Families are interesting.
I flew back, late last night, and went into work early. My Dad is responsible for his morning and evening feedings, but they are trickier with grinding the pills (liquid forms are not available for everything) – so we “pre-grind”. That’s fine until Dad spills the cup of the dissolved meds. No extra am pills ground and a med that needs to be kept in the system isn’t taken. I’m no longer there to help, and the home aid doesn’t come until 4 hours later, and my sibling who lives there doesn’t see the importance or urgency.
Yeah, I was in a panic. And my sibling made me cry. What’s the point of killing yourself to get your Dad out of the hospital only to fail at home?
All this while I was walking in loveliness.
I breathed deep to smell the blossoms – it helped.
Do you think it’s the 15 year difference in age? Or an oldest/youngest issue? Mind you, I’m the youngest – almost like an “only”. Can I have a drink at 9 am? Something more than a mimosa?
tired and the day just started dievča
Photos: dievca 05/2018
A fully coherent Father made his choice, clearly and verbally, “I will do the feeding tube in the stomach and rehab.” I know that this elongates the process, but we were so relieved that the choice was taken out of our hands and put into the hands of the main participant. Today, after coffee, I will work with the people who will help my Mother stay in their (Mom and Dad’s) home.
All this has made me think….I have no children, I need to make these plans ahead of time for myself. I cannot wait. (But, it cannot be done today…)
Have a Lovely Morning!
Hello, how are you doing? I hope my choice of blog reposts these past two weeks were semi-interesting. If nothing else, I had fun going back to read them and revisit the memories.
I didn’t get a chance to read blogs like I thought I would. I ended up researching a graduate program (3rd Master’s degree anyone? We will see), working extra to allow me to travel down South.
The traveling included visiting Families and Friends, learning about myself and watching people react:
- How does one deal with chemo after getting a great check-up with a Doctor who can only give a lukewarm delivery. How many times had that Doctor put their heart on the line, to be shut down?
- Or watching the robust couple who lost (or gained) everything with a brain tumor? The frank discussion of choosing not to do radiation the next time it’s needed.
- I have a tendency to see something in a home that needs done and doing it….it’s invasive, yet, needed. So, I pray that my minor moments of help are seen as a “break” not an offense.
- Talking to college students about their hopes, dreams and drinking across Europe is very entertaining.
- Cuddling with immense dogs is messy and healing.
- All done while eating a whole lot of BBQ and butter~ everything is better with butter.
This watchfulness and self-reflection of family relationships, relationships and friendships triggered a review of what I want for the future, what I want for my Life and why I want things. I know that I am not in need, but what would fulfill me?
I don’t have any hard conclusions, but I’d like to share information I’ve pondered.
Assess your friend network
Research shows that having a strong network of relationships is vital to our health.
It’s harder to make friends as we get older.
Tereasa Jones, who has a master’s degree in counseling and is a certified life coach who specializes in friendship coaching, had suggestions about how to make new friends as an adult..
According to Jones, we all move through a variety of interpersonal relationships on a daily basis.
- “Intimates” are the lifelines you can call at 3 a.m. with an emergency.
- “Friends” you spend time with, but maybe don’t share every detail of your life
- “Friendly acquaintances” are people you know you like and whom you see on a regular basis in a particular setting, like work or the yoga studio. They’re the ones you’ve considered inviting out for coffee, but never have.
- “Acquaintances” are people you’re friendly with in passing, at the store, the gym, in the elevator.
I asked myself which of these categories am I missing in my life?
None, but changes can be considered.
I have a lot of “friendly acquaintances” and “friends” by default – there is always someone I can ask to meet for coffee, a movie, a museum, talk about an issue, ask advice. And I do have a core set of “intimate friends” whom I connect with consistently, but most of them live in different states/countries….
That might be the group I need to address, locally.
It’s tough as an adult to find the time, desire and say “yes” to the odd activity, but as Amy Silverstein suggests:
Sometimes friendship is just about showing up
“Don’t be afraid to show up….Push yourself a little bit, when you sense that you’re needed. Show up with an open mind to be there in any way that your friend needs: to let her yell, cry, not say anything at all, [or to] just hold her hand.”
I’m well aware that in most cases you receive what you give.
Yes, there are the odd circumstances where you get taken advantage of….but if you keep your eyes, ears and heart open. You should be o.k.
If I keep my eyes, ears and heart open. I should be o.k.
Wish me Luck!
How is your friend situation looking? Any way you can push away from the BBQ and butter to meet someone new? Let me know about it!
Thank you to Annaliese Griffin from Well & Good
And an interesting read from a Guy's Viewpoint.
“Stay Hydrated, drink as many fluids as possible.”
“If I feed myself any more liquids, you are going to be able to prick me with a pin and I’ll explode like a water balloon.”
PS. “I didn’t know a body could produce that much mucus, but you are right, at least I don’t have a headache.”
Graphic: Water Balloon by BAVARELL by Pharaoh-Sauron
Men Let Go Faster Than Women
Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly.
dievca finds this to be true.
Master has washed out most of the memories of His illness and hospital stay.
dievca? she remembers almost everything — vividly. she can tell you the timeline, mistakes, surgery dates, Doctors, Nurses, Residents….
This dichotomy of the experience has shaped Master and dievca’s behavior for the past year.
Master doesn’t want to remember and dievca cannot forget.
Today is the anniversary of the first emergency room visit and stay. With all the testing, watching, poking and prodding — Master got the hiccups. Insult upon injury, especially when you aren’t allow to have water…or ice. 3 hours+ of hiccups, until 3 am – when he got admitted.
No, dievca is not celebrating. she’s honoring the journey.
In late April, she’ll celebrate Master’s return home. And in May, the removal of His drainage tubes.
she will do this all without Master.
He doesn’t remember.
He doesn’t want to remember.
And dievca cannot forget.
(Yes, dievca mentioned to Master that he might not want to look at the blog today.)