the rub of the green

(click photo for link to Dragonfly Symbolism)

Lululemon Swifty Tech Tee

Dragonflies, normal come out in the heat of Summer and we are not there, yet. But, dievca ran into Dragonfly Green at Lululemon. and she will use the pieces through the heat of the summer. 

dievca gets to Lululemon, once, every 6 months. This time she went with a friend who is obsessed with Lulu gear. They spent an hour + in the store.

dievca had to buy this bra, for three reasons:

Lululemon Stash and Run Brareasons:

  1. It fits her well
  2. Her Grandma on the Slovak side was infamous for stashing items in her bra. dievca will laugh every time she wears it.
  3. The color looks good on dievca.

Now, if she can get it together to add make-up. Doubt it.

make up geek color swatch

dievca’s friend was kind enough to stay an hour+ in Anthropologie, afterward, but that is for another post. They made their way to a party by NYU and gobbled up some ramen afterward (Ramen Takumi). As dievca’s friend was walking back to her car and dievca was starting to look for a cab, they spotted this in a florist’s window:

Beautiful, huh? Maybe something for dievca’s bedroom.  By the way, the peonies are out!


Can’t ask for anything more~

Sometimes you have to stop and honor the moment:
A moment of Joy.
A moment of Appreciation.
A moment of being Treasured.
A moment of Friendship.

Yesterday contained all four:
Spending time with Master.
Master’s laser focus.
Sharing food with friends.
Friends laughing and sharing with me.

The day with Master and the evening with friends who didn’t want to leave.
Can’t ask for anything more.

Time to treasure these memories for when times are lean.

Enjoy your day.
May a good memory be made for you.


But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.

M.
I am afraid that I am going to babble to you the next few days. It’s my way of pushing through and letting off steam.  This release helps minimize my explosion of upset emotions about Dad. The meltdown will come, the good news is that you will probably be in India by then~

Airline ticket – check ($400)
Dial 7 – check ($29)
Rental Car – check ($97)

I feel like I won’t know anything until I see Dad with my own two eyes.
Maybe I was born in Missouri instead of Illinois~

I know I’ve said this, but I NEED to say it, again.
I have amazing friends. You included. I don’t feel alone.

Well, here we go.
He could live or he could die and I don’t have any control over the results.
Let me be calm and breathe.

This is why I kept going back so many times, I have nothing left to say – it has all been said.

My Dad knows I love him and I know he loves me.

But if he goes…I am going to miss him fiercely.

who else will give me hell and tell me that I am out of the will? d.


Can it be taught? and why bother….

Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.
(Coleman, Andrew (2008). A Dictionary of Psychology (3 ed.). Oxford University Press)


  1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others.
  2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

(Psychology Today definition)


Psychologists Jack Mayer and Peter Salovey introduced the concept of emotional intelligence, or EI, in the early 1990s. Since then, a cottage industry has grown up around the notion, spawning business workshops, self-help books and school programs.

But even the field’s originators are divided about whether EI can be taught: Salovey thinks so; Mayer thinks not.

Like cognitive intelligence, Mayer believes EI is primarily shaped by genes and early experiences. Salovey agrees that like musical talent, EI is partially innate but he argues, “I’m optimistic that people can learn a richer emotional vocabulary and that they can self-regulate emotions better.”

Salovey, the dean of Yale College, points to high school programs that teach students social skills, impulse control and anger management. One program operated by the New Haven, Connecticut, public schools’ social development department can point to lower dropout rates and a decrease in violence since its inception, over a decade ago.
(Darbie Saxbe, PhD)

If you subscribe to the idea that EI can be taught or at least worked on (dievca believes that if you are at least aware of your emotions — that changes them.)

Here are 10 Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence:

  1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject, when you are facing your emotions
  2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly.
  3. See if you can find connections between your feelings and other times you have felt the same way.
  4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts.
  5. Listen to your body.
  6. If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else.
  7. Tune in to your unconscious feelings.
  8. Ask yourself: How do I feel today?
  9. Write thoughts and feelings down.
  10. Know when enough is enough. There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when its time to shift your focus outward.

(Norman Rosenthal, MD)

Emotional do’s

  • DO see the bigger picture; broaden your perspective. Is my view narrow and not seeing all the pieces?
  • DO shift from me to us. What is happening with you is not the only factor, what is going on with other people? Who else is involved?
  • DO ask yourself why. Why am I bothered or hurt by this person or situation? Is there someway I can change it or look at it differently? Am I missing information? 

Emotional don’ts

  • DON’T limit interpretations to all bad or all good.  Admit something might have gone wrong, but look for the positives in the awkward situation.
  • DON’T conclude that another’s behavior or mood is in direct response to you and/or your actions.  OK, short tempers and poor behavior are not always caused by me, there could be other factors causing issues – what might they be? Or, just let me keep out-of-the-way for today.
  • DON’T magnify negative events in your life and discount positive ones.  If something went wrong, it is not the end. Determined what caused the problem and adjust. Take any positive situations and build upon them.
  • DON’T conclude that what you feel must be the truth and that it’s permanent.  Failing is not forever.  There is always some type of chance to succeed in the future and what you see/feel might not be as bad as you think. Try to step back an analyze your feelings clearly. 

(Umeda Islamova: workingmomsagainst guilt.com – modified by dievca)

Mathew Lieberman at UCLA has done some interesting research on emotion recognition, and apparently, if you can name a troubling emotion, you can immediately calm yourself and your brain down.

Why Bother?

Studies have shown that people with high EI have greater mental health, exemplary job performance, and more potent leadership skills although no causal relationship has been shown.
(Debbie Hampton: The Best Brain Possible and Karla McLaren, M.Ed.)

Emotional intelligence, however, is not agreeableness. It is not optimism. It is not happiness. It is not calmness. It is not motivation. Such qualities, although important, have little to do with intelligence, little to do with emotions, and nearly nothing to do with actual emotional intelligence. It is especially unfortunate that even some trained psychologists have confused emotional intelligence with such personal qualities.
(John D. Mayer, PhD – University of New Hampshire)

Mood Mapping: 

Energy and Feelings: unknown source

Mood Causes and Depths: unknown source

Why is dievca on this topic? she, herself, scores very high on emotional intelligence, but she wanted to know if people in her Life who don’t have as high emotional intelligence can learn or if it is just a lost cause. dievca believes it is like anything in Life, if someone wants to change – they will work towards change with or without help. If someone doesn’t see a problem, any value or wish to change — all the analysis and talk in the World will fall on deaf ears. In dievca’s case…the person doesn’t see any problem. So, dievca will just leave it alone, even though she believes that EI can be learned and would make that person’s Life better.
Not dievca’s problem………………………………………………..


A message to my Sister with Man Ray

You have many sisters,
and I have none.
You connected with me,
and off we run.

Let me say I love you.
And, I Thank you.

dievca has one friend who knows about her BDSM leanings and she accepts dievca without question. Even when she gets a little uncomfortable. That is love.


Bad Choices vs. Bad Breaks – be honest

We all have friends who always have something bad happen to them.  Over and over.They are like Pig Pen in the Peanuts Comic Strip – a black cloud follows them, wherever they go.

Why does this happen to some people?
They are good people, they work hard, they try to do what is right.
Why do they get more bad breaks in Life?

Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
Everyone gets a bad break, now and then.
Life is known to throw you a bad turn or two — but for most people, not one after another.
And not for almost every major decision.

What is going on?

Obliviousness.

Even though this friend plays by the rules, she avoids things that are uncomfortable and doesn’t show emotion. she holds everything in and doesn’t think through her World fully. She is highly intelligent and assumes her Cognitive Intelligence is enough to give her the correct answers.  This creates a bubble that doesn’t allow her to view all the information about people or situations. Her view is not very large, nor flexible and of low emotional intelligence. Add desperation to reach ideals that she has wanted in her mind: Men, Babies, Family, Work Goals, Owning Property, Marriage, etc. The results don’t always go as planned….on almost everything.

Hence, the black cloud of constant surprise and drama.

“Poor so-and-so, she’s always running into bad breaks.”

Baloney.

She doesn’t handle things in a timely, direct and informed way.

The friend isn’t aware that avoiding conflict just creates a larger issues later. She is completely surprised when her cognitive intelligence didn’t tell her true. She doesn’t realize that a decision made without forethought might bite you in the behind. That being emotionally savvy could give her more insight to how relationships (personal and business) might function. The act (or non-act) of not sharing information and being so private, limits your information flow and can cause bad decisions. Cold logic doesn’t always work.

dievca does love and appreciate this friend, but the poor decisions and drama get old.  Same crap, different situation, different day.

The good news? Though dievca’s friend is older, she has latched on to a man who is into saving people. He likes to be the Knight in White Shining Armor and solve everyone’s problems (maybe to avoid his own? …no matter). Maybe this gentleman can help her make better decisions. dievca just hopes it doesn’t get old for him. she doesn’t want to see the friend back on her doorstop any time soon. Too much drama.


~guilty~

women2

dievca is guilty of this… on the personal level.
The worse something gets, the quieter she gets…
or she hides behind babble about inconsequential things.
People don’t want to deal with angst, just Joy.

Then she explodes.
When that happens, it’s not pretty.

It comes from taking care of everyone else and putting her needs last.
If an opportunity for dievca to air out her issues arrives,
she panics and becomes tongue-tied.
The focus is rarely on her, so she doesn’t know what to do.

Because of that everyone assumes that strong dievca is fine…
she is just fine.

If someone would just take a moment to notice that dievca has asked for a meeting,
a conversation, or time…and they would be patient, a little pushy for more information and pay attention – they would notice that she’s hit her limit.

Instead, she walks away, simmers and explodes.

And it’s ugly.
Just ugly.