Qualities to look for in a partner (Vanilla or BDSM) – Good to Know

When looking for a partner we tend to look for brains, kindness, and attractiveness—the usual. But another quality might be just as important if you’re looking for a long-term, healthy relationship: “emotional fluency.”

Emotional fluency is the act of voicing your emotions with your partner.

This can be extended to roommates, family members, friends – especially in the close confines of COVID-19 quarantining.

In a recent interview with Science of Us, therapist Brian Gleason (and co-author, with his wife, of Exceptional Relationships: Transformation Through Embodied Couples Work) discusses the importance of voicing your emotions with your partner (which he dubs emotional fluency).

One of the biggest reasons couples have trouble is because they have not developed emotional fluency, he says.

“We’re just not trained to speak in emotional language,” says Gleason. Good news: He says it’s a skill we can improve. “The more [feelings] that we’re able to put into some sort of language and convey it to our partner—that these are my inner experiences right now—the more empathy there is in the relationship.”

What happens when you aren’t open about your emotions? Most people—when they’re stressed, angry, or sad—tend to withdraw and perhaps glue their eyes to their phone, shutting off from the rest of the world (including your partner), Gleason says. Sound familiar? (Guilty.)

“The less I can say, this is my inner experience, the more my partner is going to be reacting to [just] my outer behavior, oftentimes with judgment and frustration,” says Gleason.

By explaining your particular 4-1-1 du jour in a direct way,  you’re giving your partner what he or she needs in order to react with affirmations, advice, and other positive reinforcements.

In other words, as mom always said: Use your words! If you do, it can bring you closer together, instead of creating conflict, Gleason says.

Having an a-ha moment? The next time you’re stressed or angry, try to close Instagram and talk about it with your partner instead (could be easier said than done, but worth a try).

From a Well + Good article by Rachel Lapidos, click here.


Baby Got Back. (18+, nsfw) repost

The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations. Eli Khamarov

dievca’s Master asks for variation.

Master does not want anything to become stagnant or expected for himself or for his dievca.  The variations do not have to be large, they just need to exist.  dievca keeps an eye on what clothing/shoes she wears with Master, the presentation outfits she creates, the jewelry that accentuates her creations, and her hair/make-up, etc with variation in mind.

One simple way that dievca makes her Master happy is with beautiful unexpected surprises.  Nipple nooses, clit clamps, body chains, pasties can work, but a favorite for dievca and something surprising for Master is the crystal anal plug.  The plug is not noticeable under clothing and it feels lovely for dievca to wear– she feels a bit full. Plus, the anticipation that she will be giving Master an unexpected treat is delicious.

Master will not see or feel the plug until he begins to play with his dievca. dievca can always sense when Master runs into the plug. He pauses, smiles and then taps the crystal to let her know that he is pleased.

insertion

With the variation theme the plug is not used all the time and dievca makes sure that it’s appearance does not coincide only with certain outfits.  Both Hi and Lo styling have seen use of the plug.

dievca just wanted to mention the plug to other submissives and Vanillas because it is an inexpensive way to make your Master or partner smile.

Now that your bottom is dressed, let’s get your weekend started…..

From Nov. 8th, 2013


Of what I cannot be~

I saw the posts on Facebook.

Your children heading off for the new school year,
Comments about their last, first day of school.

The announcement of a new baby,
Mothers and Newborns tired from their hard work.

The constant photo updates,
Of Soccer Matches, Gymnastic Meets, Chess Club.

I am happy in your happiness.

But, I am also exhausted.

Constantly reminded,
That I couldn’t carry through.

Having to feign interest,
In something that I cannot achieve.

Asked to read your discussions,
Lacking common threads and experience.

I am rarely on Facebook.

Now you know why.

Facebook-Like


Thank You.

Simple and Lovely


Baby Got Back. (18+, nsfw)

The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations. Eli Khamarov

dievca’s Master asks for variation.

Master does not want anything to become stagnant or expected for himself or for his dievca.  The variations do not have to be large, they just need to exist.  dievca keeps an eye on what clothing/shoes she wears with Master, the presentation outfits she creates, the jewelry that accentuates her creations, and her hair/make-up, etc with variation in mind.

One simple way that dievca makes her Master happy is with beautiful unexpected surprises.  Nipple nooses, clit clamps, body chains, pasties can work, but a favorite for dievca and something surprising for Master is the crystal anal plug.  The plug is not noticeable under clothing and it feels lovely for dievca to wear– she feels a bit full. Plus, the anticipation that she will be giving Master an unexpected treat is delicious.

Master will not see or feel the plug until he begins to play with his dievca. dievca can always sense when Master runs into the plug. He pauses, smiles and then taps the crystal to let her know that he is pleased.

insertion

With the variation theme the plug is not used all the time and dievca makes sure that it’s appearance does not coincide only with certain outfits.  Both Hi and Lo styling have seen use of the plug.

dievca just wanted to mention the plug to other submissives and Vanillas because it is an inexpensive way to make your Master or partner smile.

Now that your bottom is dressed, let’s get your weekend started…..

 


Good to Know: Collar, Choker, Princess length

good-to-know-Choker_Collar

Pearls of Wisdom.

dievca would imagine that the lengths listed on the graphic are a suggestion because she knows that her neck circumference is greater than that offered Collar measurement. The 12-13 inch Collar length would choke her and dievca is not in to Erotic asphyxiation~

But the illustration does give a nice definition of where a necklace sits on a submissive’s neck.

When Collars go out of fashion, a longer necklace will be more acceptable for the Vanilla crowd.
Perhaps, your Daytime Collar will be a necklace with a special meaning to you and your Sir.

dievca’s Master took away her favorite leather DoDo Pomellato necklace and changed the leather to a silver link princess length chain. He then added a charm of his choosing to remind dievca of who she submits to and put the changed necklace back on her neck.

dievca always thinks of Master when she is wearing the necklace and no one knows that it is a day collar.

Something to consider~

DoDo Pomellato