadn’t been called earlier.” – dievca’s brother
There is a Geriatric Doctor?
There are two seizure meds?
It may be one too many?
Might be causing the drowsiness?
Removal might help with………..swallowing……..
And the game changes. We will see~ Crossing fingers. Knocking wood.
Seniors over age 85 are the fastest-growing segment of the population. If you or any of your loved ones are over 65, being treated by a geriatrician can make all the difference. Geriatricians are primary care doctors who have had additional training in the health care needs of older people.
PS. The staff of the facility where dievca’s Dad is being treated has been stellar. Sometimes pieces and people get tangled, you learn as you go. Sometimes you don’t know the right questions to ask – but dievca is keeping notes for herself, Master, family, etc. None of us are getting any younger.
Flying in, I hear that the anti-seizure drip kicked in – much better than having to make a breathing tube decision. Especially when your Dad emphatically stated “no tubes”…
I arrive and drive straight to the hospital. It’s 9:30 pm on a Saturday in the Midwest, the emergency room is almost empty and I have to wander through a labyrinth to find the Neuro ICU.
…arriving to someone who can open his eyes and someone who can’t get their words out, but knows where the toilet is and gets the message across clearly by sliding to the edge of the bed, then stands/walks (shuffles) with moderate+ help and does the bm business well in a semi-private mode. (my Dad will kill himself not to use a pan, apparently) Things are looking up!
It reminds me of M being sick and being so happy when he had a moment, too. It’s a basic action in Life that sets the tune for self-care in sickness and in health.
non-sexual gratification via scat
Now, as I look out on 6+ inches (15.2 cm) of new snow and drinking coffee, I’m devising a plan for getting my Mom “with it”.
Argh! I just realized it’s still snowing. OMG, my Dad still has my snowblower from when I lived in the Midwest. Time to ask for neighborly help with clearing the driveway.
dievca’s reference to “scat play” is something she and Master are not into – but BM’s are a part of our health and something dievca is learning to be fascinated with in regards to health….a fact of a healthy Life.
If you were curious about scat play in regards to BDSM, here’s information via Wiki:
Coprophilia (from Greek κόπρος, kópros—excrement and φιλία, philía—liking, fondness), also called scatophilia or scat (Greek: σκατά, skatá-feces),
is the paraphilia involving sexual arousal and pleasure from feces. In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), published by the American Psychiatric Association, it is classified under 302.89 – Paraphilia NOS (Not Otherwise Specified) and has no diagnostic criteria other than a general statement about paraphilias that says “the diagnosis is made if the behavior, sexual urges, or fantasies cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning”. Furthermore, the DSM-IV-TR notes, “Fantasies, behaviors, or objects are paraphilic only when they lead to clinically significant distress or impairment (e.g. are obligatory, result in sexual dysfunction, require participation of non-consenting people, lead to legal complications, interfere with social relationships)”.
Although there may be no connection between coprophilia and sadomasochism (SM), the limited data on the former comes from studies of the latter. A study of 164 men in Finland from two SM clubs found that 18.2% had engaged in coprophilia; 3% as a sadist, 6.1% as a masochist, and 9.1% as both. 18% of heterosexuals and 17% of homosexuals in the study pool had tried coprophilia, showing no statistically significant difference between heterosexuals and homosexuals. In a separate article analyzing 12 men who engaged in bestiality, an additional analysis of an 11-man subgroup revealed that 6 had engaged in coprophilic behavior, compared with only 1 in the matched control group consisting of 12 SM-oriented males who did not engage in bestiality.
I am afraid that I am going to babble to you the next few days. It’s my way of pushing through and letting off steam. This release helps minimize my explosion of upset emotions about Dad. The meltdown will come, the good news is that you will probably be in India by then~
Airline ticket – check ($400)
Dial 7 – check ($29)
Rental Car – check ($97)
Maybe I was born in Missouri instead of Illinois~
I know I’ve said this, but I NEED to say it, again.
I have amazing friends. You included. I don’t feel alone.
Well, here we go.
He could live or he could die and I don’t have any control over the results.
Let me be calm and breathe.
This is why I kept going back so many times, I have nothing left to say – it has all been said.
My Dad knows I love him and I know he loves me.
But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.
who else will give me hell and tell me that I am out of the will? d.