Traveling, again.

Yep, with the knee still wrapped, dievca is heading west to what Master calls “Flyover Country”.¬† she will be consolidating storage units (with good help), seeing family and friends, taking Mom and Dad’s ashes to Mass, etc.

The corn should be knee high by the 4th of July!

dievca might even get a chance to attend a Midwestern small town 4th of July Parade.

What are you up to for Independence Day? (USA located viewers ūüėė)

sanna-dullaway-colorization-july-fourth-independence-day-pinups-08


i thank You God

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

From “i thank You God for most this amazing” (1950) ee cummings


A Master knows~

naked-expressive-dance-couple-full-length-multiethnic-performing-over-blue-background-33888483“There are times she is kneeling out of obedience, reverence and respect. Those are the times it is okay to stand above her. But when she is kneeling because the weight of the world is just too heavy to bear … that is when You should be kneeling beside her.” ‚ÄĒ Unknown


Shopping Suggestions Holiday 2021

dievca shops year round for her Holiday gifts. That said, she also keeps an eye out for items that might be of interest to people of the Masculine persuation ~ or those who like practical and streamlined items. she has the following suggestions for the Holiday 2021 season (UO = Urban Outiftters, top items until the Yellow Submarine Towel – the second set of items are from Huckberry –¬† a great Masculine driver space, Google Image search a photo and it should take you to the item webpage, last two items from Theragun):


The Date ~

dievca’s been watching friends Zoom date, navigate around COVID-19 and death,¬† sort through the ashes of a relationship that crashed hard and, in one case, is watching a friend reunite happily with an old Flame.

L’appuntamento
Ho sbagliato tante volte ormai
che lo so già
che oggi quasi certamente
sto sbagliando su di te.

Ma una volta in pi√Ļ che cosa pu√≤ cambiare
nella vita mia…
Accettare questo strano appuntamento
è stata una pazzia!

Sono triste tra la gente che
mi sta passando accanto,
ma la nostalgia di rivedere te
√® forte pi√Ļ del pianto.

Questo sole accende sul mio volto
un segno di speranza.
Sto aspettando quando a un tratto
ti vedrò spuntare in lontananza!

Amore, fai presto,
io non resisto…
Se tu non arrivi, non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…

√ą cambiato il tempo e sta piovendo,
ma resto ad aspettare.
Non m’importa cosa il mondo pu√≤ pensare,
io non me ne voglio andare.

Io mi guardo dentro e mi domando,
ma non sento niente.
Sono solo un resto di speranza
perduta tra la gente.

Amore, è già tardi
e non resisto…
Se tu non arrivi, non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…

Luci, macchine, vetrine, strade, tutto quanto
si confonde nella mente.
La mia ombra si è stancata di seguirmi,
il giorno muore lentamente.

Non mi resta che tornare a casa mia
alla mia triste vita.
Questa vita che volevo dare a te
l’hai sbriciolata tra le dita‚Ķ

Amore, perdono,
ma non resisto…
Adesso per sempre non esisto,
non esisto, non esisto…

The Date
I was wrong so many times by now,
I already know
that almost certainly today
I am wrong about you

but what difference can one more time make
in this life of mine..
Accepting this odd date,
it was insanity! (some folly)

I am sad among the people
passing by
but the wistful feeling (nostalgia) of seeing you again
is stronger than the tears

This sun lights up on my face
a sign of hope
I am waiting and suddenly
I will see you appear yonder (in the distance)

My love be here soon (hurry up),
I can’t take it (resist)
if you don’t come, I don’t exist
I don’t exist, I don’t exist …

The weather has changed, and it is raining
but I stay and wait (keep on waiting)
I am not concerned (don’t care) about what the world will think [of me]
I don’t wanna go.

I look within myself and wonder
but I feel nothing (hear nothing?)
I am just some remains of hope
lost among people

My love, it’s already late
and I can’t take it (resist)
if you don’t come, I don’t exist
I don’t exist, I don’t exist …

Lights, cars, shop windows, roads
they all confuse into my mind
my shadow got tired of following me
the day slowly dies

All that’s left is to go back to my house
to my sad life
This life I wanted to give to you
you crumbled it between your fingers

My love, forgive me, but I can’t take it…
Now forever, I don’t exist


Fanciful Unicorn

On a lighter note Рbut following the childhood innocence theme Рthe La Double J Mini Swing Dress in Giungla brings color and clean lines to Life.  Might be a good choice to indicate your interest in being a Little or a Unicorn.

La Double J Mini Swing Dress Glungla ShopBop Unicorn

  • Fabric: Lightweight, non-stretch silk twill
  • Rainforest print
  • Jewel neckline and short sleeves
  • Hidden zip at back
  • On-seam hip pockets
  • Shell: 100% silk
  • Unlined
  • Dry clean
  • Made in Italy
  • $520

La Double J Mini Swing Dress Glungla ShopBop Unicorn Close-up


My Mom isn’t eating much.

HeartAnd she is a sleeping more. Is it depression or time to go?
Its the first time dievca’s Mom wanted to sleep rather than speak with her.¬†

When you are the youngest of the two youngest and everyone (Dad/Aunts/Uncles) have passed.  Your last tie to an Era will soon be cut.  You can only hope that your oldest cousins can answer your questions about Family.

she knows she shouldn’t borrow trouble, but dievca’s heart is hurting.

Her Mom’s Life isn’t really a Life – so it will be good when Mom catches up with dievca’s Dad. She misses him

dievca just keeps sending Love from her mind and her heart.


Lazy Sunday Sex Position

lazy-sunday-morning-inspo-pic

After wine, a burger and good company – dievca slept in for a lazy Sunday. Master will be stopping by in the afternoon to relax.¬† Maybe the ‘LAZY SUNDAY’ position will come into use – dievca is really not moving too fast.RR-SEX-POSITION-LAZY-SUNDAY-v1

LAZY SUNDAY SEX POSITION

Find a chair or large pillow so you are both sitting at a 45 degree angle.

One partner lies on the bottom, while the other clambers on top facing upwards so your bodies are in perfect alignment.

Keep your thighs together for a more intense sensation as the lower lover enters from behind.


Lush

20210514_061817

Photo: dievca, Mom’s Yard 05/2021


Take a deep breath at the vision~

vargas-girls--back

and let the lines of her back guide to you to glory.


The most courageous act is to think for yourself. Aloud. ~ Coco Chanel

Take a moment to have a chat with a strong Woman in your Life for International Women’s Day.


Words

Language is a measure of culture, but also, in many ways, language can be a measure of time. The words we use‚ÄĒif they are new or relatively new‚ÄĒare the words we need to express and explain our world. If these words then also become widely used, it becomes the dictionary‚Äôs job to explain this use.

Here are some words that were added to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary this year:

  • Long hauler¬†: a person who experiences one or more long-term effects following initial improvement or recovery from a serious illness (such as COVID-19)
  • Pod¬†and¬†Bubble¬†: a usually small group of people (such as family members, friends, coworkers, or classmates) who regularly interact closely with one another but with few or no others in order to minimize exposure and reduce the transmission of infection during an outbreak of a contagious disease.¬†Bubble¬†also gained an additional meaning: an area within which sports teams stay isolated from the general public during a series of scheduled games so as to prevent exposure to disease and that includes accommodations, amenities, and the location at which the games are held
  • Hard pass¬†: a firm refusal or rejection of something (such as an offer)
  • Flex¬†informal¬†: an act of bragging or showing off
  • Cancel culture¬†: the practice or tendency of engaging in mass¬†canceling¬†as a way of expressing disapproval and exerting social pressure
  • Makerspace¬†: a communal public workshop in which makers can work on small personal projects
  • Coworking¬†: being, relating to, or working in a building where multiple tenants (such as entrepreneurs, start-ups, or nonprofits) rent working space (such as desks or offices) and have the use of communal facilities
  • Crowdfunding¬†: the practice of obtaining needed funding (as for a new business) by soliciting contributions from a large number of people especially from the online community
  • Gig worker¬†: a person who works temporary jobs typically in the service sector as an independent contractor or freelancer
  • Decarceration¬†: release from imprisonment¬†also¬†: the practice or policy of reducing the number of people subject to imprisonment
  • BIPOC¬†(abbreviation) : Black, Indigenous, (and) People of Color
  • Folx¬†:¬†folks¬†‚ÄĒused especially to explicitly signal the inclusion of groups commonly marginalized
  • Sapiosexual¬†: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to highly intelligent people
  • Silver fox¬†: an attractive middle-aged man having mostly gray or white hair
  • ASMR¬†or¬†autonomous sensory meridian response¬†: a pleasant tingling sensation that originates on the back of the scalp and often spreads to the neck and upper spine, that occurs in some people in response to a stimulus (such as a particular kind of sound or movement), and that tends to have a calming effect
  • Hygge¬†: a cozy quality that makes a person feel content and comfortable
  • Second Gentleman¬†: the husband or male partner of a vice president or second in command of a country or jurisdiction


Thoughts on a Friday: Nice vs. Kind

Kindness is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and a concern for others. It is known as a virtue and is recognized as a value in many cultures and religions.

 

The Difference between being Nice and being Kind.

The way I understand it, kindness emerges from someone who’s confident, compassionate and comfortable with themselves. A kind person is loving and giving out of the goodness of their heart.

At the root of extreme niceness, however, are feelings of inadequacy and the need to get approval and validation from others. Overly-nice people try to please so that they can feel good about themselves.
~ Marcia Sirota

 

Kind:

  • Genuinely kind people are giving because it’s in their nature to care, and since they have no ulterior motives, they aren’t concerned with whether or not other people like them.
  • Kind people can be assertive and set good limits.
  • Kind people have good self-esteem and because they love themselves as much as they care about others, they expect to be treated with respect.
  • Kind people take responsibility for their own self-care. They’re generous, even altruistic, but don’t get caught up in a user-pleaser type of relationship.
  • Kind people are happy people, to begin with, and add to their happiness through acts of generosity and altruism. Nice people are needy people who inadvertently create more and more unhappiness for themselves

Nice:

  • Nice people bend over backward to be obliging. They deal with potential conflicts by placating the other person because they can’t bear to have anyone upset with them.
  • Nice people are desperate for approval, so they’re often mistreated or taken advantage of.
  • Nice people tend to do too much for those who don’t deserve it and are easy prey for users. They get into co-dependent relationships in which they care-take others in the hopes of eventually being cared for themselves.
  • The nice person is careful not to offend anyone and wouldn’t dream of expressing a “negative” emotion. They focus on being good to others, to the detriment of their own needs. In fact, they’re afraid to ask for what they want for fear of creating conflict.
  • Nice people stuff down their feelings, not wanting to be a bother to anyone, but the problem with this is that emotions can’t be kept down indefinitely. Feelings and needs are meant to be expressed and when they’re repressed, they find another outlet.
  • The nice person is overly-invested in the emotional pay-off they’re hoping to achieve by pleasing and taking care of others. They’re also unwilling to face how much hurt or anger they’re carrying. They’re resistant to changing their behavior, despite the consequences of their compensatory addictions.

.

Thank you to the Huffington Post.


Out of commission for today~


Sexy Sleep Eyes

Clash By Night 1952 Marilyn Monroe

Master, it’s been a long two weeks. Your dievca might just need to sleep.
After the nap, she’ll look at you with sexy sleepy eyes and ask,
“How may I serve my Master?” Read the rest of this entry »


Use it or lose it~


dievca arrived home and has a multitude of small tasks to do: there are groceries all over the kitchen countertop that need to get into the pantry, coats with mold from her Mom’s basement that need to be washed as soon as possible, Christmas decorations to be put away, a COVID test, check-in with work, etc.

We have all been in this headspace before~

Then dievca received a lovely e-mail from Master checking-in and letting her know where His head is for D/s.

As she read the e-mail, it was a reach to flow into the same mind space. she couldn’t do it.

dievca’s mind was still on her Mother – one of the Caregivers can’t get back into the country on time because she tested positive for COVID, her brother wants her to research and buy a kitchen faucet for her mom. Scheduling is a mess for work.

Again, we have all been in this headspace previously~
But Master’s email closed with something that clicked in dievca’s very full brain:

“I’ve missed you. And hope that you masturbate at least once in the
next few days, thinking about…Your Master.”

dievca caught on to that like a lifeline — she can do that, she can masturbate on Wednesday morning before the COVID test. She can masturbate thinking about Master. The anticipation is trickling in at odd moments – causing her to think a little bit about sex and D/s.

They say if you don’t use it, you lose it.
That goes for many things, including sex.

Let’s see if that masturbation opens up to a Presentation Outfit and the ability to move into Master’s D/s headspace by Friday. dievca thinks it’s already working while writing this blog post.
she’s using it, she’s using it. XO


Last Day of a Decade: Musing about the Past & Future with a reminder to be in the Present.

Something really big happened in the world’s wiring in the last decade, but it was obscured by the financial crisis and post-9/11. We went from a connected world to a hyperconnected world. I’m always struck that Facebook, Twitter, 4G, iPhones, iPads, high-speech broadband, ubiquitous wireless and Web-enabled cellphones, the cloud, Big Data, cellphone apps and Skype did not exist or were in their infancy a decade ago.

Thomas Friedman in 2013
Here is a link to the snarky Rolling Stone article about Thomas Friedman’s Writing as Porn Titles – a bit funny~

So, what has happened in this past decade of 2011-2020?

Social media, cloud computing, and¬†artificial intelligence¬†radically changed our day-to-day lives.¬†iPads, smartwatches, fitness trackers, true wireless earphones, electric cars‚ÄĒthe list of innovations from this decade is a long one. Sci-fi tropes like universal translators and virtual reality games became very real. According to Flock.com

Mobile upgraded from 3G to 4G networks, Social Media Brought Our Lives Online, The Dawn of Genomics and Precision Medicine, Electric vehicles (EVs) became competitive with internal combustion engine (ICE) vehicles, Data storage moved to the cloud From Global X ETFs

What to expect?

5G becomes the new wireless standard, Cloud moves to the edge, Transportation goes electric, autonomous, and shared, Robotics enters new industries, Omnichannel-commerce: Not a zero-sum game between e-commerce and brick-and-mortar, Health care goes digital: AI diagnoses and telemedicine, Genomics: The potential to cure the previously incurable 
From Global X ETFs

Whew!

Maybe it’s good to cut-off and get back to being PRESENT:


Qualities to look for in a partner (Vanilla or BDSM) – Good to Know

When looking for a partner we tend to look for brains, kindness, and attractiveness‚ÄĒthe usual. But another quality might be just as important if you‚Äôre looking for a long-term, healthy relationship: ‚Äúemotional fluency.‚ÄĚ

Emotional fluency is the act of voicing your emotions with your partner.

This can be extended to roommates, family members, friends – especially in the close confines of COVID-19 quarantining.

In a recent interview with Science of Us, therapist Brian Gleason (and co-author, with his wife, of Exceptional Relationships: Transformation Through Embodied Couples Work) discusses the importance of voicing your emotions with your partner (which he dubs emotional fluency).

One of the biggest reasons couples have trouble is because they have not developed emotional fluency, he says.

‚ÄúWe‚Äôre just not trained to speak in emotional language,‚Ä̬†says Gleason. Good news: He says¬†it‚Äôs a skill we can improve. ‚ÄúThe more [feelings] that we‚Äôre able to put into some sort of language and convey it to our partner‚ÄĒthat these are my inner experiences right now‚ÄĒthe more empathy there is in the relationship.‚ÄĚ

What happens when you aren‚Äôt open about your emotions? Most people‚ÄĒwhen they‚Äôre stressed, angry, or sad‚ÄĒtend to withdraw and perhaps glue their eyes to their phone, shutting off from the rest of the world (including your partner), Gleason says. Sound familiar? (Guilty.)

‚ÄúThe less I can say, this is my inner experience, the more my partner is going to be reacting to [just] my outer behavior, oftentimes with judgment and frustration,‚ÄĚ says Gleason.

By explaining your particular 4-1-1 du jour in a direct way,  you’re giving your partner what he or she needs in order to react with affirmations, advice, and other positive reinforcements.

In other words, as mom always said: Use your words! If you do, it can bring you closer together, instead of creating conflict, Gleason says.

Having an a-ha moment? The next time you’re stressed or angry, try to close Instagram and talk about it with your partner instead (could be easier said than done, but worth a try).

From a Well + Good article by Rachel Lapidos, click here.


Flipping Dom and sub

Sometimes you finish a big week and plan to just chill on the sofa or bed.

Then a few kisses occur, maybe a little cock worship and the next thing you know – your arms are restrained and your Sir/Madame has taken over your body.

Where does that rush of energy come from?¬† Is it the act of flipping Dom and sub? Or does the energy rush cause the D/s flip?¬† ¬†It’s the chicken and the egg scenario~¬† OK, so the literal answer is the egg, but you get the point.

It doesn’t matter how – what matters is the joy of being alive.

May you have the chance to flip this Saturday! XO


You know you are loved, when…

Re: I am disturbed because my new Galaxy Active watch tells me that I don’t get enough ‘deep sleep’.  I am ok, time amount-wise and in the REM stage – but I don’t hit the healing deep sleep.  Three days of data is not enough, I will watch it for two weeks. But, it still bothers me.  I flip/flop and move a lot, but I have always done that….maybe my heart rate runs higher for the deep sleep range. Maybe this is normal with peri-menopause. Maybe I have a problem, I will watch it.

dievńća,
In general, sleep experts are negative about people who get obsessed with their watch telling them that they don’t get enough deep sleep. Sleep is a very individual and complex issue. But the first thing to know is that everyone wakes up during a night’s sleep…we just don’t remember it.

Read this article:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/17/shut-eye-and-sleep-hygiene-the-truth-about-why-you-keep-waking-up-at-3am

COVID has also caused sleep problems. Read:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/oct/23/the-zzz-factor-how-coronavirus-has-wreaked-havoc-with-our-sleep

In addition, you are absolutely right: peri-menopause can cause sleep problems. Read:

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/16/i-look-at-the-clock-its-3am-why-women-cant-sleep

And here’s a very brief summary from the NYT about how to sleep better.

Hope some of this info is helpful.

Your Master


Sprinkled Kisses

A lipstick ring around your cock is a beautiful way to start cock worship. But to change it up, should we try sugar sprinkled lips? A sweet taste with a light massage and lots of spit to dissolve the little balls which can be used to massage the larger balls.  Envision a lot of licking and kissing. Sounds like a very nice way to brighten up the day.


Mind and Body Silent

Some people are fans of the band, Chicago, others are not. dievca falls on one side of the fence and Master the other.

But the lyrics? – well they apply, whether one likes the band or not…especially when Master is the only person capable of causing His dievca to go mind and body silent 

[Verse 1]
When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are
Or what we’re doing, I’m with you, that’s all that matters
Time passes much too quickly when we’re together laughing
I wish I could sing it to you, oh no
I wish I could sing it to you

[Chorus]
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh
Mostly I’m silent mmm silent la la la la la
Never think about words to say

[Verse 2]
When I kiss you, I feel a thousand different feelings
The color of chills all over my body
And when I feel them, I quickly try to decide which one
I should try to put into words, oh no
Try to put into words

[Chorus]
Mostly I’m silent silent la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la
Silent

[Verse 3]
Only the beginning of what I want to feel forever yeah
Oh no whoa yes
Only the beginning, only just the start
I’ve got to get you into my life
Got to get you next to me
Only the beginning, only just the start


Losing Days~

dievca’s having a moment, time to flashback with the band New Order – Shellshock

Moving into this:

And down the Youtube Rabbit Hole.
Not going to help with losing days.


the essence


Sometimes being a Dominant or submissive isn’t about the label –
it’s the act of being there when needed,
serving when needed.
In whatever manner is appropriate.


He’s home, He’s home, He’s home

Photo: Jon Stars, Prospect Park NY w Nicola Collie

Your Master arrived safely.
The humidity has broken.
D/s outside might be an option.
Joy!


Happy Social Media Day!

Did dievca tell you, “Thank You” for coming on her ride?
Thank you.

Social Media Day is observed annually on June 30th. In its short life, social media has redefined how people interact, communicate, and share with family, friends, and the world. With the launch of Friendster in 2002 and MySpace in 2003, social media had become mainstream.

In its most basic sense, social media is a shift in how people discover, read, and share news, information, and content. Technologies include blogs, picture-sharing, vlogs, wall-postings, email, instant messaging, music-sharing, crowdsourcing, and voice over IP, to name a few.

And Master has never minded that dievca has shared pieces of their Life on the blog.


Mists in the Silence

New York, New York, 1955©Elliott Erwitt / Magnum Photos

It’s a misty morning here in NYC.
That and the silence of the relatively empty city
make for strange bedfellows
A surreal and beautiful moment

I am really going to miss the silence


If you are wishing for a Unicorn

Definition 1 of Unicorn related to the BDSM Lifestyle:
There’s a term nearly everybody in the Swinger world, the BDSM world, and the Polyamorous world is familiar with, summarized in one neat, pretty, sparkly mental image of one word: Unicorn. On the surface it’s a simple term, relating to the mythical creature of lore that is rumored to exist but is nearly impossible to find. Furthermore, once found, it’s nearly impossible to keep, for, after all, nobody can really own a unicorn. (credit absinthepassion.wordpress.com )

Definition 2:
Colloquial; Synonym for hot or Bi babe or HBB, often derogatory, condescending, or ironic. A bisexual person usually though not always female, who is willing to join an existing couple, often with the presumption that this person will date and become sexually involved with both members of that couple, and not demand anything or do anything which might cause problems or inconvenience to that couple.

The term is often used to be dismissive of a couple seen to be only superficially polyamorous. Because of the demands that this type of couple places on the woman (that she be single and not take on any additional partners, and become involved with both members of the couple equally, and often ‚Äúcomplete‚ÄĚ their family as a surrogate mother and housekeeper and/or breadwinner and not do anything that may threaten or disrupt the existing couple), many in the poly community call this type of woman a ‚ÄėUnicorn‚Äô, as in mythical and not likely to be found, even though there are plenty of bi-poly women around.

Sometimes the unicorn is expected to not develop any emotional attachment and is strictly there for a sexual relationship (equally distributed to both members of the dyad) and/or is prescripted as a secondary. This term is used as a reminder that bi-poly women are people with their own desires, needs, and pre-existing lives, and not fantasy figures or pets.
(credit Urban dictionary.com).

If you are looking for a Unicorn buying this Pouch might be a great deal easier.
And it is a lovely item for the Little in your life. XO

Opening Ceremony UNDERCOVER Unicorn Pouch
Printed leather front
White leather back
Zip back closure
On sale for $60 with further discounts available
Opening Ceremony is closing their stores and temporarily closing their website. The sale is quite good.


On the Road, again.


Actually, the rental car is new and running very well.

Travel across was very easy.
Packing food was a good idea and I’d like to give a “shout” out to Ohio for the best rest stops.
Clean, spacious — amazing.
BTW – gasoline prices ranged from $1.99 to $1.15 per gallon – east to west.

Something interesting to note – the further away from NYC, the more lax people are about COVID-19.
Yes, it makes sense when your area has 180 deaths versus the 13,168 in NYC.
But seeing 65+-year-olds without masks and gloves in a Wal-Mart really stressed me out.

BTW – it was confirmed post-mortem that Dad’s death was not COVID-19.
Why do the test?
So, the Hospice nurses who neglected Dad would come back for Mom’s appointments.
still salty bout that

As for my Mom?
My Mom has blown through the stages of Grief and is getting ready to blow through them, again.
She is eating and sleeping well, for me at least.
Yesterday would have been Mom and Dad’s 66th Wedding Anniversary.

OK – as you read this, I am back in the car – starting Day 2 of the return trip.
Drive Safe!
Ciao~
XO


Census Day – USA!

The Census-Taker ~ Robert Frost

I came an errand one cloud-blowing evening
To a slab-built, black-paper-covered house
Of one room and one window and one door,
The only dwelling in a waste cutover
A hundred square miles round it in the mountains:
And that not dwelt in now by men or women.
(It never had been dwelt in, though, by women,
So what is this I make a sorrow of?)
I came as census-taker to the waste
To count the people in it and found none,
None in the hundred miles, none in the house,
Where I came last with some hope, but not much,
After hours’ overlooking from the cliffs
An emptiness flayed to the very stone.
I found no people that dared show themselves,
None not in hiding from the outward eye.
The time was autumn, but how anyone
Could tell the time of year when every tree
That could have dropped a leaf was down itself
And nothing but the stump of it was left
Now bringing out its rings in sugar of pitch;
And every tree up stood a rotting trunk
Without a single leaf to spend on autumn,
Or branch to whistle after what was spent.
Perhaps the wind the more without the help
Of breathing trees said something of the time
Of year or day the way it swung a door
Forever off the latch, as if rude men
Passed in and slammed it shut each one behind him
For the next one to open for himself.
I counted nine I had no right to count
(But this was dreamy unofficial counting)
Before I made the tenth across the threshold.
Where was my supper? Where was anyone’s?
No lamp was lit. Nothing was on the table.
The stove was cold‚ÄĒthe stove was off the chimney‚ÄĒ
And down by one side where it lacked a leg.
The people that had loudly passed the door
Were people to the ear but not the eye.
They were not on the table with their elbows.
They were not sleeping in the shelves of bunks.
I saw no men there and no bones of men there.
I armed myself against such bones as might be
With the pitch-blackened stub of an ax-handle
I picked up off the straw-dust covered floor.
Not bones, but the ill-fitted window rattled.
The door was still because I held it shut
While I thought what to do that could be done‚ÄĒ
About the house‚ÄĒabout the people not there.
This house in one year fallen to decay
Filled me with no less sorrow than the houses
Fallen to ruin in ten thousand years
Where Asia wedges Africa from Europe.
Nothing was left to do that I could see
Unless to find that there was no one there
And declare to the cliffs too far for echo,
“The place is desert, and let whoso lurks
In silence, if in this he is aggrieved,
Break silence now or be forever silent.
Let him say why it should not be declared so.‚ÄĚ
The melancholy of having to count souls
Where they grow fewer and fewer every year
Is extreme where they shrink to none at all.
It must be I want life to go on living.