When a friend knows you well enough to buy you a vibrator (something of use)

OK, it is a vibrating roller – but it still falls in the vibration causes pleasure category!

dievca should explain…
she is a huge fan of the Power Plate Machine at her gym. It’s helped her strengthen her body.

More importantly, it helped her loosen her insanely tight quads, glutes, calves, feet, and hamstring muscles.

(Note the roller…)

When COVID-19 hit, dievca was out-of-luck with using the Power Plate machine at her gym.  she had to depend on her heating pad, foam roller and heavy-duty time consuming traditional stretching. Not a worry when you have time to spare, but the results were not as euphoric as using the vibrating plate with a roller.

NYC is expecting COVID-19 to hit, again.

dievca’s access to the Power Plate will disappear.

But, it is not a problem anymore. dievca’s friend bought her a vibrator.
In the form of a Vibrating Foam Roller:

Next Roller vibrating foam roller $99 from Amazon (click photo for link) 

  • Three speeds of vibration
  • Portable
  • Rechargeable
  • One Year Warranty

Looks like a good solution for tight muscles in quarantine or any other time.
It works well, dievca used it immediately.

An amazing birthday gift, right?😍


Understanding a friend’s behavior – after years of friendship.

In France, there are several words for “to complain”: there’s se plaindre”, used for regular old complaining; there’s porter plainte”, for complaining more officially. And then there’s râler”complaining just for the fun of it. A curmudgeonly grumble.

Aha!

In France, a complaint is an appropriate – and frequent – conversation starter. “To Americans, saying something negative sounds like you’re closing the conversation”, in France, such comments are perceived as “a way to invite other people’s opinions”. North Americans, she said, are not as comfortable with confrontation – or with criticism – as the French are. Râler, then, “comes across as something that’s more intelligent than being too starry-eyed and optimistic about things”. (Julie Barlow – Canadian Journalist)

dievca’s friend is half-French, but it is a large half of her Life.  That consistent grumbling is an invitation to an intelligent conversation….and dievca has missed the boat a number of times. XOXO

BBC Article: Why the French Love to Complain

An additional note from dievca – when Americans hear a complaint, they think they need to fix the issue. Apparently, the “râler” creates no such obligation. Good to know!


Iced Coffee for a Friend

When you have a guest over for coffee, you want everything thing to be “just so”.

Brew your coffee the night before using good-quality coffee beans, and make it very strong as it’ll be diluted with ice and milk. That way, it can come to room temperature by the time the morning comes around. As always, add cream (milk), sugar, simple syrup to your taste!

dievca’s friend likes to add simple syrup to her brew, so dievca will be making her own syrup – directions below.

INGREDIENTS:
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup coffee, at room temperature
2 tablespoons half and half*, or more, to taste

DIRECTIONS:
To make the simple syrup, combine sugar and 1 cup water in a medium saucepan over medium heat, stirring until the sugar has dissolved. Let cool completely and stir in vanilla extract; set aside.
Serve coffee over ice with half & half and simple syrup, to taste.


Coffee on the Upper Eastside


dievca took a friend to an early morning outpatient medical procedure. One is not allowed to sit in the waiting room for the pick-up, so dievca wandered down to the East River to enjoy her coffee. An excellent choice.

Note: dievca brought her own coffee in an amazing Japanese brand ZOJIRUSHI thermos that a friend gifted to her.  

Photos: dievca UES 07/2020

Traveling with a Foodie

Traveling with a “foodie” can be a complete challenge.

Every meal analyzed, every type of food must be explored, on a mission to find certain foods or tools to make the local foods. Insistence upon their way for all food choices – even snacks. FOMO – food-wise.
It gets old, but one tends to go with the flow if said one has no real food-driven desires – only insisting that the complaints of an unchosen meal be limited before the said person goes meltdown on the foodie’s a**.

dievca is not the foodie.

she did not insist that they take a 45+ minute tram to Jerónimos Monastery for an egg custard tart. Packed in like a sardine with people yelling a conversation over her head.
No – that was the foodie who insisted that Pastéis de Belém was reputed to have the best tarts in Lisbon – fresh from the oven… which entailed another 1-hour wait in chaos for the treat to arrive.

The egg custard tarts are not one of dievca’s favorites, but the foodie was in HEAVEN!
So much, in fact, a quest was commenced to scour the city for places to buy the tart tins for the egg custards to be made at home.

An Australian Food blog saved the day, giving three locations to buy the tart tins in Lisbon — one shop was relatively nearby. Then the damn foodie was miffed that the price went up to a Euro for each tin when the 4-year-old blog post said 83 cents per tin….eyeroll.
dievca did send the blogger a message, thanking her for the help.

Anyways, back in Belém, after eating the tarts it was found that the monastery was packed with Asian tourists and the line to wait was insane. The crew just wandered the surrounding park, river walk, and hopped a packed bus back to Lisbon. It was faster than the tram and offered the bonus of watching a European street busker hit on an All-American slice of sunshine~

So, that long intro explains why dievca’s eye was caught with this
NYT Article: The Chocolate Cake that Saved My Vacation

dievca wasn’t too interested in the egg custard tarts – but she could have really gone into a “foodie mode” for Chocolate Cake. Plus, she had great empathy for the writer’s experiences on the #28 Tram after her own tram ride.
BTW, dievca took that #28 tram to transverse Lisbon, but she started before 8 am on a Sunday — no one was on it.

Here’s what dievca wants to make:

Lisbon Chocolate Cake

  • YIELD: One 9-inch cake (about 10 servings)
  • TIME: About 1 hour, plus cooling

Lisbon Chocolate Cake

Sarah Anne Ward for The New York Times. Food stylist: Maggie Ruggiero. Prop stylist: Amy Elise Wilson.

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE CAKE:

  • ½ cup/115 grams unsalted butter (1 stick), cut into chunks, plus more for greasing the pan
  •  cup/30 grams unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 1 ½ tablespoons cornstarch
  • ¼ teaspoon baking powder
  • ¼ teaspoon fine sea salt
  • 5 ounces/140 grams dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
  • ½ cup/100 grams granulated sugar
  • 3 large eggs, chilled

FOR THE GANACHE:

  • 1 ¾ cups/420 milliliters heavy cream
  • 6 ounces/170 grams semisweet or bittersweet chocolate, finely chopped

FOR THE TOPPING:

    • 3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

PREPARATION

  1. Make the cake: Center a rack in the oven, and heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 9-inch cake pan, line with parchment paper and butter the paper.
  2. Sift together the cocoa powder, cornstarch, baking powder and salt in a medium bowl. Whisk to blend.
  3. Put the 1/2 cup butter in a large heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of simmering water. Scatter dark chocolate on top, and heat, stirring often, until the mixture is smooth and glossy. Remove the bowl from the pan, and stir in the sugar. One by one, energetically stir in the eggs, beating for 1 minute after the last egg is added. The mixture will look like pudding. Stir in the dry ingredients. Scrape the mixture into the cake pan, and give the pan a couple of good raps against the counter to settle the batter.
  4. Bake for 18 to 20 minutes, or until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean (or with only a tiny streak of chocolate). Transfer to a rack, cool for 5 minutes, then unmold the cake. Peel off the paper, invert the cake and cool to room temperature. Wash and dry the cake pan.
  5. Make the ganache: Pour 1 1/4 cups cream into a small saucepan; refrigerate the rest. Scald the cream over medium heat, turn off the heat and stir in the semisweet or bittersweet chocolate until fully incorporated. Transfer to a heatproof bowl. Refrigerate the ganache for 10 minutes, whisk it, then refrigerate again for 10 minutes. Repeat chilling and whisking steps until the ganache is thick enough to make tracks when you stir, 50 to 60 minutes.
  6. Cut two 3-by-16-inch pieces of parchment or foil, and crisscross them in the cake pan. Carefully return the cake to the pan.
  7. Whip the remaining 1/2 cup cream until it holds medium peaks.
  8. Using a whisk, gently beat the ganache until it’s soft and spreadable. With a spatula, fold in the whipped cream. Spread over the cake, and refrigerate for 2 hours (or cover and keep for up to 2 days). The cake is best served cool or at room temperature, so take it out of the fridge about 20 minutes before serving.
  9. To finish, put the cocoa powder in a fine-mesh strainer, and shake it over the top of the cake. Run a table knife along the sides of the pan. Using the parchment or foil handles, carefully lift the cake out of the pan and onto a serving plate. Discard the strips. Cut the cake using a long knife that has been run under hot water and wiped dry between each cut.

An unexpected pleasure – Sunflowers

Photo: dievca NYC 8/2019

“True friends are like bright sunflowers that never fade away, even over distance and time.”

Marie Williams Johnstone

An unexpected pleasure in the middle of NYC. dievca grew up with a neighbor who grew large sunflowers in their backyard – it is a childhood pleasure to see one. There is a second sunflower that is so heavy with seeds, the head is drooping.

 


Oriente

Talk to the hand.

Meow!

The most clouds seen in a week.

Relaxing and stretching on the Tagus River.

Killing time while waiting for a friend to fly into Lisbon…dievca wandered Oriente.

Photos: dievca Lisbon - Oriente 08/2019

trött

After a heavy week ending, then heading back to a friend to help her entertain and feed 10 people. – dievca is trött.

Tired.

The crowd was lovely, kind, fun. But when it is not your house, your dishes, your food, your timing – you have to be aware.  Add the language-shifting and alcohol– by the time we played, Kubb, dievca was cooked.

Click on the name to find the rules of the game…just let dievca tell you that it involves throwing larger wooden dowels at wooden objects across a pitch…sometimes around windows.

Recovery starts this morning:


God morgon!


May your week start with a strong cup of kaffe or te!


Learning about Life via Death

dievca was one of the few people at her Aunt’s funeral a couple of years ago.
Eleanor Rigby kept playing in her head.

Yesterday, dievca’s friend had a Memorial and Service to inter her ashes.

It was lovely. Friends of all ages and different phases came to celebrate. Siblings gave the realistic view of their sister with humor. dievca wore bright colors and listened with a smile. Her friend had set aside money for a buffet meal at a cafe across the street with an open bar. Great venue, good wine.

She was loved, is loved and will be remembered with love.

Why? What’s the difference between dievca’s aunt and dievca’s friend?

Her friend was open to new ideas, willing to try new things and try-on new viewpoints. She was able to accept change. She accepted people for who they are, not who she wanted them to be. She didn’t pass judgment. She stood up for what she felt was right and that would include the thought that all people should be treated fairly and equally. She gave in simple ways – nothing grandiose – an ear to listen, advice if asked, expertise if needed and company with silence, her time. Things that people truly need or want.

What dievca has learned:

Be yourself. Work to keep old friends and work to gain new friends. Enjoy life and share your Joy and knowledge. Mentor. Accept idiosyncracies and people/situations that make you step out and grow. Don’t stop moving. Life is to be experienced. not watched.


For the Master or Mistress of BBQ

Master is heading over to a friend’s Brownstone to be the “Master of the BBQ”.
They are European and haven’t learned the fine art of grilling.
dievca heard some mumbling about the grill not being cleaned properly, etc.
she really wants to send over these naughty roasting sticks:

Let’s take a closer look:

There are “kid-friendly” and “transgender” options, too.

Or you can buy a Gay couple, a Lesbian couple, singles….
Available at Amazon: 805 Metal Craft


Simple Coffee

Master told me that I would be exhausted when I got back.
He’s right.
Watching someone you love, pass away, is a privilege.
But it does run you through the gamut.

I just want coffee before heading to work.
A Simple Coffee.


And she was~

Floating Girl by Jonathan Robrecht

A most beautiful friend died yesterday.
I got to see her, say “I love you” and hold her hand before she moved on.
I’m hoping that she was able to float out on the next plane, blissing out, losing her pain.

“I used to know a blissed-out hippie-chick in Baltimore,” recalled Byrne in the liner notes of Once in a Lifetime: The Best of Talking Heads. “She once told me that she used to do acid (the drug, not music) and lay down on the field by the Yoo-hoo chocolate soda factory. Flying out of her body, etc etc. It seemed like such a tacky kind of transcendence… but it was real! A new kind of religion being born out of heaps of rusted cars and fast food joints. And this girl was flying above it all, but in it too.”

Then as I thought about it more — I think that my friend would prefer to leave you with this:

Me? I’m firmly on the ground.


Hey Good Lookin’! What’s Cookin’?

Paul Ciernia Pin-Up Cooking

dievca is not a cook, she bakes…
she WILL be cooking today because 5 friends are coming for dinner.

They are a “Meat and Potato” crowd, so she is keeping it simple:

  • Fresh Vegetables with Dip, Cheese Plate and Chardonnay for Appetizers on the rooftop
  • Baked Pork Chops (bone in), Green Beans, Rice and Norman Cidre for the Main Course
  • Lemon Meringue Pie and Pinot Grigio or Coffee/Tea for Dessert


Wish her luck, but dievca does have a secondary strategy: Distraction via Clothing

And Plan C: Pizza and Beer


Can’t ask for anything more~

Sometimes you have to stop and honor the moment:
A moment of Joy.
A moment of Appreciation.
A moment of being Treasured.
A moment of Friendship.

Yesterday contained all four:
Spending time with Master.
Master’s laser focus.
Sharing food with friends.
Friends laughing and sharing with me.

The day with Master and the evening with friends who didn’t want to leave.
Can’t ask for anything more.

Time to treasure these memories for when times are lean.

Enjoy your day.
May a good memory be made for you.


Figuring it out~

March 1943 “New York, New York. Times Square on a rainy day” Photographer John Vachon

50 F (10 C)
Raining
Breeze blowing
Doors rattling

Breath Deep
Fresh Air
Aha! Moment
Understanding

~the question is what to do with the new-found knowledge, does it help or hinder~


On my Mind~

Hello, how are you doing?  I hope my choice of blog reposts these past two weeks were semi-interesting.  If nothing else, I had fun going back to read them and revisit the memories.

I didn’t get a chance to read blogs like I thought I would. I ended up researching a graduate program (3rd Master’s degree anyone? We will see), working extra to allow me to travel down South.

The traveling included visiting Families and Friends, learning about myself and watching people react:

  • How does one deal with chemo after getting a great check-up with a Doctor who can only give a lukewarm delivery. How many times had that Doctor put their heart on the line, to be shut down?
  • Or watching the robust couple who lost (or gained) everything with a brain tumor? The frank discussion of choosing not to do radiation the next time it’s needed.
  • I have a tendency to see something in a home that needs done and doing it….it’s invasive, yet, needed. So, I pray that my minor moments of help are seen as a “break” not an offense.
  • Talking to college students about their hopes, dreams and drinking across Europe is very entertaining.
  • Cuddling with immense dogs is messy and healing.
  • All done while eating a whole lot of BBQ and butter~ everything is better with butter.

 

This watchfulness and self-reflection of family relationships, relationships and friendships triggered a review of what I want for the future, what I want for my Life and why I want things. I know that I am not in need, but what would fulfill me?

I don’t have any hard conclusions, but I’d like to share information I’ve pondered.

Assess your friend network

Research shows that having a strong network of relationships is vital to our health.

It’s harder to make friends as we get older. 

Tereasa Jones, who has a master’s degree in counseling and is a certified life coach who specializes in friendship coaching, had suggestions about how to make new friends as an adult..

According to Jones, we all move through a variety of interpersonal relationships on a daily basis.

  • “Intimates” are the lifelines you can call at 3 a.m. with an emergency.
  • “Friends” you spend time with, but maybe don’t share every detail of your life
  • “Friendly acquaintances” are people you know you like and whom you see on a regular basis in a particular setting, like work or the yoga studio. They’re the ones you’ve considered inviting out for coffee, but never have.
  • “Acquaintances” are people you’re friendly with in passing, at the store, the gym, in the elevator.

I asked myself which of these categories am I missing in my life?

None, but changes can be considered.

I have a lot of  “friendly acquaintances” and “friends” by default – there is always someone I can ask to meet for coffee, a movie, a museum, talk about an issue, ask advice.  And I do have a core set of “intimate friends” whom I connect with consistently, but most of them live in different states/countries….

That might be the group I need to address, locally.

It’s tough as an adult to find the time, desire and say “yes” to the odd activity, but as Amy Silverstein suggests:

Sometimes friendship is just about showing up

“Don’t be afraid to show up….Push yourself a little bit, when you sense that you’re needed. Show up with an open mind to be there in any way that your friend needs: to let her yell, cry, not say anything at all, [or to] just hold her hand.”

I’m well aware that in most cases you receive what you give.

Yes, there are the odd circumstances where you get taken advantage of….but if you keep your eyes, ears and heart open. You should be o.k.

If I keep my eyes, ears and heart open. I should be o.k.

Wish me Luck!

How is your friend situation looking?  Any way you can push away from the BBQ and butter to meet someone new?  Let me know about it!

XO

Thank you to Annaliese Griffin from Well & Good 
And an interesting read from a Guy's Viewpoint.

Doesn’t matter where it came from, it applies~

May the sun bring you new energy by day,

May the moon softly restore you by night,

May the rain wash away your worries,

May the breeze blow new strength into your being,

May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life.


A close friend was diagnosed with Cancer, they began treatment this week. No form of cancer is easy to deal with but the timeline for this type is …. dismal.

Add that everyone has moved on from the Faith they grew up with and dievca did not replace hers with their new Faith, she doesn’t do their religious platitudes well.

But, I love you is good.

And, perhaps, the piece above … (or is that a platitude and trite?)

Sigh.

The piece above was written for the 1947 Western novel Blood Brother by Elliott Arnold. The fictional blessing entered popular consciousness when it made its way into the 1950 film adaptation of the novel Broken Arrow, scripted by Albert Maltz.

People think it is an Apache Blessing.

Fictional or not, the words convey positive wishes.

In the end, all you can do is pray to whatever deity you chose, send your strength through the ether, be there for any research/communication/cheerleading/venting that is needed and show up, be present and donate whatever is needed when called upon.

Currently, dievca is using Joy and Happiness through stories and memories to try to lessen the pain as well as remind that Life has components that are worthy of effort. Not sure it is working, but its all she can think to do right now.

dievca is taking suggestions~


Time-stealer (daily prompt: measure)

via Daily Prompt: Measure

Thanks for listening, yesterday. 
My take-away?
 
Is that we met on Monday from 12:30 – 2:30 pm.
And you commented it was all day.
 
 
I’m not hurt. I’m just — I don’t know. 
Sorry, I guess – that I took up your time.
I had a nice meal, the sun was lovely. I tried to listen and be there.
Time is precious and I don’t want to be a time-stealer.
 
But, I guess I am.
Something new for dievca - measuring time.

Can it be taught? and why bother….

Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior. Emotional intelligence can be defined as the ability to monitor one’s own and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.
(Coleman, Andrew (2008). A Dictionary of Psychology (3 ed.). Oxford University Press)


  1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others.
  2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

(Psychology Today definition)


Psychologists Jack Mayer and Peter Salovey introduced the concept of emotional intelligence, or EI, in the early 1990s. Since then, a cottage industry has grown up around the notion, spawning business workshops, self-help books and school programs.

But even the field’s originators are divided about whether EI can be taught: Salovey thinks so; Mayer thinks not.

Like cognitive intelligence, Mayer believes EI is primarily shaped by genes and early experiences. Salovey agrees that like musical talent, EI is partially innate but he argues, “I’m optimistic that people can learn a richer emotional vocabulary and that they can self-regulate emotions better.”

Salovey, the dean of Yale College, points to high school programs that teach students social skills, impulse control and anger management. One program operated by the New Haven, Connecticut, public schools’ social development department can point to lower dropout rates and a decrease in violence since its inception, over a decade ago.
(Darbie Saxbe, PhD)

If you subscribe to the idea that EI can be taught or at least worked on (dievca believes that if you are at least aware of your emotions — that changes them.)

Here are 10 Ways to Enhance Your Emotional Intelligence:

  1. Don’t interrupt or change the subject, when you are facing your emotions
  2. Don’t judge or edit your feelings too quickly.
  3. See if you can find connections between your feelings and other times you have felt the same way.
  4. Connect your feelings with your thoughts.
  5. Listen to your body.
  6. If you don’t know how you’re feeling, ask someone else.
  7. Tune in to your unconscious feelings.
  8. Ask yourself: How do I feel today?
  9. Write thoughts and feelings down.
  10. Know when enough is enough. There comes a time to stop looking inward; learn when its time to shift your focus outward.

(Norman Rosenthal, MD)

Emotional do’s

  • DO see the bigger picture; broaden your perspective. Is my view narrow and not seeing all the pieces?
  • DO shift from me to us. What is happening with you is not the only factor, what is going on with other people? Who else is involved?
  • DO ask yourself why. Why am I bothered or hurt by this person or situation? Is there someway I can change it or look at it differently? Am I missing information? 

Emotional don’ts

  • DON’T limit interpretations to all bad or all good.  Admit something might have gone wrong, but look for the positives in the awkward situation.
  • DON’T conclude that another’s behavior or mood is in direct response to you and/or your actions.  OK, short tempers and poor behavior are not always caused by me, there could be other factors causing issues – what might they be? Or, just let me keep out-of-the-way for today.
  • DON’T magnify negative events in your life and discount positive ones.  If something went wrong, it is not the end. Determined what caused the problem and adjust. Take any positive situations and build upon them.
  • DON’T conclude that what you feel must be the truth and that it’s permanent.  Failing is not forever.  There is always some type of chance to succeed in the future and what you see/feel might not be as bad as you think. Try to step back an analyze your feelings clearly. 

(Umeda Islamova: workingmomsagainst guilt.com – modified by dievca)

Mathew Lieberman at UCLA has done some interesting research on emotion recognition, and apparently, if you can name a troubling emotion, you can immediately calm yourself and your brain down.

Why Bother?

Studies have shown that people with high EI have greater mental health, exemplary job performance, and more potent leadership skills although no causal relationship has been shown.
(Debbie Hampton: The Best Brain Possible and Karla McLaren, M.Ed.)

Emotional intelligence, however, is not agreeableness. It is not optimism. It is not happiness. It is not calmness. It is not motivation. Such qualities, although important, have little to do with intelligence, little to do with emotions, and nearly nothing to do with actual emotional intelligence. It is especially unfortunate that even some trained psychologists have confused emotional intelligence with such personal qualities.
(John D. Mayer, PhD – University of New Hampshire)

Mood Mapping: 

Energy and Feelings: unknown source

Mood Causes and Depths: unknown source

Why is dievca on this topic? she, herself, scores very high on emotional intelligence, but she wanted to know if people in her Life who don’t have as high emotional intelligence can learn or if it is just a lost cause. dievca believes it is like anything in Life, if someone wants to change – they will work towards change with or without help. If someone doesn’t see a problem, any value or wish to change — all the analysis and talk in the World will fall on deaf ears. In dievca’s case…the person doesn’t see any problem. So, dievca will just leave it alone, even though she believes that EI can be learned and would make that person’s Life better.
Not dievca’s problem………………………………………………..


A message to my Sister with Man Ray

You have many sisters,
and I have none.
You connected with me,
and off we run.

Let me say I love you.
And, I Thank you.

dievca has one friend who knows about her BDSM leanings and she accepts dievca without question. Even when she gets a little uncomfortable. That is love.


Bad Choices vs. Bad Breaks – be honest

We all have friends who always have something bad happen to them.  Over and over.They are like Pig Pen in the Peanuts Comic Strip – a black cloud follows them, wherever they go.

Why does this happen to some people?
They are good people, they work hard, they try to do what is right.
Why do they get more bad breaks in Life?

Maybe they do, maybe they don’t.
Everyone gets a bad break, now and then.
Life is known to throw you a bad turn or two — but for most people, not one after another.
And not for almost every major decision.

What is going on?

Obliviousness.

Even though this friend plays by the rules, she avoids things that are uncomfortable and doesn’t show emotion. she holds everything in and doesn’t think through her World fully. She is highly intelligent and assumes her Cognitive Intelligence is enough to give her the correct answers.  This creates a bubble that doesn’t allow her to view all the information about people or situations. Her view is not very large, nor flexible and of low emotional intelligence. Add desperation to reach ideals that she has wanted in her mind: Men, Babies, Family, Work Goals, Owning Property, Marriage, etc. The results don’t always go as planned….on almost everything.

Hence, the black cloud of constant surprise and drama.

“Poor so-and-so, she’s always running into bad breaks.”

Baloney.

She doesn’t handle things in a timely, direct and informed way.

The friend isn’t aware that avoiding conflict just creates a larger issues later. She is completely surprised when her cognitive intelligence didn’t tell her true. She doesn’t realize that a decision made without forethought might bite you in the behind. That being emotionally savvy could give her more insight to how relationships (personal and business) might function. The act (or non-act) of not sharing information and being so private, limits your information flow and can cause bad decisions. Cold logic doesn’t always work.

dievca does love and appreciate this friend, but the poor decisions and drama get old.  Same crap, different situation, different day.

The good news? Though dievca’s friend is older, she has latched on to a man who is into saving people. He likes to be the Knight in White Shining Armor and solve everyone’s problems (maybe to avoid his own? …no matter). Maybe this gentleman can help her make better decisions. dievca just hopes it doesn’t get old for him. she doesn’t want to see the friend back on her doorstop any time soon. Too much drama.


you get what you give — sometimes

giving-heartDid you ever have someone change the ballgame on you?
And they didn’t tell you the new rules?

You continued to give 100%, all in, according to the past plan which brought you joy and happiness, then whamo! it is no longer is accepted or shared by that friend.

The value of your giving drops.
In fact, the giving has become a detriment.

That’s fine, if you set new boundaries, new values and you know that other areas of the friendship will need to become stronger for the link to survive.

But, the boundaries keep changing, flip-flopping, without communication.
You cannot keep up, you don’t know the rules, you are not getting anything new back.
More and more keeps getting taken away.
And you have to ask, almost beg, for what little you do get.

Soon you are adrift without a raft.
Thank God you swim well and you have others to swim to~

When you get back to shore, do you stay connected?
When you have seen that your giving is accepted and treasured by others.
You do have value.

The uniqueness of the original relationship seems to be gone.
You are still amazed that someone would throw something so beautiful away.
You stare at it with hope, praying it will keep in stasis for the future.
You know better – because it takes two for that to happen and one party can’t be bothered.

The joke is they keep stating that they still want you in their Life.
But their treatment of you runs contrary to their words.
The basics you expect, they can’t even reach and your problem is you can’t stop giving.
It’s not who you are~

I love your thoughts, I hate your actions.

I gave all I had to give.

I gave myself.

I guess that sometimes you don’t get what you give,
and that is Life.

(Dropping two friends in one year. Not good, dievca, not good.)


Silence

Silence Breaks Your Heart

 

“Does not everything depend on our interpretation of the silence around us?”
Lawrence Durrell, Justine (The Alexandria Quartet)

“You can hurt with your words but you can also hurt with your silence.” – Paulo Coelho de Souza

“Silence can be very painful. It can very easily be interpreted as not being acknowledged or not even worth someones time or effort. Silence can also show that someone was hurt beyond what words can express. With words you can at least know where things could stand. With Silence…you don’t know anything.” — TheUnrealMe-yahoo

 

The silent treatment can literally hurt.

If your partner decides that they doesn’t want to continue an argument that the two of you are having and they cut it off by not talking to you for an extended period…. 

During this time, you may feel isolated, rejected as well as physically sick.

Studies have shown that the section of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) not only detects and reacts to physical pain, but also to social pain. This includes being ostracized, bullied, and given the silent treatment.

So your body’s physical reactions to the mental anguish are real. Headaches, stomach-ache, and a general moment of feeling like shit. (adapted from TheStir)

The Daily Times:
Manipulation by silence can be more painful than words

“Falling Down” Silverstein
Cut through the skin with knives of words
I’m still bleeding out questions of nerve
What will it take to sort this out?
It’s still lodging its blade in my heart

Silence hurts more than the worst sound
Now it’s too late to call
Say I’m wrong and throw the first round
I’m still falling down

Fill out the paper, File the forms
And I’m signing you up for the war
This is the way we’ve learned to cope
Insecurities take over hope

Silence hurts more than the worst sound
Now it’s too late to call
Say I’m wrong and throw the first round
I’m still falling down

I can see, I can see you and me on the water tonight
Blood red sky lets me know you’ll be here by my side
And tomorrow we will wake up, We can start again
We have so much left to learn from all of our mistakes

You can trust me
I won’t give up
I won’t let you go
Cut through the skin with knives of words

Silence hurts more than the worst sound
Now it’s too late to call
Say I’m wrong and throw the first round
I’m still falling down

Silence hurts more than the worst sound
Now it’s too late to call
Say I’m wrong and throw the first round
I’m still falling down

Now, there are people who need to back off to think and function.  Introverts, in particular.  But, if the silence goes beyond an acceptable time — the extroverts (and others) are abused.
Please think of that when you are tired and want to cut someone off or out of your Life.  Buck up, be honest and direct.  It will be painful up front, but will save a great deal of mental anguish in the end. XO dievca
Distance doesn't seperate people, silence does.

In honor of David Bowie and the ‘sometimes’ pain of CHANGES.

David Bowie, unknowingly, got me through the awkwardness of High School. I could listen, dream and grow without worrying what he thought of me. He was strange and strong.  I realized I could be strange and strong. I call upon him, again, as I consider making changes in my Life.

20160110_164745

Changes:

You stated there had to be change.
My Life is so fluid and dynamic, daily, I just looked at you in confusion.
I live and breathe change.
So make the changes.
No stranger to constant frenetic activity, I can stop and start on a dime.

Child-like, I thought if things were going to change between two logical people — the changes would be for the better and require all parties to give up something. 

So I stepped right up, in good faith, without missing a beat and found myself given less time, less attention, less quality experiences, less respect, less manners, less sharing, just less….but I kept giving of myself, then even more when I saw it was needed.

Finally, I asked, what did I get from these changes?
I seem to be left standing with almost nothing.
If I ask you, can you tell me what I gained?
There was something of value, in the past.
But it seems to have disappeared with the changes~

You know what? I really need to think on this…..

As David Bowie’s “Changes” plays in my head:


Oh, yeah
Mmm
Still don’t know what I was waitin’ for
And my time was runnin’ wild
A million dead-end streets and
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse of
How the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
Mmm, yeah I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Don’t tell them to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time
Strange fascination, fascinatin’
Ah, changes are takin’
The pace I’m goin’ through
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Oh, look out you rock ‘n’ rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Turn and face the strange
Ch-ch-changes
Pretty soon now you’re gonna get older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

Songwriters
DAVID BOWIE

Published by
Lyrics © BMG RIGHTS MANAGEMENT US, LLC , Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, TINTORETTO MUSIC

 

 


Friendship: Face to Face Designs

I get by with a little help from my friendsA close friend sent dievca a note telling her about a boutique opening in the Midwest, including a photo of some kitchen towels with clean and honest graphics that she thought dievca would like.  After getting the touch from her friend, dievca has realized something about herself — she’s strong enough to carry herself through on her own, but she does much better with friends standing beside her.

dievca doesn’t have a million friends, just a few exceptionally close friends (yes, she includes Master in the “friend” category, too.) So, when she saw these towels in her friend’s photo, she had to smile. Something simple, but fun for her kitchen (or bathroom).

These towels come from St. Simon’s Island in Georgia and to use the owners own words:

Born in our garage- from desperation that led to inspiration- each piece is one of a kind and is the result of the combined talents of John and Brigitte McKeown. We are guided and directed by our priceless partners in crime, Chrissy Johnston, Michelle Bruce and Bonney Shuman.

It sounds like they got by with a little help from their friends, too.

http://www.facetofacedesigns.com

More Issues Than Vogue Hand TowelsMy Momma Said
Dear George No Man is a FailureI told my Therapist about you.