Better for survivors or better for the person dying?

deivca is pondering a question this morning… please let her explain the scenario, 1st:

Inline & Roller Skating - Amazon_comA work friend died yesterday. she was a few years older than dievca. The friend worked at a different location, so dievca didn’t see her all the time.  dievca did see the friend in the summer and she looked a bit tired and thin, but her friend was thin to begin with. The friend was moving well and rollerblading consistently to work.

In September the friend asked dievca for a favor and it was to be turned back over in November. Not anymore.

No one knew the friend was sick, she just died.

It was cancer.

The workplace is reeling because this person was kind, happy, and caring. Lovely to everyone.

No one knows what happened.  Was it diagnosed Stage 4? did she decide to pass on chemo? was it so aggressive there was no time? had she been battling it for a while and told no one but her family?

Back to dievca’s pondering…

Is it better to let people know about your illness or say nothing?

A quick death might be better for the terminally ill person, but doesn’t allow people to say Good-Bye.
(You don’t have to explain your condition, your treatment plans, deal with everyone feeling sorry for you, etc.)

A longer process allows people to connect with the terminally ill person but extends their trauma.
(People will keep asking what is going on, what the treatment plan is, ask how you are feeling, maybe offer pity, etc.)

OK, multiple questions. Tough questions.

No matter what the answers, it does bring to mind the phrase, “My Body – My Choice.”


A Friend sent this…Good Morning!


When someone asks you a question, respond.

I’m direct
I’m blunt.
I’m Midwestern.
Call a spade is a spade.

I absorb and learn from criticism.
I pick my ass up after a failure.

If I ask a question, I expect an answer.
I’m not asking just to make noise.

I’m waiting for the answer.
Even if that answer is negative.
Even if you think I won’t like the answer.

And if I asked two questions, I am looking for the answer to both questions.

I am sorry if you have trouble offering a negative answer.
Or any answer at all.
Not my problem.

But it is my problem when I am trying to schedule my life and I asked the question for a reason.

The avoidance becomes disrespectful and rude.

My ire doesn’t matter – because I’m still waiting for your answer.

I’m not playing a game, its my Life.


trött

I toss and turn
can’t sleep

all the questions I ask
all the answers I anticipate
all the time I give

not a question in return

when you have built on giving, when does it become your turn to receive?


Do you see the Light?

34thCan you find the patience?
Should the restrictions be loosened?
Have you found forgiveness?
Are you able to forgive?
Do you understand?
Can you see the big picture?
Will you accept?

I will and I can (said very quietly)

Blue top Fretwork Sunlight Evening

Photos: dievca