Call a spade is a spade.
I absorb and learn from criticism.
I pick my ass up after a failure.
If I ask a question, I expect an answer.
I’m not asking just to make noise.
I’m waiting for the answer.
Even if that answer is negative.
Even if you think I won’t like the answer.
And if I asked two questions, I am looking for the answer to both questions.
I am sorry if you have trouble offering a negative answer.
Or any answer at all.
Not my problem.
But it is my problem when I am trying to schedule my life and I asked the question for a reason.
The avoidance becomes disrespectful and rude.
My ire doesn’t matter – because I’m still waiting for your answer.
I’m not playing a game, its my Life.
dievca has talked about masculinity and femininity in past blog posts:
- Masculine/Feminine (part one) Memory Lane
- Masculine/Feminine (part two) dievca
- Masculine/Feminine (part three) Master
she has also spoken about Manners: opening and closing doors.
Opening and closing a car door for a Lady is also an Art and a gesture that will surely get her attention. It’s not only for Men. dievca still opens and closes the car door for her Mother. Car doors pose some special problems in being smooth.
This on dievca’s mind because a very masculine Greek gentleman gave dievca and her friend a lift and he made a point of directly telling her to wait until he opened the car door for her when they got to their destination. A FIRM point…
Here are a few guidelines on how to open car doors for women. (Or for men!?!?!)
Always try to open the door for a date when she enters the vehicle. If you don’t have anything obstructing you, always open the door for your date when entering the vehicle. You should have cleaned your car before the date, but if you have any crumbs or other gunk in the passenger side seat, sweep it off before she sits down.
Offer your hand as she gets in and out. The added support a hand provided for a woman in a dress and heels as she gets in and out of car will be appreciated. A helping hand is especially important if your car is a pick-up truck that’s jacked a few feet off the ground or a sports car that rides low to the ground.
Before shutting a car door, make sure all appendages, skirt bottoms, and purse straps are inside the vehicle. You don’t want to ruin your date by slamming her foot in the door or tearing a dress. Give a quick check to make sure everything is safely inside. Even ask, “Everything in?” before shutting the door just to make sure.
If there’s not much room between your car and the car parked next to you, let her open her own door. Don’t force the gesture if it’s just not possible to do.
Don’t feel obligated to open the car door for her when exiting the vehicle. Most people get out of a car as soon as it parks. Successfully opening a car door for a woman so she can exit will probably need you to say, “Hey, don’t get out. I want to open the car door for you.” She’ll then have to sit there and wait as you exit the driver’s side door and circle around to the passenger’s side so you can open it. You’ll just create a spectacle and may make your date feel like she’s being chauffeured instead of courted.
Now a bit of commentary about a Man opening a door for another Man….
Purdue University did a study and it shows how fragile the Male Ego can be:
Honestly? dievca doesn’t see this as being a problem for Master~
Do you see it as a problem for any men you know?
dievca has mentioned that she has a friend who has exquisite manners — he knows his Door Opening etiquette. His delivery is seemless and fluid. Master gives door opening a very good go, but He is not as elegant as dievca’s friend. dievca was wondering what the difference was and went searching for information. Here’s what she found:
Suggested Game Plan of Opening the Door for a Woman
There are two ways to mess up etiquette. One is to ignore it altogether. The other is to try too hard which makes the offering awkward. The most important thing to remember is to keep your actions simple, be natural and use common sense. Be Aware.
Opening doors for women requires their cooperation. It takes two to tango~
If you get to the door before a woman, just open the door and hold it for her.
Things get awkward when she gets there before you. In these types of situations, opening doors becomes much like a dance. Each sex has a role they need to fill for the operation to work successfully. If the Lady arrives at the door before you or at the same time as you, she should step slightly to one side so that you can open the door without knocking her over.
If she starts opening the door for herself, just pull it further open.
If the Lady arrives at the door first and starts opening it, all one needs to do is to help pull the door open further. Don’t make a big deal about it.
With double doors, open the first door, but not the second.
When there is a door, and then an entryway, and then another door, open the outside door and allow the Woman to step inside the airlock. Then for the second door, do as indicated above, simply help the Woman open the door as she goes through. Note: she may wait inside the space for you to open the second door entirely.
Don’t knock her over to get to the door first.
The key to a successful door opening (and good manners in general) is to make it look effortless, if you try too hard to get ahead to open the door, it just looks silly – not suave.
If she doesn’t want the door opened for her, respect that.
Some women will tell you straight up that they don’t like doors opened for them. You have been advised, follow the advisement.
Don’t expect consistency.
A Lady might open several doors for herself in an evening, but then step aside and indicated that she wants you to open the door for her. Pay attention, read her body language. It’s like dancing.
If the door swings in, go through the door first and hold it for her.
Doors that open inwards can prove tricky, the best way to go about them is to go through the door before your date does to hold the door open for her. If she arrives at the door first and begins pushing the door open, stand on the side where the door hinges are and simply extend your arm over her head to take the door’s weight from her as she passes through.
Your duty is to your woman, not the public at large.
If you open the door for your Lady, you are not required to hold the door for everyone else. After your Woman has walked through the door, follow her through. As you pass through the door, look behind you to see if anybody is following close behind and hold the door open long enough for them to take control of the door.
With revolving doors, reach out and slow it down so that she can step in.
Or, traditionally, the Man is supposed to step in first to push the heavier door into rotation. Many Women do not know this, so be aware and follow her lead.
Holding Doors Regardless of Gender
Holding doors open isn’t something that needs to be done just for Women. It’s an act of common courtesy that you can show to any person whether they be Man or Woman. If you get to the door first before a Guy, holding the door open for him is completely acceptable.
A Gentleman should always hold the door open for someone who is more physically burdened than him. If you see an older person, a person with an obvious physical aliment, or a person holding a crap load of packages, hold the door open for them no matter if they’re a man or a woman.
And if someone opens a door for you, always smile and say, “Thank you!”
GOOD manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse.
Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy is the best bred in the company.
Pride, ill nature, and want of sense, are the three great sources of ill manners; without some one of these defects, no man will behave himself ill for want of experience; or of what, in the language of fools, is called knowing the world.
I defy any one to assign an incident wherein reason will not direct us what we are to say or do in company, if we are not misled by pride or ill nature.
So that the difference between good breeding and good manners lies in this, that the former cannot be attained to by the best understandings, without study and labour; whereas a tolerable degree of reason will instruct us in every part of good manners, without other assistance.
English Essays: Sidney to Macaulay.
The Harvard Classics. 1909–14.
A Treatise on Good Manners and Good Breeding
dievca has been thinking about good manners lately. she deals with different people from many walks of life and has learned that Good Manners are not driven by income, education or Faith.
Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use.
What are they driven by?
“I don’t care at all about all your rules if they don’t have any kindness behind them.”
~Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
dievca has a theory that they are taught by parents, a cherished family member or close friend early, then developed by usage and awareness.
You have to be aware and conscious to truly have good manners.
dievca likes to think she has good manners, but…
dievca has a friend where Manners and Etiquette are so ingrained in him that it is a beautiful masterpiece to watch him open a door for a Lady. Seamless. Elegant.
He is so aware and has a 6th sense of timing.
Master is good, but He cannot hold a candle to dievca’s friend….it takes constant awareness.
Are you aware?