dievca is worried about this happening at Christmas dinner:
But she has fantastic friends, so dinner should be more elegant:
It doesn’t matter as long as everyone feels welcome and enjoys themselves.
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah!
from dievca’s home to yours
Quote from 'It's a Wonderful Life'
Its still Warm in ATL
Thursday through Sunday
82-89 F (28-32 C) with 50% Humidity.
dievca is planning on this:
Adding a wrap for the church and the evening chill:
Something to dance in:
With gold accessories:
Feeling a bit Pretty in Pink
“True friends are like bright sunflowers that never fade away, even over distance and time.”
Marie Williams Johnstone
An unexpected pleasure in the middle of NYC. dievca grew up with a neighbor who grew large sunflowers in their backyard – it is a childhood pleasure to see one. There is a second sunflower that is so heavy with seeds, the head is drooping.
Killing time while waiting for a friend to fly into Lisbon…dievca wandered Oriente.
Photos: dievca Lisbon - Oriente 08/2019
Twisted, cobblestone streets add to the intimacy of sharing a flat with three people. One of which had no luggage arrive. Shared clothes and underpinnings (new Bjorn Borg underwear passed along permanently) – after a shower… The plan for the evening:
First Portuguese Football Match of the Season, Liga NOS
Benfica vs. Pacos Ferreira – Benfica won 5- 0
Great stadium, fun crowd, uneven teams, awkward yet passionate cheerleaders.
From a past Life, dievca still tries to catch a soccer match while traveling for the flavor of a city.
Photos: dievca, Lisbon Portugal 08/2019
Life is about Ups and Downs.
You need the rain to appreciate the sunshine – etc., etc., etc.
It’s been a weird year for me:
- College Best Friend passed away
- College Roommate passed away.
- Close friend passed away (85), last night
- Parents getting stronger with help.
- My body is apparently quite healthy.
It was interesting finding the 85-year-old friend, last evening. She passed away on her bed – having a lie-down. She looked very Zen.
She was having some unidentified health challenges.
FDNY, NYPD, a Detective, the ME, the morgue all trooped through the small apartment. All polite, kind and working to the best of their abilities. NYPD had to seal the apartment because there wasn’t a spouse or roommate. The apartment will be opened up after the courts allow it…..paperwork.
Here I thought it would be my Parents to move on — with all their challenges. Instead, it was a lovely elderly friend who lived her Life on her own terms.
I’m sad, yet happy she moved on in a peaceful way.
The rain with the sun shining through.
Some things are lost in translation. dievca understands that…converting from one language to another is tricky. Appropriate behavior is cultural. But, “using” someone is something else. dievca has a young person in her Life, from Europe, she has known for many years. This young person separated from a long-term partner (8 years) and came running to dievca in NYC for regrouping.
Deciding whether you are a Lesbian or Straight takes a more “open” atmosphere.
In the following 6 months, she has been back 3 times. Twice staying with dievca 9+ days.
dievca has a pullout bed in the middle of her open kitchen/living space. The logistics get awkward after too long.
fish and visitors stink after three days
dievca had a discussion with her about finding her own spaces if she continues to visit NYC. This trip, the young’un stayed elsewhere – but showed up on dievca’s doorstep to eat….bringing friends….expecting dievca to have food.
Which is why dievca ran into that coffee sign, above. After buying fresh fruit and pastries (the easy way to prep for a Brunch) – the sign made her smile, take a deep breath. get rid of her ire and grab a cappuccino.
Yes, there was offer of payment for the meals. It was half-hearted, but there. And the young’un thinks of dievca as a second Mother. mi casa es su casa
dievca decided to make the young’un pay via in trade. Grunt work. Get your pound of flesh via hard work. The apartment is clean, windows washed, boxes are moved to storage, dievca’s eyebrows are groomed, her make-up sorted and updated with instructions.
dievca is no longer irritated with her friend/daughter/houseguest/whatever. she’s really a sweet person and dievca got her pound of flesh.
But, dievca will be happy to have her coffee in peace, for the near future.
PS. Master’s opinion is that dievca is being used…
A most beautiful friend died yesterday.
I got to see her, say “I love you” and hold her hand before she moved on.
I’m hoping that she was able to float out on the next plane, blissing out, losing her pain.
“I used to know a blissed-out hippie-chick in Baltimore,” recalled Byrne in the liner notes of Once in a Lifetime: The Best of Talking Heads. “She once told me that she used to do acid (the drug, not music) and lay down on the field by the Yoo-hoo chocolate soda factory. Flying out of her body, etc etc. It seemed like such a tacky kind of transcendence… but it was real! A new kind of religion being born out of heaps of rusted cars and fast food joints. And this girl was flying above it all, but in it too.”
Then as I thought about it more — I think that my friend would prefer to leave you with this:
Me? I’m firmly on the ground.
Sharing with a Friend.
(Or making one for your Master or Mistress.)
Photos: dievca NYC Chelsea Market 10/2018
Years ago, dievca had a discussion with one of her male Graduate School pals
about what a Woman looked sexiest in.
The sweet Midwestern boy immediately answered, “a sun dress”.
That has stuck in dievca’s mind.
Jason Wu references the Hotel Esencia for his latest capsule collection – the striped patterns are inspired by the chairs that line its beaches. Recently spotted on Tina Leung, this cotton-poplin dress has a close-fitting bodice that’s gently twisted and is balanced by a fluid A-line skirt. You’ll love that it’s cleverly designed with discreet slant pockets and wide grosgrain straps that will easily hide your bra.
– Ivory and black cotton-poplin, black grosgrain
– Concealed hook and zip fastening at back
– 100% cotton; trim: 50% cotton, 50% viscose
– Dry clean
Something a little easier for dievca to wear, presenting for Master in public.
Easier than nude with the LARGE hat.
Temperatures in Europe are spiking.
After a long week of work, what do you do?
You head to friends and sit in the brown garden.
Take a beer and have “build your own” tacos.
Life is good with friends.
(yes, it was a light beer to start….the Czech beer was better)
PS. dievca’s hair looks like that popcorn~
dievca has learned that her make-up technique just needed some tweaking and you need to build it up for photos because you lose 50%. she also learned that her face is not model material – but it is kind and children love it. (Or maybe that is just her personality coming out — boys, of all ages, tend to love dievca)
dievca also learned that you want your face to be the largest item for the camera, so you don’t push your pelvis forward or stick you hip out to the camera. (she does this all the time…)
dievca learned that good friends giggling with you makes the process easier. And the people watching you appreciate and smile when they know you are having fun. Taking photos with friends in them are more natural.
dievca learned that her friend is a really good make-up artist and photographer.
dievca learned that she…is beautiful.
(A lot of learning going on)
Charlotte Olympia Camera Bag
June Gloom is a Southern California term for a weather pattern that results in cloudy, overcast skies with cool temperatures during the late spring and early summer. … On a strong June Gloom day, the clouds and fog may extend inland to the valleys and Inland Empire and may persist into the mid-afternoon or evening.
Go figure~ this is the time dievca can take a quick jaunt to visit friends in CA. she wanted to park it on the beach….but she’s been told it isn’t the best time.
This is quite annoying since the weather in NYC has been heavily gloomy, too. With dievca’s luck, NYC weather will be gorgeous and CA a mess. Ah, well. At least she is out of the City.
HAH! dievca’s plane arrived 45 minutes early,
her luggage was the first off the plane
and the WEATHER IS AWESOME!
Dragonflies, normal come out in the heat of Summer and we are not there, yet. But, dievca ran into Dragonfly Green at Lululemon. and she will use the pieces through the heat of the summer.
dievca gets to Lululemon, once, every 6 months. This time she went with a friend who is obsessed with Lulu gear. They spent an hour + in the store.
dievca had to buy this bra, for three reasons:
- It fits her well
- Her Grandma on the Slovak side was infamous for stashing items in her bra. dievca will laugh every time she wears it.
- The color looks good on dievca.
Now, if she can get it together to add make-up. Doubt it.
dievca’s friend was kind enough to stay an hour+ in Anthropologie, afterward, but that is for another post. They made their way to a party by NYU and gobbled up some ramen afterward (Ramen Takumi). As dievca’s friend was walking back to her car and dievca was starting to look for a cab, they spotted this in a florist’s window:
Beautiful, huh? Maybe something for dievca’s bedroom. By the way, the peonies are out!
Sometimes you have to stop and honor the moment:
A moment of Joy.
A moment of Appreciation.
A moment of being Treasured.
A moment of Friendship.
Yesterday contained all four:
Spending time with Master.
Master’s laser focus.
Sharing food with friends.
Friends laughing and sharing with me.
The day with Master and the evening with friends who didn’t want to leave.
Can’t ask for anything more.
Time to treasure these memories for when times are lean.
Enjoy your day.
May a good memory be made for you.
I am afraid that I am going to babble to you the next few days. It’s my way of pushing through and letting off steam. This release helps minimize my explosion of upset emotions about Dad. The meltdown will come, the good news is that you will probably be in India by then~
Airline ticket – check ($400)
Dial 7 – check ($29)
Rental Car – check ($97)
Maybe I was born in Missouri instead of Illinois~
I know I’ve said this, but I NEED to say it, again.
I have amazing friends. You included. I don’t feel alone.
Well, here we go.
He could live or he could die and I don’t have any control over the results.
Let me be calm and breathe.
This is why I kept going back so many times, I have nothing left to say – it has all been said.
My Dad knows I love him and I know he loves me.
But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.
who else will give me hell and tell me that I am out of the will? d.
Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.
(Coleman, Andrew (2008). A Dictionary of Psychology (3 ed.). Oxford University Press)
- Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others.
- The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving
- The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.
(Psychology Today definition)
Psychologists Jack Mayer and Peter Salovey introduced the concept of emotional intelligence, or EI, in the early 1990s. Since then, a cottage industry has grown up around the notion, spawning business workshops, self-help books and school programs.
But even the field’s originators are divided about whether EI can be taught: Salovey thinks so; Mayer thinks not.
Like cognitive intelligence, Mayer believes EI is primarily shaped by genes and early experiences. Salovey agrees that like musical talent, EI is partially innate but he argues, “I’m optimistic that people can learn a richer emotional vocabulary and that they can self-regulate emotions better.”
Salovey, the dean of Yale College, points to high school programs that teach students social skills, impulse control and anger management. One program operated by the New Haven, Connecticut, public schools’ social development department can point to lower dropout rates and a decrease in violence since its inception, over a decade ago.
(Darbie Saxbe, PhD)
If you subscribe to the idea that EI can be taught or at least worked on (dievca believes that if you are at least aware of your emotions — that changes them.)
Here are 10 Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence:
- Don’t interrupt or change the subject, when you are facing your emotions
- Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly.
- See if you can find connections between your feelings and other times you have felt the same way.
- Connect your feelings with your thoughts.
- Listen to your body.
- If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else.
- Tune in to your unconscious feelings.
- Ask yourself: How do I feel today?
- Write thoughts and feelings down.
- Know when enough is enough. There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when its time to shift your focus outward.
(Norman Rosenthal, MD)
- DO see the bigger picture; broaden your perspective. Is my view narrow and not seeing all the pieces?
- DO shift from me to us. What is happening with you is not the only factor, what is going on with other people? Who else is involved?
- DO ask yourself why. Why am I bothered or hurt by this person or situation? Is there someway I can change it or look at it differently? Am I missing information?
- DON’T limit interpretations to all bad or all good. Admit something might have gone wrong, but look for the positives in the awkward situation.
- DON’T conclude that another’s behavior or mood is in direct response to you and/or your actions. OK, short tempers and poor behavior are not always caused by me, there could be other factors causing issues – what might they be? Or, just let me keep out-of-the-way for today.
- DON’T magnify negative events in your life and discount positive ones. If something went wrong, it is not the end. Determined what caused the problem and adjust. Take any positive situations and build upon them.
- DON’T conclude that what you feel must be the truth and that it’s permanent. Failing is not forever. There is always some type of chance to succeed in the future and what you see/feel might not be as bad as you think. Try to step back an analyze your feelings clearly.
(Umeda Islamova: workingmomsagainst guilt.com – modified by dievca)
Mathew Lieberman at UCLA has done some interesting research on emotion recognition, and apparently, if you can name a troubling emotion, you can immediately calm yourself and your brain down.
Studies have shown that people with high EI have greater mental health, exemplary job performance, and more potent leadership skills although no causal relationship has been shown.
(Debbie Hampton: The Best Brain Possible and Karla McLaren, M.Ed.)
Emotional intelligence, however, is not agreeableness. It is not optimism. It is not happiness. It is not calmness. It is not motivation. Such qualities, although important, have little to do with intelligence, little to do with emotions, and nearly nothing to do with actual emotional intelligence. It is especially unfortunate that even some trained psychologists have confused emotional intelligence with such personal qualities.
(John D. Mayer, PhD – University of New Hampshire)
Why is dievca on this topic? she, herself, scores very high on emotional intelligence, but she wanted to know if people in her Life who don’t have as high emotional intelligence can learn or if it is just a lost cause. dievca believes it is like anything in Life, if someone wants to change – they will work towards change with or without help. If someone doesn’t see a problem, any value or wish to change — all the analysis and talk in the World will fall on deaf ears. In dievca’s case…the person doesn’t see any problem. So, dievca will just leave it alone, even though she believes that EI can be learned and would make that person’s Life better.
Not dievca’s problem………………………………………………..
You have many sisters,
and I have none.
You connected with me,
and off we run.
Let me say I love you.
And, I Thank you.
dievca has one friend who knows about her BDSM leanings and she accepts dievca without question. Even when she gets a little uncomfortable. That is love.
We all have friends who always have something bad happen to them. Over and over.They are like Pig Pen in the Peanuts Comic Strip – a black cloud follows them, wherever they go.
Why does this happen to some people?
They are good people, they work hard, they try to do what is right.
Why do they get more bad breaks in Life?
Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
Everyone gets a bad break, now and then.
Life is known to throw you a bad turn or two — but for most people, not one after another.
And not for almost every major decision.
What is going on?
Even though this friend plays by the rules, she avoids things that are uncomfortable and doesn’t show emotion. she holds everything in and doesn’t think through her World fully. She is highly intelligent and assumes her Cognitive Intelligence is enough to give her the correct answers. This creates a bubble that doesn’t allow her to view all the information about people or situations. Her view is not very large, nor flexible and of low emotional intelligence. Add desperation to reach ideals that she has wanted in her mind: Men, Babies, Family, Work Goals, Owning Property, Marriage, etc. The results don’t always go as planned….on almost everything.
Hence, the black cloud of constant surprise and drama.
“Poor so-and-so, she’s always running into bad breaks.”
She doesn’t handle things in a timely, direct and informed way.
The friend isn’t aware that avoiding conflict just creates a larger issues later. She is completely surprised when her cognitive intelligence didn’t tell her true. She doesn’t realize that a decision made without forethought might bite you in the behind. That being emotionally savvy could give her more insight to how relationships (personal and business) might function. The act (or non-act) of not sharing information and being so private, limits your information flow and can cause bad decisions. Cold logic doesn’t always work.
dievca does love and appreciate this friend, but the poor decisions and drama get old. Same crap, different situation, different day.
The good news? Though dievca’s friend is older, she has latched on to a man who is into saving people. He likes to be the Knight in White Shining Armor and solve everyone’s problems (maybe to avoid his own? …no matter). Maybe this gentleman can help her make better decisions. dievca just hopes it doesn’t get old for him. she doesn’t want to see the friend back on her doorstop any time soon. Too much drama.
dievca is guilty of this… on the personal level.
The worse something gets, the quieter she gets…
or she hides behind babble about inconsequential things.
People don’t want to deal with angst, just Joy.
Then she explodes.
When that happens, it’s not pretty.
It comes from taking care of everyone else and putting her needs last.
If an opportunity for dievca to air out her issues arrives,
she panics and becomes tongue-tied.
The focus is rarely on her, so she doesn’t know what to do.
Because of that everyone assumes that strong dievca is fine…
she is just fine.
If someone would just take a moment to notice that dievca has asked for a meeting,
a conversation, or time…and they would be patient, a little pushy for more information and pay attention – they would notice that she’s hit her limit.
Instead, she walks away, simmers and explodes.
And it’s ugly.
What is Life telling me?
I’ve been pondering relationships and friendships. I haven’t lost/dropped a friend since High School. I’ve been looking at who is healthy for me or not….and I get this in my e-mail.
A female friend may appear to be upset with you, dievca, and might not be inclined to admit it. If you ask what’s wrong, she’ll probably say “nothing.” There’s nothing you can do but use your intuition, deduce what’s bothering her and then try to make it up to her in some way. However, you might want to re-evaluate your friendship with this person. She’s probably too uncommunicative. The term “acquaintance” might suit her better than friend.
Is God talking to me?
David Bowie, unknowingly, got me through the awkwardness of High School. I could listen, dream and grow without worrying what he thought of me. He was strange and strong. I realized I could be strange and strong. I call upon him, again, as I consider making changes in my Life.
You stated there had to be change.
My Life is so fluid and dynamic, daily, I just looked at you in confusion.
I live and breathe change.
So make the changes.
No stranger to constant frenetic activity, I can stop and start on a dime.
Child-like, I thought if things were going to change between two logical people — the changes would be for the better and require all parties to give up something.
So I stepped right up, in good faith, without missing a beat and found myself given less time, less attention, less quality experiences, less respect, less manners, less sharing, just less….but I kept giving of myself, then even more when I saw it was needed.
Finally, I asked, what did I get from these changes?
I seem to be left standing with almost nothing.
If I ask you, can you tell me what I gained?
There was something of value, in the past.
But it seems to have disappeared with the changes~
You know what? I really need to think on this…..
As David Bowie’s “Changes” plays in my head:
Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for
And my time was runnin’ wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse of
How the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test
Turn and face the strange
Don’t want to be a richer man
Turn and face the strange
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Mmm, yeah I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through
Turn and face the strange
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Turn and face the strange
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinatin’
Ah, changes are takin’
The pace I’m goin’ through
Turn and face the strange
Oh, look out you rock ‘n’ rollers
Turn and face the strange
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Lyrics © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC , Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, TINTORETTO MUSIC
Yesterday, was something I have done a multitude of times
It was different for you, so it became different for me
The payment was slightly heavier on my end, but that was OK
The conversation centered around you, you had a busy day
The little bit about me was a repeat, I guess you had not listened
We moved on early, making sure you were safely into the evening
I was left lonely, feeling like an obligation met but not considered
All about you, none about me
I ended up hurt, missing time that was very precious
Wrapped in your own world, you did not see my disappointment
I tried to sleep it away, but now I am up at three.