Ho-Ho-Ho


Master asked dievca what she wanted for Christmas and, of course, her immediate answer was:
“You.”
(cue Mariah Carey)

The visions of Master with a hard, jutting cock,
jingle bells and a Santa Hat danced through her head.
Not very submissive — dievca’s knows, but she was on a roll. See?


dievca doesn’t think Master appreciated her demented humor.

Perhaps He prefers this vision of Santa:

A Presentation Outfit possibility — via Bettie Page
(OK, distracted – Master just sent fabulous photos of Himself and His Grandchild – better than Nude Santa’s)

Let dievca leave you with this video for the morning:


Biggest (Christmas tree) Balls of Them All~

(click here for a little background music during this post)

As dievca and Master were traversing Midtown to get some Holiday Photos, lo and behold they ran into some Really Big Balls… Master got on to a roll of quips that had dievca in stitches and, of course, dievca couldn’t remember any of them for today’s post.
So, she asked Master if he remembered what he said:

“In New York City, even the buildings have big balls.”

“If you have big balls, you don’t need to show them.”

from dievca:
Would you mind giving my balls a quick polish?
Size up those balls, Boys!

Not as delicious as Schweddy Balls.

video: NPR’s Delicious Dish: Schweddy Balls – SNL

On their Christmas show, NPR hosts Margaret Jo McCullin (Ana Gasteyer) and Terry Rialto (Molly Shannon) welcome baker Pete Schweddy (Alec Baldwin) to “The Delicious Dish” to discuss his famous holiday dessert: Schweddy balls. [Season 24, 1998]

Do you have any good quips?


Has this happened to you?


dievca and Master connected this week to celebrate the end of dievca’s Jury Duty. A simple evening: Prosecco, Dinner, Apple Crisp, Sex.

The sex got a bit interesting when dievca went all in and raised her head up to meet Master at a quick clip and Master dropped his head down to meet dievca at the same time. dievca heard a….

as her forehead connected with Master’s nose and blood dripped onto her chest. A flying leap out of the bed brought Master a towel and a dodge into the kitchen added some ice.

Master went into the bathroom to clean-up and dievca checked His nose to see what damage was done. she didn’t feel anything on the bridge of Master’s nose and he said he wasn’t in pain. The crunch might have been underneath and more internal. Master grabbed dievca’s hand and lead her back to bed to continue on, albeit at a more gentle rate.

Can’t let a little blood stop the Joy.


Patience

Rilke:
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.
Do not now look for the answers.
They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them.
It is a question of experiencing everything.
At present you need to live the question.
Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer.


Found! Mulled Wine

dievca met Master for a walk in Midtown with a plan to take Holiday photos…she thought because she drove up 6th  Ave. on Thanksgiving and it was relatively quiet – Friday would be the same.  she completely forgot that Black Friday shopping thing…

Photo: dievca Midtown 11/2018

Master was kind enough to slog through the crowds for dievca’s photos. And they decided to finish off the evening with a warm drink.

After heading to the UWS, they couldn’t find the bar/restaurant where Master had seen the placard advertising toasty drinks. As they canvassed the Avenue, dievca spotted a board offering “mulled wine” at a brick oven pizza place. They decided to give it a go~

A good choice!

Glögi, also called Glühwein or mulled wine, is a spiced, usually alcoholic drink, served warm. The original form of Glögi, a spiced liquor, was used to revive messengers and postmen who traveled on horseback or skis in cold weather in Scandinavia.

It revived Master and dievca.

dievca used to get some great mulled wine in Maryland and was happy to finally find a place in NYC. The pizza was pretty good, too.

And if you don’t have a place in your ‘hood, here’s a simple way to make it.

MULLED WINE

Make on the stove-top (or simmer in the slow cooker) and it’s easy to customize with your favorite spices and add-ins, and it is cozy and delicious.  Perfect for winter and holiday entertaining!

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 (750 ml) bottle of dry red wine (inexpensive as the mulling spices and citrus will take over)
  • 1 orange, sliced into rounds
  • 8 whole cloves
  • 2 cinnamon sticks (stirring in powdered cinnamon works in a pinch)
  • 2 star anise
  • 2-4 tablespoons sugar, honey, or maple syrup to taste (or your desired sweetener)
  • optional add-in: 1/4 cup brandy (or your favorite liqueur)
  • optional garnishes: citrus slices (orange, lemon and/or lime), extra cinnamon sticks, extra star anise

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Combine all ingredients in a saucepan, and heat just barely to a simmer over medium-high heat.  (Be careful not to boil the mulled wine — you don’t want to boil off the alcohol.)  Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and let the wine simmer for at least 15 minutes or up to 3 hours.
    (You can use a crockpot or instapot, too)
  2. Strain, and serve warm with your desired garnishes.

*Feel free to use your choice of sweetener here, or leave the mulled wine un-sweetened.

**You can also place the oranges, cloves, cinnamon, and star anise in a cheesecloth. Then simply pull out the bundle and strain when ready to serve.

Here’s dievca’s next plan:


Aftercare (its not just for BDSM)

The Drop.

It’s difficult to talk about BDSM Aftercare without first referring to the Drop. Commonly it is more associated with submissives and known as sub-drop, but the feeling and sensation can also occur within dominants and be known as Dom-drop.

It is a mind state that is similar to the sensations of depression and will occur after an intense BDSM scene. It is caused by the sudden drop of endorphins and adrenaline that will occur after the spikes within play. There is speculation about why it occurs less within dominants and the most rational train of thought is that Dominant types experience a different form of energy than their submissive counterparts, a dominant doesn’t necessarily experience the same endorphin and emotional high as a result of the activities. The symptoms of a sub drop will often include:

Difficulty with memory, details and making decisions
Decreased levels of energy
Strong feelings of guilt and helplessness
Strong feelings of pessimism
Excessive sleeping or insomnia
Increased irritability and restlessness
Loss of interest in activities that were once deemed to be pleasurable
Appetite loss and over eating
Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety or ‘empty’ feelings
Thoughts of suicide

In some serious cases of “drop”  could involve flu-like symptoms and result in sickness as a result of the stress to the body lowering the immune system. As you can see in the above symptoms sub drop is almost always accompanied by feelings of depression, anxiety or lethargy. The symptoms might present themselves almost immediately or they might take up to 72 hours to form. One sub might get sick and feel nauseated while another might get headaches, and another still might decide to sleep for the next day. It affects people differently.

It’s prudent for a dominant to make sure their submissive knows after a scene that they will be there for them and that you will be checking in with them over the next few days.

Delayed onset of sub drop can be surprising. The sub might find themselves riding the high of the experience and all of a sudden their body/mind will just crash.

What is BDSM Aftercare?

Aftercare is the time you and your partner take after play time to recover and also to see to each other’s emotional and physical needs. Certain role plays and kinky acts can be both physically and psychologically taxing, so this time is a great for relaxing, as well as getting ‘back to reality.’

Why is it Necessary?

Our fantasies and play don’t necessarily correlate with who we are in our regular, day-to-day lives. While we may want our partner to dress as a demanding authoritarian who exacts humiliating punishments on us during kinky play, that may not be how you set up the normal course of your relationship. Aftercare functions as a ‘re-calibration’ for the normalcy of a relationship.

There can be an immediate physical toll as well. Many people compare the sensation immediately following a scene  as being similar to sensations felt after an intense athletic performance. The rush of endorphins coupled with potential physical exertion can leave you feeling weak, fatigued, or dazed, and you may be slightly dehydrated depending on the intensity of the scene.

“Sub drop” or any drop is not exclusive to BDSM. One 2015 study found that nearly 46% of the 230 women surveyed felt feelings of tearfulness and anxiety after sex — which is known as “postcoital dysphoria” — at least once in their lives (and around 5% had experienced these feelings a few times in the four weeks leading up to the study). Experts have speculated that this may stem from the hormonal changes people (particularly those with vaginas) experience after orgasm, but many also say that it can come from feeling neglected. The so-called “orgasm gap” suggests that straight women, in particular, may feel that their needs in bed are ignored. People in general can also feel lousy post-sex if they’re not communicating about what they liked and didn’t like about the experience.

Taking the time to be affectionate and talk more after sex — a.k.a. aftercare — can make sex better for everyone, not just those who experience a BDSM scene.

Types of Aftercare

Aftercare can be generally put into two categories: physical and emotional. Physical aftercare includes things such as helping remove any paraphernalia like restraints or blindfolds, getting your partner something to eat or drink (blood sugar levels can be important to pay attention to), providing a blanket or warm clothing, kissing or caressing any part of their body, or specifically to area that may have been marked during play, or  providing affection and comfort in a quiet place.

An intimate massage can be a great way to connect with your partner while offering a comforting touch, and a warm massage oil can sooth both your muscles, and the skin if you were engaging in impact play. A bath or shower is also great; it serves a practical clean up purpose as well as letting you both share an intimate and relaxing moment!

Emotional aftercare involves discussing the scene and how you both felt about it, good and bad, which is integral for ensuring that you both understand each other’s needs and expectations from play. You also may want to give your partner assurances about their kink, reminding them that nothing they did or enjoyed makes them ‘weird’ or ‘perverse.’ Making a conscious point to continue this conversation after a couple of days also makes sure you’re both aware of any negative feelings that have lingered, and can also serve to make you excited about the next time.

Does Everyone Need Aftercare?

Some people might be completely okay without aftercare, or may prefer to be left alone and not kiss and cuddle. That’s why it’s important to negotiate aftercare before getting started. If you’re just starting to experiment with BDSM and not sure what kind of aftercare you or your partner may need, discussing your feelings after the scene serves as your jumping off point for the care you or your partner would like to receive in experiences to come.

Additionally, many assume that aftercare is exclusively something that a Dominant must give for a sub, though that simply isn’t true. Someone in a Dominant role may experience the same ‘drop’ from physical exertion as a sub, and can similarly desire the emotional connection that re-establishes the normal, healthy roles of your relationship.

And those in long-term relationships are certainly not exempt from aftercare. It’s something couples should continue to do, especially after trying something new (such as anal sex). Did the sex hurt? Do they want to do it again? What did they like and not like about it? You can’t know what your partner is thinking unless you ask them. Plus, it can be easy for long-term partners to feel taken for granted, so making sure to cuddle, stroke each other’s hair, and savor the moment after sex can make even the most routine sex feel special.

One thing to keep in mind? It can also be helpful to continue these conversations when everyone’s vertical, clothed and any post-orgasm high has faded.

There is no one way to give or receive aftercare, the only real guideline is to be open, accepting, and attentive to the emotional and physical needs of your partner, while also making sure that your own needs are met as well.

What should you do if you don’t get Aftercare?

Although it is normally advised that a dominant should be in a position to provide suitable after care, there may be rare instances where this is not possible. A submissive might need more time than usual to come down, and a dominant might simply be not in a position to do so. In such a situation a babysitter might be utilized, that being a third-party kink friendly individual who can take on the responsibility of after care for the submissive. In such situations it is still highly recommended and considered to be good practice for the dominant to spend at least 15 minutes with the submissive so that immediate feelings of abandonment and hopelessness do not set in. The babysitter should be a mutually agreed upon person by all involved which can continue the responsibilities of aftercare once the dominant is required to leave.

And if a Dom won’t talk about Aftercare beforehand or does not follow through – walk away, immediately.

Compiled and modified by dievca with Thanks to:
Katy Thorn, Lelo website article on Aftercare
Amanda Luterman, a kink-friendly psychotherapist from a Refinery 29 article on Aftercare
Rick Sales, hellsc.com.au website article on BDSM Aftercare


Its not all glamorous…

Master walked into His bedroom,
to find His dievca, lying on the floor – naked, reaching under His bed.

she was trying to grab a high heel that got kicked underneath.
Lying on her belly, partially beneath the bed, kinda stuck,
dievca must have looked absolutely ridiculous.

Master solved the problem.
With a smart smack to dievca’s ass,
Master passed along a wooden yardstick to fish out the delinquent heel.


After its retrieval, He then pulled His dievca from under the bed
and sent her off to the shower.

The practicalities of D/s.